1. Chapter 9 Gendered Close Relationships
Gendered Lives
Chapter 9
Gendered Close
Relationships

2. I. The Meaning of Personal Relationships
Personal relationships = partners depend on each other
Affection
Material
Regard e/o as unique
Can’t be replaced
Most relationships are social/professional
Can be replaced

3. A. Models of Personal Relationships
Differences in masculine/feminine orientations towards close relationships coincides with male and female approaches to relationships
Researchers disagree about what these differences mean

4. 1. The Male Deficit Model
Society views women as interpersonally sensitive
Assume their way of forming relationships is the “right way”
Some research claims that a man’s style of building relationships is inadequate
male deficit model

5. 1. The Male Deficit Model
Assumption of model – personal talk is hallmark of intimacy
Women
self-disclose more
more intimate than men
Led to deficient judgments about men
Men advised to overcome deficiencies
Get in touch with their soft side

6. 1. The Male Deficit Model
Male feminists thought men emotionally repressed
Would be enriched by expressing feelings
Researchers claimed men felt threatened by intimacy
Focused on activities
Men suffer from stunted emotional development

7. 2. The Alternative Paths Model
Alternate paths model - gendered socialization root of differences in styles of relating

8. 2. The Alternative Paths Model
2 primary differences from the male deficit model
1. Does not presume masculine people lack feelings or that it’s unimportant to them
Suggests socialization constrains men’s comfort in expressing

9. 2. The Alternative Paths Model
And #2…
2. Masculine people do express closeness, but not in same way feminine people do
Both styles equally valid
Descriptive not evaluative

10. 2. The Alternative Paths Model
Cancian (1987, 1989)
How we think about intimacy is heavily gendered, “feminine ruler” (emotional talk)
Swain (1989)
In the “doing” (separate but equal)
Goldsmith and Dun (1997)
Women use both emotional & instrumental forms

11. 2. The Alternate Paths Model
Cancian and Oliker (2000)
Both enjoy activities but the “How” is different
Hale, Tighe, and Mongeau (1997)
“Who” they are communicating w/ makes a different
Major stress vs. daily events
Healthy relationships require us to be bilingual

12. II. Gendered Styles of Friendship
Both sexes value friends & invest in them
Both sexes engage in instrumental & expressive modes of building closeness
There is variance in the extent
Differences in how men and women interact with friends

13. A. Gender differences in friendships
FEMININE
Talk (core)
Daily lives/activities
Depth/Breadth
Personal relationships
Disclosure =Closeness
Reciprocal
Permeable ego boundaries
High monitors
These roles can enrich and constrain
MASCULINE
Activities (core)
Swain (1989)
Closeness in doing
2/3 (meaningful times w/ friends)
Instrumental focus
Reciprocal (fixing car)
Divert during troubled times
Out of sight out of mind
Separatist (interests)

14. B. Friendships Between Women & Men
Friendships between the sexes pose challenges and offer opportunities for growth
Difficult not to see each other in sexual terms

15. B. Friendships Between Women & Men
Tension arises from sex-segregated socialization in childhood
Women – benefit of friendships with men is less emotionally intense companionship
Men – benefit of friendships is access to emotional support

16. B. Friendships Between Women & Men
Men and women receive more emotional support with women than with men
Men reluctant to be emotionally supportive of men – inconsistent with views of gender

17. B. Friendships Between Women & Men
Men talk more in cross-sex friendships
Both sexes report friendships with women more satisfying
Both sexes seek women friends in times of stress

18. III. Gendered Romantic Relationships
Gender roles are most salient in heterosexual relationships.
May be global (commonality)
Script:
Feminine women/masculine men desirable
Men should initiate activities
Women should facilitate conversation
Men should excel in status and money

19. A. Developing Romantic Intimacy
Personal ads:
Men: place priority on feminine physical qualities
Women: emphasize status and success
Androgynous individuals: more flexible roles
Less role playing between gay men and between lesbian women

20. Who do you think falls in love faster?

21. A. Developing Romantic Intimacy
Men fall in love faster and harder
More active, impulsive, sexualized, game playing
Women more pragmatic, friendship focused

22. A. Developing Romantic Intimacy
Sexual Intimacy:
Members of both sexes enjoy casual sex
Women link it to emotional involvement
Heterosexual men more interested in sex
whether or not attracted to a woman
60% vs. 20%
Lesbians date for a while before becoming sexual
Gay men more likely to have sex early in relationship
9-11 dates

23. A. Developing Romantic Intimacy
Heterosexual relationships reflect traditional gender roles
Men perceived as head of family
Women assume responsibility for domestic labor and child care
African American relationships more egalitarian

24. A. Developing Romantic Intimacy
Homosexual relationships resemble best-friend relationships w/ the added dimension of sexuality
Women
More monogamous
High in emotionality
Most equality
Men
Less emphasis on monogamy
Greater emphasis on independence and power

25. B. 4 Primary dimensions of long-term love relationships
1. Gendered Modes of expressing affection
2. Gendered preferences for autonomy and connection
3. Gendered responsibility for relational health
4. Gendered power dynamics

26. 1. Gendered Modes of Expressing Affection
Masculine mode: instrumental
Talk = fixing
Feminine mode: emotionally expressive
Talk = prevention

27. 1. Gendered Modes of Expressing Affection
Homosexual relationships:
Men: engage in more emotional talk than straight men but less than women
Women: most expressive communication climate
Report the highest level of satisfaction

28. 2. Gendered Preferences for Autonomy & Connection
Feminine: Connection (varying degrees)
Masculine: Autonomy
Demand-withdraw pattern
Stronger impact when a mans comfort zone is challenged
Careful w/ answering the WHY question
Feminine ruler
Men don’t care
Women are intrusive

29. 3. Gendered Responsibility for Relational Health
Lesbian couples share responsibility for relationship
Heterosexual couples – assume woman has primary responsibility for relationship
Highest levels of satisfaction when both responsible for the relationship

30. 4. Gendered Power Dynamics
Gay couples may compete for power and status
Newsweek (2004) study reported:
41% better men work and women stay home
25% unacceptable for women to be the major breadwinner
Not reality for 1/3 of married couples that both work
Statistics of black women vs. black men
Black men feel threatened
Divorce rates have quadrupled since 1960

31. 4. Gendered Power Dynamics
People who adhere to traditional views likely to experience decrease in self-esteem and marital satisfaction when the woman makes more money
This primarily depends on childhood observation of their parents gender orientations/roles

32. 4. Gendered Power Dynamics
Power is reflected in distribution of home labor
Second shift (Hochschild)
Childcare (working parents):
Married mothers: 51 hours
Married fathers: 33 hours
Single moms: 44 hours

33. 4. Gendered Power Dynamics
More differences
Recent trends (1960; 1980)
Flexible vs. more taking/less gratifying chores
On duty
Psychological responsibility (birthday parties)
Multi-tasking
More frequent occasional fun trips

34. 4. Gendered Power Dynamics
Consequences of second shift substantial
Women stressed, fatigued, susceptible to illness
Similar stress found in single fathers
Frustration, resentment, conflict likely

35. 4. Gendered Power Dynamics
Power differences are also seen in conflict styles
Masculine individuals: unilateral strategies to engage in and avoid conflicts
Issue ultimatums, refuse to listen, assert partner blowing things out of proportion
Feminine individuals: accomodate or compromise
Employ indirect strategies
Tension less pronounced in lesbian relationships
Power struggles common for gay partners

36. 4. Gendered Power Dynamics
Gendered power dynamics underlie violence and abuse
28 – 50% of women experience some level of physical abuse from their partner
Violence cuts across race, ethnic, and class lines
Violence inflicted primarily by men
12 – 18 seconds a woman is beaten by a man
4 women a day are beaten to death
Women are 600% more likely to be brutaized by an intimate that men
Thompson (1991) study