1. Communication in Marriage

2. Family Cohesion: the emotional bonding of family members Six Qualities of Family Strength (Stinnett) 1. Appreciation for One Another * psychologically build each other up (e.g. touching or hugging) 2. Arrange Personal Schedules * reserve a day for each other “families who eat together, stay together” Six Qualities of Family Strength (Stinnett) 1. Appreciation for One Another * psychologically build each other up (e.g. touching or hugging) 2. Arrange Personal Schedules * reserve a day for each other “families who eat together, stay together”

3. Six Qualities of Family Strength (Stinnett) 3. High Degree of Communication * making the time no matter what 4.Spiritual Orientation * not religious, but rather part of something greater (e.g. family as a sanctuary) 5. Deal Positively with Crisis * Seeing the “silver lining,” i.e., we are still together 6. Positive Communication * Argue openly and support continually 3. High Degree of Communication * making the time no matter what 4.Spiritual Orientation * not religious, but rather part of something greater (e.g. family as a sanctuary) 5. Deal Positively with Crisis * Seeing the “silver lining,” i.e., we are still together 6. Positive Communication * Argue openly and support continually

4. Listening Brodrick: The Positive Results of Listening 1. Shows Love 2. Illustrates partner’s worth 3. Discover partner’s perspective 4. Spouse develops greater clarity 5. Setting an example for later interactions * Predicting Divorce is connected to couples ability to listen Brodrick: The Positive Results of Listening 1. Shows Love 2. Illustrates partner’s worth 3. Discover partner’s perspective 4. Spouse develops greater clarity 5. Setting an example for later interactions * Predicting Divorce is connected to couples ability to listen

5. Conflict Being Passive-Aggressive: expressing anger indirectly through subtle behaviors e.g., nitpicking, chronic criticism, sarcasms, nagging These behaviors will cause unnecessary distance and pain in the relationship *Americans are particularly prone to this behavior based on cultural speech patterns Being Passive-Aggressive: expressing anger indirectly through subtle behaviors e.g., nitpicking, chronic criticism, sarcasms, nagging These behaviors will cause unnecessary distance and pain in the relationship *Americans are particularly prone to this behavior based on cultural speech patterns

6. The Four Horsemen and the Apocalypse (Gottman) 1. Contempt 2. Criticism 3. Defensiveness 4. Stonewalling 5. Belligerence * 90 percent of couples displaying these behaviors got divorced 1. Contempt 2. Criticism 3. Defensiveness 4. Stonewalling 5. Belligerence * 90 percent of couples displaying these behaviors got divorced

7. Gendered Differences in Communication Report Talk vs. Rapport Talk (Tannen) 1. Men: conversation aimed by relaying information 2. Women: speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy * Female-demand/Male-withdraw Pattern Report Talk vs. Rapport Talk (Tannen) 1. Men: conversation aimed by relaying information 2. Women: speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy * Female-demand/Male-withdraw Pattern

8. Explanations of the Female- demand/Male-withdraw Pattern 1. Biological (Gottman) The biological effects of stress that men experience occurs more rapidly and are slower to dissipate 2. Socialization (Real) “secret legacy of depression”Men are not allowed to associate with anything “feminine” like discussing his feelings in relation to his wife’s complaints 1. Biological (Gottman) The biological effects of stress that men experience occurs more rapidly and are slower to dissipate 2. Socialization (Real) “secret legacy of depression”Men are not allowed to associate with anything “feminine” like discussing his feelings in relation to his wife’s complaints

9. What Wives and Husbands can do (Gottman) Wives: “Soothing” Husbands: Accept the influence of your wife Wives: “Soothing” Husbands: Accept the influence of your wife

10. Guidelines for Bond Fighting 1. Level with Each Other 2. Avoid Attacks, Use “I-Statements” 3. Avoid Mixed or Double Messages 4. Choose Time and Place Carefully 1. Level with Each Other 2. Avoid Attacks, Use “I-Statements” 3. Avoid Mixed or Double Messages 4. Choose Time and Place Carefully

11. Guidelines for Bond Fighting 5. Focus Anger Only on Specific Issues 6. Ask for Specific Change, be Open to Compromise 7. Be Willing to Change Yourself 8. Don’t Try to Win 9. Remember to End the Argument 5. Focus Anger Only on Specific Issues 6. Ask for Specific Change, be Open to Compromise 7. Be Willing to Change Yourself 8. Don’t Try to Win 9. Remember to End the Argument