1. Management Techniques 4-H 101: Return to the Basics CES Staff Development Series Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 9:30-11:30 a.m. IP Video Presentation by Steve McKinley mckinles@purdue.edu; 765-494-8435

2. 4-H 101 Series Effectively Utilizing Volunteers (10/4) Effectively Utilizing Volunteers (10/4) Starting and Maintaining 4-H Clubs (11/15) Starting and Maintaining 4-H Clubs (11/15) Expanding 4-H Opportunities (12/13) Expanding 4-H Opportunities (12/13) Characteristics of Positive Youth Development & Life Skill Development (1/10) Characteristics of Positive Youth Development & Life Skill Development (1/10) 4-H Purpose, History, and Structure (2/14) 4-H Purpose, History, and Structure (2/14) Conflict Management Techniques (3/14) Conflict Management Techniques (3/14)

3. Program Information… Disconnected? Contact the AgIT Help Desk at 765-494-8333 Disconnected? Contact the AgIT Help Desk at 765-494-8333 Provide feedback to: Steve at 765-494- 8435, or mckinles@purdue.edu Provide feedback to: Steve at 765-494- 8435, or mckinles@purdue.edu

4. Objectives: 1. Describe characteristics of conflict. 2. Identify typical responses when needs are violated. 3. Distinguish among three stages of conflict. 4. Define the five conflict handling modes discussed in the Thomas-Kilman Instrument. 5. Review various conflict management resources. 6. Demonstrate methods to effectively resolve conflict situations.

5. What do you know about conflict? Write “True” or “False” next to each statement below… 1. Conflict left alone will take care of itself. 2. Confronting an issue or a person is always unpleasant. 3. Conflict within an organization is a sign of poor leadership. 4. It takes two people communicating effectively to change the direction of a conflict. 5. Conflict can be constructive. 6. How we respond to others and situations is based on the attitude we take.

6. What do you know about conflict? 7. Anger is always negative and destructive. 8. Communication is 50% verbal and 50% nonverbal. 9. Conflict is resolved once the goal switches from solving concrete problems to proving you are right and another person is wrong. 10. Communication and emotion are two key elements of any conflict. 11. Conflict is best dealt with in the early stages when the fewest number of people are involved. 12. In times of conflict it is important to speak loudly and with authority in order to make a point.

7. Objective 1 Describe characteristics of conflict.

8. Conflict… Occurs when cares/concerns appear to be incompatible Occurs when cares/concerns appear to be incompatible Internal Conflict: Internal Conflict: a disturbance that rages within a single individual a disturbance that rages within a single individual Interpersonal Conflict: Interpersonal Conflict: a disturbance that exists between 2 or more individuals/groups a disturbance that exists between 2 or more individuals/groups

9. Conflict is…. Something we face everyday. Something we face everyday. A fact of life. A fact of life. An opportunity to create an understanding. An opportunity to create an understanding. Often a result of miscommunication. Often a result of miscommunication. Not limited to fighting. Not limited to fighting. Not always negative! Not always negative!

10. Critical Elements of Conflict Communication Communication Verbal communication Verbal communication 7% 7% Non-verbal communication Non-verbal communication 93% 93% Emotional Aspect Emotional Aspect Is this pushing a “hot button”? Is this pushing a “hot button”? What is your level of commitment to this person? What is your level of commitment to this person? What else is happening in your life? What else is happening in your life? On a scale of 1-10, how important is this? On a scale of 1-10, how important is this?

11. Emotional Don’ts: Don’t get in a power struggle. Don’t get in a power struggle. Don’t detach from conflict. Don’t detach from conflict. Don’t let conflict establish your agenda. Don’t let conflict establish your agenda. Don’t over-dramatize the situation. Don’t over-dramatize the situation. Don’t “awfulize”!! Don’t “awfulize”!!

12. Objective 2 Identify typical responses when needs are violated.

13. Four Basic Psychological Needs: To be valued and treated as an individual To be valued and treated as an individual To be in control To be in control To have strong self-esteem To have strong self-esteem To be consistent To be consistent

14. When needs are violated, individuals respond. Retaliate Retaliate Momentary Momentary Always a mistake Always a mistake Intimidate Intimidate Short tempers Short tempers Strong opinions Strong opinions Hard on the long term relationship Hard on the long term relationship

15. When needs are violated, individuals respond. Isolate Isolate Appear to accept the situation Appear to accept the situation They may actually be suppressing it They may actually be suppressing it This is how small problems grow into huge misunderstandings This is how small problems grow into huge misunderstandings Cooperate Cooperate Confront the issue immediately Confront the issue immediately Address the problem by putting it on the table Address the problem by putting it on the table Greatest long term benefit Greatest long term benefit

16. Is this your wish for all of the difficult people in your life? If so, you might not be in a cooperative spirit! If so, you might not be in a cooperative spirit!

17. Objective 3 Distinguish among three stages of conflict.

18. 3 Stages of Conflict Stage One: Everyday Difficulties Stage One: Everyday Difficulties Low intensity Low intensity Day-to-day irritations Day-to-day irritations Discomfort & anger are quickly passed off Discomfort & anger are quickly passed off “No big deal” attitude “No big deal” attitude Strategies: Strategies: Avoidance Avoidance Obliging Obliging Jointly examine both sides Jointly examine both sides Evaluate the proportion of the reaction to the situation Evaluate the proportion of the reaction to the situation

19. 3 Stages of Conflict Stage Two: Significant Difficulties Stage Two: Significant Difficulties Win-lose attitude Win-lose attitude More personal investment More personal investment Self interest & saving face is important Self interest & saving face is important Victories/mistakes are remembered Victories/mistakes are remembered Alliances & cliques are formed Alliances & cliques are formed Strategies: Strategies: Create a safe environment - informal setting, neutral turf, agenda, control, set tone, be vulnerable Create a safe environment - informal setting, neutral turf, agenda, control, set tone, be vulnerable Hard on facts and soft on people Hard on facts and soft on people Do initial work as a team Do initial work as a team Look for middle ground Look for middle ground Allow enough time Allow enough time Seat people next to each other Seat people next to each other

20. 3 Stages of Conflict Stage Three: Overt Battles Stage Three: Overt Battles Shift from wanting to win to wanting to hurt Shift from wanting to win to wanting to hurt Being right and punishing the wrong is a consuming motivation Being right and punishing the wrong is a consuming motivation Positions are polarized Positions are polarized Logic and reason are ineffective Logic and reason are ineffective Strategies: Strategies: Negotiation - discussion & compromise Negotiation - discussion & compromise Mediation - third party serves as a go-between in order to reconcile Mediation - third party serves as a go-between in order to reconcile Arbitration - determination of a case in controversy by a person selected by the parties Arbitration - determination of a case in controversy by a person selected by the parties

21. Objective 4 Define the five conflict handling modes discussed in the Thomas- Kilman Instrument.

22. What’s Your Conflict Management Style? How do you react during a conflict...and how do others react to you? How do you react during a conflict...and how do others react to you? Thomas-Kilman Instrument (TKI) -Provides information about an individual’s style of handling conflict, compared to five distinct modes. Thomas-Kilman Instrument (TKI) -Provides information about an individual’s style of handling conflict, compared to five distinct modes. ASSERTIVENESS (Trying to satisfy your own concerns) vs. COOPERATIVENESS (Trying to satisfy the other’s concerns) ASSERTIVENESS (Trying to satisfy your own concerns) vs. COOPERATIVENESS (Trying to satisfy the other’s concerns)

23. Graph of Conflict Handling Modes Accommodating Compromising Avoiding CollaboratingCompeting CooperativeUncooperative Assertive Unassertive

24. TKI Conflict Handling Modes Competing: High assertiveness and low cooperativeness —the goal is to “win” Competing: High assertiveness and low cooperativeness —the goal is to “win” Occurs when you take a position that meets your concerns but not the other person’s. A win-lose mode. Occurs when you take a position that meets your concerns but not the other person’s. A win-lose mode.

25. TKI Conflict Handling Modes Accommodating: Low assertiveness and high cooperativeness — the goal is to “yield” Accommodating: Low assertiveness and high cooperativeness — the goal is to “yield” Occurs when you accept a position that meets the other person’s concerns over yours. A win- lose mode. Occurs when you accept a position that meets the other person’s concerns over yours. A win- lose mode.

26. TKI Conflict Handling Modes Avoiding: Low assertiveness and low cooperativeness — the goal is to “delay” Avoiding: Low assertiveness and low cooperativeness — the goal is to “delay” Occurs when you try not to engage in a conflict issue. It is a lose-lose mode. Occurs when you try not to engage in a conflict issue. It is a lose-lose mode.

27. TKI Conflict Handling Modes Compromising: Moderate assertiveness and moderate cooperativeness — the goal is to “find a middle ground" Compromising: Moderate assertiveness and moderate cooperativeness — the goal is to “find a middle ground" Settle for a position that partially satisfies your concerns and those of the other person. A win-lose mode. Settle for a position that partially satisfies your concerns and those of the other person. A win-lose mode.

28. TKI Conflict Handling Modes Collaborating: High assertiveness and high cooperativeness — the goal is to “find a win- win solution” Collaborating: High assertiveness and high cooperativeness — the goal is to “find a win- win solution” Occurs when you find a position that fully satisfies your own and the other person’s concerns. A win-win mode. Occurs when you find a position that fully satisfies your own and the other person’s concerns. A win-win mode.

29. Uses of Each TKI Mode Scenario: A parent has submitted a somewhat controversial proposal to the 4-H Council which has led to conflict between the parent and the 4-H Youth Development Extension Educator. We’ll first look at a poor use and then a more effective use of each mode.

30. Competing Poor use: Poor use: Educator… “Look, I don’t care what you think or how unfair you think this is! Rules are rules, and I’ve been hired to enforce them with no exceptions! I’m right in this situation, and the case is closed!” Educator… “Look, I don’t care what you think or how unfair you think this is! Rules are rules, and I’ve been hired to enforce them with no exceptions! I’m right in this situation, and the case is closed!” Effective use: Effective use: Educator… “I understand that this is an important issue for you. However, as your proposal is currently stated, it does not fit in the guidelines set by the 4-H Council. As Educator, it is my job to enforce the rules that have been set no matter how unpopular they may be. The Council has set the rules so that the 4-H program is within federal and state guidelines. I am not asking you to agree with my position, but I do hope that you will respect it.” Educator… “I understand that this is an important issue for you. However, as your proposal is currently stated, it does not fit in the guidelines set by the 4-H Council. As Educator, it is my job to enforce the rules that have been set no matter how unpopular they may be. The Council has set the rules so that the 4-H program is within federal and state guidelines. I am not asking you to agree with my position, but I do hope that you will respect it.”

31. Avoiding Poor use: Poor use: Educator (has received a call from the secretary)… “No, I don’t want to talk to him now. Tell him I’m not in. No…tell him I’m in a meeting and can’t be disturbed. I don’t care what you tell him…just get rid of him!” Educator (has received a call from the secretary)… “No, I don’t want to talk to him now. Tell him I’m not in. No…tell him I’m in a meeting and can’t be disturbed. I don’t care what you tell him…just get rid of him!” Effective use: Effective use: Educator… “Look, this is obviously an emotional issue for you. I know that you have a lot invested in it. Why don’t we take some time away from the issue right now and plan to talk again tomorrow? How does 10 a.m. sound? In the mean time, I will do some research on your issue to see if I can find additional options for us to consider regarding your situation.” Educator… “Look, this is obviously an emotional issue for you. I know that you have a lot invested in it. Why don’t we take some time away from the issue right now and plan to talk again tomorrow? How does 10 a.m. sound? In the mean time, I will do some research on your issue to see if I can find additional options for us to consider regarding your situation.”

32. Accommodating Poor use: Poor use: Educator… “Hey…I understand this is important to you. So, even though your proposal doesn’t fit within the 4-H Council’s guidelines, I’ll overlook it this time and recommend it for approval. You’re an important citizen in this county, and I don’t want to damage our relationship in the future.” Educator… “Hey…I understand this is important to you. So, even though your proposal doesn’t fit within the 4-H Council’s guidelines, I’ll overlook it this time and recommend it for approval. You’re an important citizen in this county, and I don’t want to damage our relationship in the future.” Effective use: Effective use: Educator… “I don’t want to seem unresponsive to your concerns on this important issue. However, I don’t have authority to overturn the Council’s decision. So, what I suggest is that I put your issue on the agenda of the next 4-H Council meeting and invite you to attend, to see if the Council has some additional options for you to consider.” Educator… “I don’t want to seem unresponsive to your concerns on this important issue. However, I don’t have authority to overturn the Council’s decision. So, what I suggest is that I put your issue on the agenda of the next 4-H Council meeting and invite you to attend, to see if the Council has some additional options for you to consider.”

33. Compromising Compromising Poor use: Poor use: Educator… “You’ve heard the expression, ‘You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours’? I bet we can come to some agreement here. You’ve got season tickets to the basketball games this year, right? How ‘bout you letting me have tickets for a couple of games, and I’ll see if I can’t get this proposal to slip right through the 4-H Council? They have so many issues to deal with, they won’t even know!” Educator… “You’ve heard the expression, ‘You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours’? I bet we can come to some agreement here. You’ve got season tickets to the basketball games this year, right? How ‘bout you letting me have tickets for a couple of games, and I’ll see if I can’t get this proposal to slip right through the 4-H Council? They have so many issues to deal with, they won’t even know!” Effective use: Effective use: Educator… “The 4-H Council has set some pretty tight guidelines for me to follow. However, they understand that there are times that some allowances may need to be made. If you would agree to a revision here in Part A of your proposal to be in line with the Council’s guidelines, I believe that they would be willing to consent to your request in Part B. Would you consider that revision?” Educator… “The 4-H Council has set some pretty tight guidelines for me to follow. However, they understand that there are times that some allowances may need to be made. If you would agree to a revision here in Part A of your proposal to be in line with the Council’s guidelines, I believe that they would be willing to consent to your request in Part B. Would you consider that revision?”

34. Collaborating Poor use: Poor use: Educator… “O.K., we have an obvious difference of opinion here. I’m not willing to take the responsibility by myself, so let’s call together a series of meetings with the 4-H Council, their sub- committees, my CED, some 4-H Leaders, parents, and members. We’ll see if we can’t research this issue in depth, discuss it extensively, and come up with a solution in which all parties are in agreement. I’m guessing this process will only take about 6-8 months. That’s not too long of a wait for you, is it?” Educator… “O.K., we have an obvious difference of opinion here. I’m not willing to take the responsibility by myself, so let’s call together a series of meetings with the 4-H Council, their sub- committees, my CED, some 4-H Leaders, parents, and members. We’ll see if we can’t research this issue in depth, discuss it extensively, and come up with a solution in which all parties are in agreement. I’m guessing this process will only take about 6-8 months. That’s not too long of a wait for you, is it?” Effective use: Effective use: Educator… “Since this is such an important issue both to you and the 4-H Council, I suggest that we sit down at a special meeting of the Council to try to better understand each others’ concerns. We don’t want this issue to be unresolved too long, because there are a lot of resources involved here, but I do think it is important to try to reach a mutual decision that we can all agree upon. Let’s plan for a one-hour meeting with the Council next week, O.K.?” Educator… “Since this is such an important issue both to you and the 4-H Council, I suggest that we sit down at a special meeting of the Council to try to better understand each others’ concerns. We don’t want this issue to be unresolved too long, because there are a lot of resources involved here, but I do think it is important to try to reach a mutual decision that we can all agree upon. Let’s plan for a one-hour meeting with the Council next week, O.K.?”

35. What is the Best Way to Handle Conflict??? No silver bullet or magic formula. No silver bullet or magic formula. Key is knowing when to use each strategy, and not to let the situation get out of control Key is knowing when to use each strategy, and not to let the situation get out of control Remember…Negative Behavior never confronted, never changes!!!!! Remember…Negative Behavior never confronted, never changes!!!!!

36. Objective 5 Review various conflict management resources.

37. Conflict Management Resources “Conflict Management” “Conflict Management” i-LEaD, Betty A. Krejci, Purdue University Cooperative Extension i-LEaD, Betty A. Krejci, Purdue University Cooperative Extension “Conflict in Extension…It happens!” “Conflict in Extension…It happens!” 2002 NELD Class - Maryann Dickason, Natalie Fowler, Kris Goff, Mike Manning, Steve McKinley, Diane Roell-Paris 2002 NELD Class - Maryann Dickason, Natalie Fowler, Kris Goff, Mike Manning, Steve McKinley, Diane Roell-Paris

38. Conflict Management Resources Thomas, K.W. & Kilman, R.H. Thomas- Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument, www.cpp.com Thomas, K.W. & Kilman, R.H. Thomas- Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument, www.cpp.com www.cpp.com Thomas, K.W. Introduction to Conflict Management, Improving Performance Using the TKI, www.cpp.com Thomas, K.W. Introduction to Conflict Management, Improving Performance Using the TKI, www.cpp.comwww.cpp.com

39. Conflict Management Resources A Model for Managing Controversial Issues for County Fairs (and other sticky situations), University of Minnesota Extension, http://www.fourh.umn.edu/resources/App eals_Process.pdf A Model for Managing Controversial Issues for County Fairs (and other sticky situations), University of Minnesota Extension, http://www.fourh.umn.edu/resources/App eals_Process.pdf http://www.fourh.umn.edu/resources/App eals_Process.pdf http://www.fourh.umn.edu/resources/App eals_Process.pdf

40. Objective 6 Demonstrate methods to effectively resolve conflict situations.

41. Conflict Management Scenarios

42. Scenario #1 The President of the board to which you are an advisor works hard at each meeting to make everyone feel welcome. But, when it comes to encouraging committees to work and the members to complete their assignments, nothing positive seems to happen. As advisor you have been asked by some of the board members to resolve this situation.

43. Scenario #2 It is county fair week. The 4-H Fashion Revue judging results have been announced earlier in the evening. A parent is heading toward you, the Extension Educator, and she doesn’t look happy. As she approaches you, she proceeds to tell you how her daughter was cheated out of a chance to compete at the State Fair. Your job is to resolve this situation.

44. Scenario #3 May 15th is the deadline to submit all 4-H Livestock Enrollment forms in your county 4-H program. As 4-H/Youth Extension Educator, you have taken steps to inform your members throughout the year of this important deadline. On May 16th a 4-H parent comes to your office with forms in hand ready to submit them. You explain the deadline to this parent who immediately becomes irate and demands you accept these forms!

45. Scenario #4 A 4-H family has been away and did not get the message (left on their answering machine) that the 4-H Club Family Fun Night was changed to Tuesday night. The family shows up on Wednesday night (the original date printed in the club calendar) at the advisor’s home ready for the program. The family is very unhappy and calls you, the Extension Educator, the next day to share their concerns.

46. Scenario #5 During a 4-H Club meeting two young ladies, who have always been good friends in the past, become caught up in a discussion on who would be this year’s 4-H Fair Queen. Instead of supporting each other, each starts to tell others how much they have given to the program and why they should be Queen. The conversation has gotten out of hand. As advisor you need to help the officers regain control.

47. Tips to Handling Conflicts Keep program policies with you Keep program policies with you Listen and ask clarifying questions Listen and ask clarifying questions Write notes and keep record of conversations Write notes and keep record of conversations Consider various options Consider various options

48. Tips to Handling Conflicts Learn from the conflict Learn from the conflict What did you do well? What did you do well? What would you like to improve the next time? What would you like to improve the next time? What changes (if any) need to be made as a result of this issue? What changes (if any) need to be made as a result of this issue? Real-life examples and tips??? Real-life examples and tips???

49. Conflict Quiz Review 1. False 2. False 3. False 4. False 5. True 6. True 7. False 8. False 9. False 10. True 11. True 12. False

50. Questions?

51. …for your participation throughout the 4-H 101 Series! An evaluation of the series will be coming shortly via e-mail. Thank you in advance for your feedback.