1. Writing Business Messages
Brought to you by the Purdue University Writing Lab
Rationale: Welcome to “Writing Business Messages.” This presentation is designed to help writers analyze their audience and organize information effectively in business messages. The 41 slides presented here are designed to aid the facilitator in an interactive presentation about the business writing process. This presentation is ideal for any writer who desires to write more effective and persuasive business messages.
Directions: Each slide is activated by a single mouse click, unless otherwise noted in bold at the bottom of each notes page
Writer and Designer: Angela Laflen, with contributions from Stephanie Williams Hughes and Victoria Kellough
Developed with resources courtesy of the Purdue University Writing Lab
Grant funding courtesy of the Multimedia Instructional Development Center at Purdue University
© Copyright Purdue University, 2000.

2. Know your audience Business writing is persuasive writing.
At the most basic level, business writing seeks to convince the reader that what is being said is true.
Some business writing will try to persuade the reader to take an action or think about something a certain way.
Explanation: Because business writing is fundamentally persuasive, audience is crucial to its success. It is difficult to convince someone of something without taking that person’s feelings, perspective, and needs into account.
Activate each item in the list with a single mouse click.

3. Know your audience
You will be able to write most persuasively if you know your audience and their expectations and if you organize your message to address their needs.
Rationale: The facilitator should stress that considering audience helps writers to make their documents relevant to readers, indicates how much information they need to include, and helps them to organize information clearly.

4. Know your audience Sometimes you will know your audience personally.
Other times you will not know your audience personally, or you will need to write to more than one person.
Explanation: The facilitator should stress that writers should use different strategies depending on whether they are writing to someone they know or someone they don’t know. Writers should also take into account whether they are writing to one person or more than one person. The more people that read a message, the more reading needs the writer will have to take into account.

5. When you know your reader
Put yourself in your reader’s place and look at your message through that person’s eyes.
If your message does not meet your reader’s needs or if it isn’t written at his or her level of understanding, your message may be ignored.
Explanation: A writer’s audience is anyone who may read the message, and often business messages are written for a specific reader or group of readers. It is definitely worth the writer’s time to consider the needs of his/her reader(s) before beginning to write because it can help to establish appropriate language, content, and tone for the message.

6. When you know your reader
Before you write, ask yourself these questions about your reader:
How interested or involved in the subject is my reader?
How knowledgeable is he or she on the subject?
What is my reader’s purpose for reading? To make a decision? To be better informed?
Does my reader have special concerns or strong views about the subject? What are they?
How does my reader regard me personally and professionally?
What is my reader’s style of doing business?
Explanation: These questions can help the writer to think specifically about his or her audience. They address the reader’s knowledge, interest level, purpose, and personality. All of these factors influence the way a reader will understand a message.
Activate each item in the list with a single mouse click.

7. When you do not know your reader
There are two general types of business readers: skimmers and skeptics.
Your documents will be most effective if you write for both types of readers.
Rationale: This slide introduces the audience to the two general types of business readers. It is important that writers take both types of readers into account when writing for an audience they do not know personally or well.

8. When you do not know your reader
Skimmers are readers that are typically very busy. Pressed for time, they often skim documents in a rather short period of time.
The documents you
prepare for skimmers
should:
State the main point clearly and up front
Place the most important information at the beginning or ending of paragraphs
Highlight key dates or figures
Explanation: This slide introduces the audience to skimmers, readers who are busy and look quickly at documents before deciding whether to commit their time to reading further or not. The slide also lists three steps writers can take to meet the needs of skimmers. The first two steps will be discussed in greater detail later in the presentation.

9. When you do not know your reader
The second type of reader is a Skeptic. A Skeptic is a reader that is cautious and doubtful.
Skeptical readers will tend to read a document carefully, questioning its validity and the writer’s claims.
Explanation: This slide introduces the audience to the skeptical reader, or the reader who will question the document to see whether it is convincing.

10. When you do not know your reader
In order to meet the needs of the Skeptical reader, it is necessary to support your statements with sufficient details and evidence.
Provide specific examples, numbers, dates, names, and percentages to meet the needs of the skeptical reader.
Explanation: This slide lists some strategies writers can take to meet the needs of skeptical readers. These strategies will be discussed in greater detail later in the presentation.

11. Know your audience Knowing your audience is only the first step.
This information must affect the way that you write your message.
So, how can you write for both skimmers and skeptics at the same time?
Using knowledge of your audience to develop and organize the content of your message will help you to create documents that can be skimmed easily and read critically.
Explanation: The facilitator should stress that documents will be most effective if writers write for both skimmers and skeptics and if writers take their specific readers’ needs into account. It is also important to stress that what writers learn about their audience should effect the decisions that they make in writing their message.
Activate the right-hand column with a single mouse click.

12. Audience expectations
Your document will be most successful if it matches the reader’s expectations.
Most American readers will share the same general expectations.
Three of the most common expectations are that your message will:
Get to the point
Be kept as simple as possible
Use passive and active voice appropriately
Explanation: This slide introduces three of the most common expectations that American readers share. Each expectation will be discussed in the following slides.

13. Get to the point
Readers will expect you to answer the question, “so what is your point?” early in the document, regardless of the type of document they are reading.
Preview your main idea so that readers will know what to expect.
Even when delivering bad news, it is best to state the main point early in the document.
Rationale: Readers are busy. They want to know why the document deserves their time before committing to read it. Since they will be expecting it early, they also may miss your main point if it comes late in the document.
This expectation has an advantage for writers as well as for readers; it helps writers to understand what their purpose is in writing. Often, writers do not answer the question “what is your point?” because they aren’t sure what their point is. Thinking about this from the reader’s perspective helps writers to establish what their purpose is in writing. Establishing the purpose of a message is crucial to effectively organizing and developing the message.

14. Get to the point
Here is an example of a hidden main point in requesting an employment verification.
Dear Personnel Director:
On March 27, I received a
phone call from Mrs. Karen
Krane from New York, who
was once a data entry clerk
in your Ohio office. She was
under the direct supervision
of.....
Explanation: The above statement goes on for several lines and the writer still has not revealed his or her purpose. A busy personnel director might skip over this request and make it a last priority.

15. Get to the point
Here is the same example rewritten so that the main point is clear.
Dear Personnel Director:
Would you verify the
employment of Mrs. Karen
Krane? She was a data
entry clerk in your Ohio
office (fill in the details)
Explanation: The example demonstrates how a writer might state his or her main point up front before introducing background information.

16. Get to the point Even bad news should always be delivered up front.
You can cushion bad news by the language you use. When delivering bad news, do not be too aggressive, as in the first example.
Not: We must hire a new secretary now.
But: I know that you do not think we should hire a new secretary now, but I really think we need to. Please let me explain my reasons.
Explanation: This slide explains that even bad news should be delivered up front, and the second example demonstrates how a writer can use language to cushion bad news even when delivering it up front.
Each example is activated by a single mouse click.

17. Keep it simple
Do not feel compelled to use bigger words or more complex sentences to build credibility with your audience.
The main reasons to avoid such an approach are:
a) you might be perceived as a con artist or,
b) your message might become confusing.
Explanation: Writers should strive to have their writing go unnoticed by readers because it reads so smoothly that the reader has no cause to consider it in detail. Using words that readers are unfamiliar with or long, complicated sentences and paragraphs are sure ways to draw attention to writing.

18. Keep it simple An example using “impressive” words: Subsequent to the
passage of the subject
legislation, it is incumbent
upon you to advise your
organization to comply
with it.
An example using simple words:
After the law passes,
you must tell your
people to comply with
it.
Explanation: This slide helps to illustrate how much easier sentences are to read when they use simple words.
The right-hand column is activated by a single mouse click.
Activity: What simpler words could be substituted for the words below? Rewrite the sentence below using simpler words.
Ascertain (learn)
Endeavor (try)
Enumerate (list)
Fabricate (make)
Indispensable (vital)
Modification (change)
Recapitulate (review)
Utilization (use)
To recapitulate, our utilization of adulterated water precipitated the interminable delays.
 (To review, our use of impure water caused the endless/long delays.)
*Examples taken from Ober, Scott. Contemporary Business Communication. 2nd edition. Boston: Houghton, 1995.

19. Use active and passive voice appropriately
Passive voice has three
basic characteristics:
1. a form of the verb to be
(is, am, are, was, were, be,
been, or being).
2. a past participle (a verb
ending in -ed or -en except
irregular verbs like kept).
3. a prepositional phrase
beginning with by
Here is a sentence using all
three characteristics:
“The matter is being looked
into by the committee.”
Another sample of a passive
sentence:
“You have been given an
extension on your loan.”
Explanation: Passive statements can convey a clear message and in many cases are grammatically correct. However, passive phrases are often overused by writers.

20. Use active and passive voice appropriately
Passive voice is often overused in business writing.
A writer uses passive voice to purposefully leave out the actor or subject of the sentence in an effort to sound more diplomatic.
Explanation: The facilitator should stress that although passive voice is often overused in business writing, it is not entirely inappropriate and in fact serves an important function at times. Especially when a writer needs to sound diplomatic, passive voice should be used instead of active voice.

21. Use active and passive voice appropriately
Active: You are past due on your registration payment.
Passive: Your registration payment is past due.
The passive example is less confrontational. It takes the actor out of the sentence so that the message does not appear to blame someone.
Explanation: This slide demonstrates a case when using passive voice is preferable to using active voice. The passive example is less confrontational than the active example.

22. Use passive and active voice appropriately
Use passive voice:
1) when you don't know the actor (The door was left unlocked.)
2) when the actor is unimportant to the point you're making (The office will be open on Monday.)
3) when the emphasis is clearly not on the actor but on the acted upon (What happened to the student who plagiarized their paper? The student was failed.)
Explanation: This slide lists the three instances in which writers should use passive voice. An example of each type of passive voice is listed as well.
Each item in the list is activated by a single mouse click.

23. Audience expectations
Readers from other cultures will often have a different set of reader expectations.
Be sensitive to these differences when writing to or for people from other cultures.
Explanation: This slide reminds the audience that readers from other cultures will often have different reader expectations than those from the United States. Writers would be wise to consider the different expectations readers might have when writing to those from other cultures. For example, some readers from other cultures will not want the main point up front but will want a polite introduction first.

24. Audience expectations
Some strategies for communicating with those from different cultures:
Maintain formality—use titles and family names and convey an attitude of propriety.
Avoid slang, jargon, and other figures of speech (zero tolerance policy, once-over, done deal, user-friendly, etc.).
Be specific and illustrate your points with concrete examples.
Provide summary.
Explanation: This slide lists four strategies writers can use to help them effectively communicate with readers from other cultures. The second point is especially important.
Each item in the list is activated by a single mouse click.
Activity: What about this message might confuse the international student who received it? How could the message be revised to meet the needs of an international student?
I received a complaint that loud noise was coming from your room after hours on Friday, September 14, and am writing to warn you that you will need to keep it down in the future so as to avoid disciplinary action. If you are unfamiliar with the policy on noise, please read pages 4-6 of the guidebook issued to you at the beginning of the year. If you have any questions, please contact me at

25. Content Content refers to the information included in the message.
Considering your audience will help you to determine what information to include in the document.
Your Goal: to include enough information to keep the reader’s interest but not so much information that you waste the reader’s time and obscure your main point.
Explanation: This slide introduces the concept of content to the audience. What a writer learns about his or her audience should directly influence the content he or she includes in the message.

26. Content
Do not begin writing your document until you have planned what you want to say.
This will help you avoid writer’s block or writing a poorly developed message.
Ask yourself:
How much background information is needed?
How can I best support my conclusions?
Would examples, details, or graphics help readers to understand?
Do I need to do any more research?
Explanation: This slide offers practical advice for planning the content of a message, including questions writers should ask before beginning to write the content of their messages.
Each bulleted point is activated by a single mouse click.

27. Content
Some common methods that writers use to help them determine content are:
Outlining
Brainstorming
Clustering
Explanation: This slide introduces the audience to three common methods that writers use to help them determine what content to include in their messages. They will be discussed in greater detail in the next three slides.

28. Progress Report for January 2002
Content
Outlining: create a hierarchy of your ideas.
This will help you to identify what your main points are, what supporting material is available, and what other information you need to include.
Progress Report for January 2002
I. Background
A. Details of my being hired in Dec. 2001
B. My objectives the first month
II. Work completed to date
A. Developed a plan and presented it to the necessary committee
B. Plan has been approved
III. Work to be completed
A. Plan will be initiated by March 2002
Explanation: This slide considers the method of outlining specifically. The facilitator should stress that some writers have trouble outlining until they have already planned their message, but for others it can be helpful. Writers should not feel like they cannot change their outline as they advance in their planning process.

29. Content Jan.2002 Progress Report:
----Being hired: no clear procedure for handling mail.
---My plan: name of the committee who approved it??
---Susan and I hope the plan will be in place by March 2002.
Brainstorming: write down ideas, facts, and anything else that seems related to your purpose.
Don’t edit yourself as you brainstorm.
When you’re finished, decide what’s important and what can be deleted or revised.
Explanation: This slide considers the method of brainstorming. This method can be very helpful in overcoming writer’s block and in discovering what a writer does and does not know about a subject.

30. Content
Work to do
Clustering: Write your main point in the middle of the page and circle it.
As you think of ideas, write them down and link them to either the main idea or to another point.
Hired in Dec.
My progress
Explanation: This slide introduces the method of clustering, which helps writers to create a visual hierarchy while still allowing them the freedom of brainstorming.
Work to do
Work finished

31. Organization
Organization refers to the order in which information is presented.
Once you know what information you want to include in your document, you can decide how to organize that information.
Explanation: The facilitator should stress that organization is crucial to the success of a business message. It is important to organize information in a way that will appear logical to readers and that will be most persuasive to them.

32. Organization
The first step to organizing is to group like information together.
Next, consider the reaction you are likely to get from your reader.
Explanation: This slide presents the first two steps a writer should take when considering organization. Much of the decision about how to organize is based on whether the writer expects a positive or negative reaction.
Each graphic is activated by a single mouse click.

33. Organization
If you expect a positive response, you can use a direct organizational plan.
Present your conclusions or major idea first, followed by the reasons or support.
I recently came across your
posting for aviation interns on
an employment opportunities
board. My organizational,
leadership, and problem-
solving skills uniquely qualify
me for the position of
planning and development
intern at Phoenix Sky Harbor
International Airport.
Explanation: This slide explains that if a writer expects a positive reaction from the reader, he or she should use the direct organizational plan, and the slide explains what that plan is.
Example: The sample is taken from the opening paragraph of a cover letter. Notice how the writer presents the conclusion that she is qualified for the position in the second sentence. The rest of the letter will work to prove that this is true.

34. Organization
You did such a good job of
explaining the merits of our
new Tuition Assistance
Program that I have
tentatively decided to apply
for the program myself. To
keep my options open, then, I
must ask you to select
someone else to serve on the
program committee. . .
If you expect a negative response, you might choose to use an indirect organizational plan.
Present your reasons first and your conclusions after.
Even when using this plan, be sure to state your main point up front.
Explanation: This slide explains that if writers expect a negative reaction from their readers, they should use an indirect organizational plan, even though they should still state their main point up front.
Example: In the example, the writer turns down a request to serve on a committee, explaining the reasons why in positive sounding language.
NOTE: Readers from other cultures will often expect writers to use an indirect organizational plan, even for good-news messages. Some readers find messages written in the direct organizational plan harsh and abrupt, lacking courtesy. Writers should try to adapt their style to the needs of the reader. An easy way to tell whether an international reader will expect messages in an indirect style is to look at the way that they deliver messages. Writers should adapt their style of writing accordingly.

35. Organization
You can also organize information in paragraphs to meet the needs of skimmers and skeptics.
Explanation: This slide reintroduces the terms skimmers and skeptics and suggests that writers should organize paragraphs to meet the needs of these readers.

36. Organization
Place information where readers are most likely to look for it:
Skimmers are most likely to read the first and last paragraphs of a message.
Within paragraphs, skimmers are most likely to read the first and last sentences.
Explanation: This slide explains where readers are most likely to look for information in a message. Taking this into account will help writers to meet the needs of skimmers, who only glance briefly at messages.
Each point is activated by a single mouse click.

37. Organization Use paragraphs effectively:
Keep paragraphs short. Readers are more likely to read a longer message broken into several short paragraphs than they are a shorter message without breaks.
Each paragraph should contain only one main point, and this point should be developed with concrete evidence and details.
Explanation: This slide discusses how writers can use paragraphs most effectively. Short, well developed paragraphs will appeal to both skimmers and skeptics.
Each point is activated by a single mouse click.

38. Did I effectively reach my audience?
When you have finished writing your message, evaluate your writing by considering whether or not you effectively addressed your reader.
It may be necessary to rewrite or reorganize the document to make your message clear.
Explanation: The facilitator should stress that evaluating a message in terms of audience is part of the revision process, and ultimately part of the writing process.

39. 20-second test
Skimmers are likely to spend 20 seconds or less skimming a document to decide whether or not to read it more carefully.
Skim your document for 20 seconds, and mark what stands out most to you in that amount of time.
After you are finished, see if what you have marked is able to convey your message clearly.
Even better, have someone else skim your document before sending it, and see if your message is clear to them as well.
Explanation: This slide outlines one practical strategy for determining how successfully a message meets the needs of a skimmer. The strategy is based on the statistic that says that many business readers claim to spend 20 seconds on messages before deciding whether to read further or discard.
NOTE: Longer business documents might be skimmed for longer than 20 seconds. It is a good rule to skim each page of a business document for 20 seconds.
Each bulleted item is activated by a single mouse click.
Activity: Skim the following letter for 20 seconds, and mark what stands out most to you in that amount of time. Is the information you marked able to clearly convey the message?   
March 15, 2002
Robert W. Smith
Personnel Director
Goldden Corporation
Road 3521
Lafayette, IN
Dear Mr. Smith:
Effective time management is important for success in the position of receiving and delivering. You need look no further for someone to fill the position you advertised in the Feb. 28, 2002 edition of the Journal and Courier.
During my tenure at Cobel’s my duties provided me with valuable understanding of inventory ordering, receiving, stocking, and delivering. Customers would place orders and it was my responsibility to promptly and accurately fill these orders. Delivery of the merchandise and collection of the amount due were assigned to me. This dependence showed the importance I played in the operation of the company. I will do whatever it takes to please the customer, and I have heard that Goldden goes above and beyond to make sure that everyone with whom they have contact is satisfied as well.
I have been named to the Dean’s list five of the six semesters I played baseball. The organizational and interpersonal skills I learn through baseball are also used outside of the diamond. I commit approximately 35 hours a week practicing, traveling and playing baseball. The baseball program demands strong self-discipline, organization, and effective time management to become an individual success. I was selected captain by team members during a championship season in I also have proficient knowledge of computers and can operate words processing programs, spreadsheet programs, and database programs.
My experience with inventory operations, computers, and people makes me the person to fill the position of receiving and delivery. I plan to schedule an interview with you next week to discuss my new job at your company. You may contact me at (555) Thank you.
Sincerely,
Bob Student
1234 Main St.
Lafayette, IN
Enclosure: Resume

40. Testing your assertions
Expect skeptical readers to question every assertion that you make.
Look at your document closely and underline each of your major assertions.
Ask the following questions about each assertion:
Is the assertion clearly stated?
Did I include enough details and examples to support my assertion?
Is it clear what I want the reader to do or know?
Do I provide enough context for the assertion or is more background information needed?
Explanation: This slide offers another practical way to evaluate the success of a message. This strategy is designed to help writers proofread for skeptical readers.
Assertions: what you claim and want the reader to believe is true.
Each item is activated by a single mouse click.
Activity: Look closely at this recommendation letter and underline the writer’s major assertions. What evidence is used to support the assertions? Is this evidence clear and effective, or does it need to be revised? (Participants will probably need about five minutes to read the letter and examine its claims).
September 19, 2001
Lucy Letter Winner’s Road New Employee Town, PA 12345
Dear Ms. Letter:
I am pleased to recommend Jack Spratt for the position of Oracle One Consultant. I believe that Jack’s experience with international customers as a Technical Service Engineer Intern and his coursework using Oracle 7.3 would make him an asset to Oracle.
I met Jack two years ago when he was hired as a Technical Engineer Intern for our company. I supervised Jack in this position, and I saw the way that he learned and understood the effect of different cultures and the role it plays in business development. Success in international business does not always depend on the best product but largely on adjustment to the customer’s cultural background. This is an expertise that Jack can bring to Oracle as a consultant.
Jack’s Oracle application experiences using Oracle 7.3 are also impressive. I have learned that his experiences include coursework in using triggers, stored procedures, SQL, query optimization, database management system (DBMS) selection, database technology installation, database creation and maintenance, DBMS operation and trouble shooting, data warehousing technology, database performance tuning, and database reengineering.
Jack would make an excellent Oracle One Consultant, and I wholeheartedly recommend him for this position. Please contact me if you have any questions at
Sincerely,
Peter Piper
1234 Main St.
Lafayette, IN