1. Moving Children from Conflict to Cooperation Mountain School Nov 9, 2011 Janis Keyser www.becomingtheparent.com

2. What can children learn from conflict? listening, ability to express their ideas, defining problems, learning about boundaries, identification and appropriate expression of feelings, negotiation, consensus, compromise, brain storming, flexibility, sense of community

3. Assumptions about Conflict Conflicts provide rich opportunities for learning The adult’s job is to work her/himself out of a job Punishment is not useful in helping children solve conflicts with each other Children have a high investment in solving problems The skills they learn now for conflict resolution will serve them for a lifetime in many different relationships. Watching another human’s reaction is a better learning opportunity than learning a rule

4. Assumptions about Learning There are no bad kids. People hurt each other only as much as they themselves are hurting Kids that are aggressive are scared. People in a conflict are best served by a mutual solution Every difficult behavior has a good idea behind it. Everyone deserves to be listened to Conflicts are resolved only when each person involved in the conflict is finished with the interaction The children’s relationship is more important whatever they are fighting over

5. General Strategies for helping children with conflict resolution establish safety support both children bring confidence, calm and optimism to the interaction facilitate rather than adjudicate help kids keep focused on each other rather than on you helping children listen to each other help children stay focused on the topic at hand

6. teach and model skills… –active listening, sports casting, reframing, clarifying –providing information –redirection, positive limit setting, –help define the problem –ask questions/invite/brainstorm children’s ideas for mutual solutions –check-in with children for agreement on solution