1. Adult Sexual Relationships
Chapter Nine
Adult Sexual Relationships

2. Agenda Discuss Dating: Fun or Serious Business?
Discuss Marriage: Happy Ever After?
Review Same-Sex Relationships
Discuss Divorce: Whose Fault or No-Fault?
Review Sexuality in Elderly Relationships
Discuss Adult Sexual Relationships in Other Places

3. Self Reflection Exercise: What am I Looking for in a Sexual Partner?
Complete the handout privately.
Don’t share your results with others.

4. Dating: Fun or Serious Business?
Types of Dating and How Do We Meet?
Interracial Dating
Dating after Divorce or Widowhood
Sexuality in Dating Relationships
Sexuality in Elderly Relationships
Cohabitation

5. Dating: Introduction
Dating is a way to discover and compare qualities in search of the best partner
Dating has recreational value
Dating provides companionship, emotional support, possibly economic support
Factors related to those who date: better physical & emotional health, higher self-esteem, sex-role identity
Can be difficult for homosexuals to find dates

6. Dating Trends Many different levels of commitment
Those with more free time (college students) tend to date more
Traditional dating has been replaced by more casual dating, with less chaperoned time
It is difficult to initiate dating, and this may worsen as people get older and have less ways of meeting people

7. Interracial Dating
25% of college students reported currently being in an interracial relationship
50% would be open to dating someone of another race
African Americans are more open to interracial dating than Caucasians
More exposure to white culture
More Caucasians available

8. Dating After Divorce or Widowhood
Dating environment is different than when they dated before marriage
Widowhood is an obstacle in finding another partner
Fewer social opportunities to find a partner
May decide to cohabitate, rather than remarry
Older men more likely to date if socially active and relatively young
Older women more apt if healthy and mobile

9. Sexuality in Dating Relationships
In college, “hooking up” is becoming more common
Some couples abstain from sex
If one person in a couple is a virgin, they are more likely to abstain if it is a female virgin than a male virgin
The woman’s past sexual experience more strongly predicts a couple’s sexual behavior

10. Cohabitation

11. Class Discussion: Cohabitation
Why do you think that cohabitation has become more common?
Why do you think people choose to cohabit? Why do others chose not to cohabit?
Are there circumstances in which you would choose to cohabit?

12. Cohabitation: Issues & Trends
Has increased in recent years; stage of courtship
40% of U.S. couples cohabitate
In the early 1990s, more than half of 1st marriages began with cohabitation
Cohabitating couples are twice as likely to be of different races than married couples
Common-law marriage – if a couple lives together for a certain length of time; 13 states
Half of cohabitating couples break up within one year or less
Those who eventually marry are more likely to divorce; even more with long cohabitations

13. Cohabitation: Advantages & Disadvantages
Advantages: learn more about each other without legal or economic ties, more realistic than dating
Disadvantages: unsupportive family, cut off from friends

14. Cohabitation: Why Increased Relationship Failure?
Couples develop as separate individuals
“Playing house” without the real marital pressures; financial pressures
Type of people that are more likely to cohabit may be more likely to get divorce if faced with marital problems
The need to “test” the relationship likely means a couple is not ready

15. Cohabitation in Other Cultures
Less common in traditional cultures
Asian societies
Islamic societies
Most western countries have many cohabitating couples
France
Sweden

16. Marriage in Other Cultures
Marital Satisfaction
Marital Sex Over time
Marriage in Later Life
Extramarital Affairs
Marriage in Other Cultures

17. Class Discussion: Marriage Expectations
Would you ever like to get married? If so, at what age would you like to marry?
What area would you like to live in? City? State? Suburban or Rural? What type of house?
Would you ever want any children? If so, why and how many? If not, why not?
If you want children, how long will you wait before you have them?
Will you keep your name if you marry? Would you like your partner to change his or her name? Explain.
Will you maintain a career outside the home during your marriage? Would you like your spouse to?
What would be the division of labor in your household?

18. View Video: “Making Marriage Last”

19. Marriage: Trends
93% in the U.S. say a happy marriage is an important life goal
Women are more likely to marry older men
Want to be taken care of, wealth, power
Men are more likely to marry younger women
Want conception, pregnancy, beauty
Age at first marriage (in 2002); increasing
Men: 27
Women: 25

20. Percentage of never-married men and women over the age of 15 by race and Hispanic origin. Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2001.

21. Marital Satisfaction Factors
In general: self-disclosure, physical & emotional intimacy, personality similarities
For men: frequency of pleasurable activities done together
For women: frequency of pleasurable activities focused on emotional closeness
Quality of spousal friendship influences satisfaciton.
Marriage quality peaks in the first few years, declines to midlife, rises again
Couples usually put more effort into the marriage in the beginning

22. Factors Affecting Commitment
Satisfaction and comittment are different issues: couples may remain married even if they are unhappy with their relationship.
Marriages last longer when both:
have a positive marital attitude,
view their partner as their best friend,
like their partner as a person,
believe marriage is a long-term commitment

23. Impact of Marriage
Married couples tend to be happier, healthier, and live longer
Health benefits mostly for men
Wives monitor husband’s health
Wives have many role responsibilities

24. Having Children or Remaining Childless
Relationship quality is impacted by timing of having children
Children decrease relationship time
Married couples with children tend to have lower marital satisfaction than those without
Satisfaction decreases as the number of children increases
Satisfaction is high before kids, declines until kids are teens, increases when kids leave

25. Marital Sex: Changes Over Time
Passion is high early in marriages, but slowly dissipates
40% married couples have intercourse 2+ times/week; 50% do so a few times/month
Most couples experience a decrease in intercourse over time, mostly due to marital pressures (children, jobs, housework, money)
Positive correlation between frequency & satisfaction with sex life

26. Marriages in Later Life
Older women more likely to be widowed
Those still married are usually happy, men more so than women
Women typically care for a sick husband and lack emotional support
Older men are twice as likely to remarry
Women outnumber men in older age
Older men tend to marry younger women

27. Remarriages in Later Life
Remarriage after widowhood healthier if:
acquainted for awhile before marriage
children and peers approve
good health
financial stability
adequate living conditions
Remarriages after 40 tend to be more stable
May cohabitate rather than remarry

28. Marital status of the population age 65 and over, by age group and sex, in Source: Federal Interagency Forum on Aging-Related Statistics, 2004.

29. Extramarital Affairs: “It Just Happened”
Less than 5% of societies are more strict about forbidding affairs than the U.S.
Almost all couples expect exclusivity
Factors related to cheaters:
Stronger sexual interests
Permissive sexual values
Less satisfaction in their relationship
Opportunities for sex outside of the couple

30. Extramarital Affairs: Attitudes
75% of Americans believed extramarital sex was intolerable
20% of women, 15-35% of men reported extramarital sex

31. Process of Developing an Affair
Become emotionally close to someone
Keep relationship secret
Start to do things together; “dating”
Sexual and emotional affair

32. Extramarital Affairs: Issues & Trends
Married couples are the most deceptive about sex outside of the relationship
Women more likely disturbed by emotional infidelity; tend to engage in emotional affairs; tend to have affairs when older
Men more likely disturbed by sexual infidelity; tend to engage in sexual affairs; typically when younger
90%+ affairs due to emotional needs not met

33. Open Marriages: Sexual Advertising
Comarital sex – consenting of married couples to sexually exchange partners
Swingers/Polyamorists
About 3 million swingers in the U.S.
Many support groups, internet contacts
Swingers tend to be white, middle-class, middle-aged church goers
Often have “safe-sex” circles

34. Marriages in Other Cultures
Some countries do not have dating systems
All societies have marriage customs, though they vary among all societies
Arranged marriages still exist
60% of marriages worldwide are arranged
Japanese business class, Iran, rural China
Courtship may be ritualized
Yaruros of Venezuela, Hottentots of South Africa
Extramarital sex is forbidden in many cultures, but is often tolerated
Typically tolerance is for men, not women

35. Types of Marriages in Other Cultures
Polygamy – having more than one spouse
Polygyny – having more than one wife
Common in Africa and the Middle East; Mormon fundamentalist groups in the U.S.
Wives have lower fertility rates
Men gain prestige & power, women gain protection of a wealthy man
Polyandry – having more than one husband
Less common than polygyny
Usually to keep inheritance together
Consanguineous marriages – woman marries a relative to maintain family property

36. Same-Sex Relationships
Sexuality in Same-Sex Relationships
Same-Sex Marriage
Same-Sex Relationships in Other Cultures

37. View Video: Marriage Ammendment

38. Same-Sex Marriage: Issues & Trends
Same-sex marriage isn’t linked to procreation, which the U.S. attempts to guard
Same-sex marriages may be more unstable due to pressures of social disapproval
Domestic partner acts – benefits are granted if a couple lives together

39. Sexuality in Same-Sex Relationships
Usually the emotionally expressive partner maintains the sex life, for lesbians & gay men
Some lesbians have trouble initiating sex
May be due to female social pressures
Gay men have less troubles initiating sex and are more sexually active than lesbians
May be due to longer love making for lesbians, biology, females’ comfort initiating, men use sex for expressing feelings

40. Same-Sex Marriage: Legal Issues
Defense of Marriage Act (1996) –
each state can recognize or deny any same-sex marriages
spouse is referred to as the other sex
Vermont (2000) passed a civil union statute
Massachusetts (2004) gave full marriage rights to same sex couples
7 states (CA, CT, DC, HI, ME, NJ, VT) grant legal status to same-sex couples

41. Same-Sex Relationships in Other Cultures
Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, & Spain are the only Western countries that have currently legalized same-sex marriage
Australia provides equal rights
Accepted in France
Ireland lacks support

42. Why do People Get Divorced? Divorce & Sex Adjusting to Divorce

43. Divorce: Issues
While it is reported that the divorce rate is 50% in U.S., this is a misrepresentation of the likelihood of divorce!
No-fault divorce – makes divorce easier and more acceptable
Covenant marriages – restrictive rules & regulations for ending a marriage
Couples have many reasons for staying together, even though unhappy:
children, religion, lack initiative

44. Divorce: Trends
Divorce rates are highest in teen women and decline with age
Early marriages have a greater risk of divorce
Typically, divorce occurs early in a marriage; median was 7.1 years in 1988
Interracial marriages have high divorce rates
Typically one partner wants the divorce (75% of the time female’s initiate), the other is shocked

45. Why Do People Get Divorced?
Social Factors
Predisposing Factors
Relationship Factors
Divorce and Sex
Adjusting to Divorce
Divorce in Other Cultures

46. Divorce: Social Factors
Accessibility and low cost
Equitable division of marital assets
More acceptable in U.S. society
Religious groups are less opposed than in the past

47. Predisposing Factors for Divorce
Marry at a young age, emotional immaturity
Marry because of an unplanned pregnancy
Have more than five children
Short interval from marriage and children
Protestant (vs. Catholic or Jewish)
No religious affiliation
Prior divorce; divorced parents

48. Relationship Factors in Divorce
Communication problems
Avoidance,
Demand & withdrawal
Lack constructive communication
Women feel unloved, belittled, & criticized
Men feel neglected and that they have incompatible interests, values & goals
Both sexes reported loss of sexual interest

49. Divorce and Sex
The older a person at divorce, the less sexual behavior afterwards
As religiousness increases, the likelihood of having another sexual partner decreases
Liberal attitudes & no children increase the likelihood of having another sexual partner
Men are more likely to find another partner

50. Adjusting to Divorce
For some, it can be emotionally & physically painful
Women have increased depression, men have poorer physical & mental health
Older people experience more psychological problems
Divorced people have less in common with their married friends

51. Adjusting to Divorce Women’s incomes tend to decline
20% of divorced fathers with children don’t provide assistance
Some women’s careers may improve
Most divorced individuals adjust well, and 75% remarry
Typically 4 years between divorce & remarriage
Men are more likely to remarry than women

52. Divorce in Other Cultures
In most societies, divorce is relatively simple and accepted
Not so in mostly Roman Catholic countries
Easier for men to obtain a divorce in some countries
Egypt, Israel
Many reasons for divorce, though different patterns in different societies

53. Sexuality in Elderly Relationships

54. View Video: “Love, Intimacy, and Sexuality (Growing Old in a New Age)”

55. Sexuality in Elderly Relationships: Issues and Trends
Society links sexuality with youth, though most elderly are sexually interested and active
50% of 60 years+ Americans report sex is as good, or better than, when they were younger
Frequency of intercourse declines with age
Sex once/month, or more – about 50% of those 60+; 40% wanted it more often

56. Elderly Relationships: Sexual Behavior
Most common behaviors over 80: touching, masturbation, sexual intercourse
No differences related to sexual orientation
Preferences may change: less intercourse and more oral sex
Factors related to sexual maintenance: age, physical health, medications, satisfaction in life, partner availability

57. Difficulties
Most common sexual problem for elderly women: lack of tenderness & sexual contact
Discontinuance of intercourse in a marriage is typically due to the male’s refusal or inability; erectile problems due to a variety of reasons