1. Emotional Intelligence: Social Skills and Interpersonal Skills Objectives: Comprehend the importance of “Social Skills”Comprehend the importance of “Social Skills” Understand how “Interpersonal Skills” are a combination of empathy and social skills. Understand how “Interpersonal Skills” are a combination of empathy and social skills.

2. Everybody Up! Let’s hear our I-POSSESS song/ cheer!Let’s hear our I-POSSESS song/ cheer!

3. Social Skills When you possess Social Skills, you have the skills that are used in relating to others.When you possess Social Skills, you have the skills that are used in relating to others.

4. Let me ask you… What would you say are the skills that you have to possess to hold a job?What would you say are the skills that you have to possess to hold a job? What skills seem to be the most important when working with other people, especially adults?What skills seem to be the most important when working with other people, especially adults?

5. What is the difference between a skill and a technique?What is the difference between a skill and a technique? This is a hard question, so think about the meaning of being skilled at something.This is a hard question, so think about the meaning of being skilled at something.

6. Can people begin by being skilled or do they have to go through some training or experience before they can be skilled? Would you want to go to a surgeon who has learned a technique for surgery or would you want to go to a surgeon who has used the technique over and over and over and is now “skilled” in the use of that technique?Would you want to go to a surgeon who has learned a technique for surgery or would you want to go to a surgeon who has used the technique over and over and over and is now “skilled” in the use of that technique?

7. Learn it, then do it! In order to develop a skill, you have to learn how to do something and then you have to do it.In order to develop a skill, you have to learn how to do something and then you have to do it. Learning something is not the same as being able to do it!Learning something is not the same as being able to do it! You can become skilled at something only by doing it over and over. It is a lot like playing a sport or piano or anything that you learn how to do well.You can become skilled at something only by doing it over and over. It is a lot like playing a sport or piano or anything that you learn how to do well.

8. Back to Social Skills… Back to Social Skills… When we are talking about social skills, we are talking about a certain set of information and skills that are necessary for you to succeed in life.When we are talking about social skills, we are talking about a certain set of information and skills that are necessary for you to succeed in life. If I could teach you these skills, what would it be worth to you to learn to do them well?If I could teach you these skills, what would it be worth to you to learn to do them well?

9. The fact is, it would be worth a great deal to you. You’ll want to notice that not everyone has these skills.You’ll want to notice that not everyone has these skills. That is because of one or more of three reasons:That is because of one or more of three reasons: –1 They have not been taught the techniques, or –2 They have not used them enough to be good at them, or –3 They are too lazy to care about them.

10. Now, you decide! Do you want to fall in one of these groups OR … Do you want to learn them and do them until you are really good at them?Do you want to fall in one of these groups OR … Do you want to learn them and do them until you are really good at them?

11. Believe me, social skills are crucial to your success. Let’s talk about them. What are the most important social skills you can think of?What are the most important social skills you can think of? What is important when meeting new people?What is important when meeting new people? Did you know that when you meet new people the most important thing is what you do with your body? Remember that 55% of what we say is communicated by our body language.Did you know that when you meet new people the most important thing is what you do with your body? Remember that 55% of what we say is communicated by our body language. Think about the eight cues we talked about.Think about the eight cues we talked about.

12. The Eight Cues Let’s name them:Let’s name them: To show self-confidence -To show self-confidence - –Eye contact –Posture –Handshake –Dress and grooming –Facial expressions –Tone of voice and Word selection –Level of relaxation/ stress –Energy level Do you see how all of these things relate to how you use your body? These things show people whether or not we are relating to them.

13. Discussion Do you relate to adults well?Do you relate to adults well? –If not, why do you think that is? Do you think that you are able to determine how an adult relates to you?Do you think that you are able to determine how an adult relates to you? What could you do to get adults to take you more seriously?What could you do to get adults to take you more seriously?

14. Where do we use these skills? We need to look at the places that you can practice these social and business skills.We need to look at the places that you can practice these social and business skills. Don’t forget that these skills include things like…Don’t forget that these skills include things like… –talking to secretaries in offices –using the phone –setting up appointments –being friendly to the clerks in stores –learning how to eat out –order food –use the silverware –when to be seated and where to sit –when to stand when someone comes to your office or table at lunch –…and lots of other things.

15. Where can YOU practice these skills? The teacher asks you to ask the teacher’s aid for ten copies of a handout. How do you address the teacher’s aide?The teacher asks you to ask the teacher’s aid for ten copies of a handout. How do you address the teacher’s aide? You have to buy a lunch ticket. How do you address the cashier?You have to buy a lunch ticket. How do you address the cashier? There is a spill in the classroom and the teacher asks you to go ask the custodian for her help. How do you address the custodian?There is a spill in the classroom and the teacher asks you to go ask the custodian for her help. How do you address the custodian? You are asked to deliver a message to the principal’s office and bring back a response. How do you address the secretary and/or principal?You are asked to deliver a message to the principal’s office and bring back a response. How do you address the secretary and/or principal?

16. You can practice these skills NOW and you will be amazed at the response that you get from adults.You can practice these skills NOW and you will be amazed at the response that you get from adults. They think of you as “just a kid”, until you show them you can act in a professional way.They think of you as “just a kid”, until you show them you can act in a professional way. Listen to a story from Flip Flippen about determining how adults relate to youth.Listen to a story from Flip Flippen about determining how adults relate to youth.

17. YOU determine… …where you go in life and what you do!…where you go in life and what you do! Your skills and especially your social/ professional skills are what will take you there.Your skills and especially your social/ professional skills are what will take you there. It is not your race, your color, your I.Q., your background, your heritage or your parents who will take you there.It is not your race, your color, your I.Q., your background, your heritage or your parents who will take you there. And, even if those things did get you ahead, they won’t keep you there.And, even if those things did get you ahead, they won’t keep you there.

18. Conclusion Everyone is going somewhere.Everyone is going somewhere. It’s up to you to decide where you’re going.It’s up to you to decide where you’re going. Remember this, your skills are what determine where you go and what you do in the world.Remember this, your skills are what determine where you go and what you do in the world.

19. Interpersonal Skills Back to the Emotional Intelligence acronym and the very first scale, the “I” – Interpersonal Skills.Back to the Emotional Intelligence acronym and the very first scale, the “I” – Interpersonal Skills. –Remember that the interpersonal skills scale is a joint scale combining empathy and social skills. What does empathy mean?What does empathy mean? The ability to feel and relate to what another person is feeling.The ability to feel and relate to what another person is feeling.

20. Let’s say that…Let’s say that… You would want your friend to care about what happened and how you’re feeling about it.You would want your friend to care about what happened and how you’re feeling about it. And, as we just discussed, social skills are those skills that help us when we meet new people and want to develop relationships with them.And, as we just discussed, social skills are those skills that help us when we meet new people and want to develop relationships with them. The kinds of skills we are talking about are: good handshake, posture, dress and grooming, manners, courtesies, language, humor and many others.The kinds of skills we are talking about are: good handshake, posture, dress and grooming, manners, courtesies, language, humor and many others. People who have these skills are usually comfortable in lots of different situations.People who have these skills are usually comfortable in lots of different situations.

21. So what happens when we put these social skills together with empathy? Well, let’s see what happens if we don’t put them together, and we have one without the other.So what happens when we put these social skills together with empathy? Well, let’s see what happens if we don’t put them together, and we have one without the other. What would a person be like who had great social skills, but had no empathy for others?What would a person be like who had great social skills, but had no empathy for others? What do Interpersonal Skills look like when balanced?

22. For these people, getting along with others is just a game. It’s really using others to get what they want, but without really caring about the relationships.For these people, getting along with others is just a game. It’s really using others to get what they want, but without really caring about the relationships. We would say that those kind of people are not genuine; they are phony.We would say that those kind of people are not genuine; they are phony. Now, what about a person who had empathy for others, but no social skills?Now, what about a person who had empathy for others, but no social skills?

23. These people could be sincere and really care about you, but would have no way to express it.These people could be sincere and really care about you, but would have no way to express it. These people might be so awkward socially they would probably never meet you, and you would never be able to have a relationship with them.These people might be so awkward socially they would probably never meet you, and you would never be able to have a relationship with them. Or they might show it inappropriately, such as being too pushy, and you might not want to have a relationship with them.Or they might show it inappropriately, such as being too pushy, and you might not want to have a relationship with them. On the other hand, a person with a good balance of empathy and social skills – good interpersonal skills – would sincerely care about you and have the skills to appropriately convey that to you.On the other hand, a person with a good balance of empathy and social skills – good interpersonal skills – would sincerely care about you and have the skills to appropriately convey that to you.

24. Conclusion Stories…Stories… Leaders who are healthy and honest are people who have good empathy and good social skills in balance—that’s, good.Leaders who are healthy and honest are people who have good empathy and good social skills in balance—that’s, good.