1. Teen Dating Violence

2. Statistics Gathered from the National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative, Breaking the Silence, ATG, Safe Dates, Love is Respect, & Teen Dating Violence 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. 1, 5 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. 1, 5 Girls are more likely to threaten to hurt themselves, yell, pinch, slap, scratch, or kick… 1 Girls are more likely to threaten to hurt themselves, yell, pinch, slap, scratch, or kick… 1 Boys injure girls more severely and frequently 1 Boys injure girls more severely and frequently 1 Teen dating violence runs across race, gender, and socioeconomic lines. 1 Teen dating violence runs across race, gender, and socioeconomic lines. 1

3. Statistics continued… Females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group – at a rate almost triple the national average. 1 Females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group – at a rate almost triple the national average. 1 69% of all teens who had sex by age 14 said they have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship. 3 69% of all teens who had sex by age 14 said they have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship. 3 81% of parents surveyed either believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue. 1 81% of parents surveyed either believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue. 1

4. Statistics continued… 57% of teens know someone who has been physically, sexually, or verbally abusive in a dating relationship. 1 57% of teens know someone who has been physically, sexually, or verbally abusive in a dating relationship. 1 Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse. 1 Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse. 1 50% of youth reporting both dating violence and rape also reported attempting suicide, compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non- abused boys. 1 50% of youth reporting both dating violence and rape also reported attempting suicide, compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non- abused boys. 1

5. Statistics continued… Violent relationships in adolescence can have serous ramifications for victims. Many will continue to be abused in their adult relationships and are at a higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior, and suicide. 1 Violent relationships in adolescence can have serous ramifications for victims. Many will continue to be abused in their adult relationships and are at a higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior, and suicide. 1 Violence in relationships almost always reoccurs and gets more severe over time. 7 Violence in relationships almost always reoccurs and gets more severe over time. 7 The severity of violence among intimate partners has been shown to increase if the pattern has been established in adolescence. 1 The severity of violence among intimate partners has been shown to increase if the pattern has been established in adolescence. 1

6. Statistics continued… Between 1993 and 1999, 22% of all homicides against females ages 16-19 were committed by an intimate partner. 1 Between 1993 and 1999, 22% of all homicides against females ages 16-19 were committed by an intimate partner. 1 70% of pregnant teenagers are abused by their partners. 2 70% of pregnant teenagers are abused by their partners. 2 Both girls and boys are victims and perpetrators of abuse. 7 Both girls and boys are victims and perpetrators of abuse. 7 58% of rape victims report being raped between the ages of 12-24. 1 58% of rape victims report being raped between the ages of 12-24. 1

7. Types of Dating Violence Physical Physical Sexual Sexual Emotional Emotional Verbal Verbal Psychological Psychological

8. Physical Violence Pushing/ shoving Pushing/ shoving Restraining Restraining Choking Choking Kicking Kicking Hitting Hitting Slapping Slapping Punching Punching Spitting Spitting Scratching Scratching

9. Verbal Abuse Name calling Name calling Anger outbursts Anger outbursts Cursing Cursing Blaming Blaming Belittling Belittling Critical (weight, hair, etc…) Critical (weight, hair, etc…)

10. Emotional and Psychological Abuse Controlling (where you go, who you’re with) Controlling (where you go, who you’re with) Obsessive Obsessive Partner feels responsible for problems in relationship, guilt, or shame Partner feels responsible for problems in relationship, guilt, or shame Extreme jealousy (even of family) Extreme jealousy (even of family) Belittling (makes fun of talents, etc…) Belittling (makes fun of talents, etc…) Threaten harm either against partner or self Threaten harm either against partner or self Coerced sexual contact (fear that if they do not “give in” the partner will leave them Coerced sexual contact (fear that if they do not “give in” the partner will leave them Disrespectful Disrespectful

11. Emotional/ Psychological Abuse continued…. Harassment (Excessive and repeated texting or calling) Harassment (Excessive and repeated texting or calling) Demanding Demanding Monitoring cell phone usage (text messages and numbers) and MySpace/Facebook accounts Monitoring cell phone usage (text messages and numbers) and MySpace/Facebook accounts Intimidation Intimidation Isolation (from family, peers, previous hobbies and interests) Isolation (from family, peers, previous hobbies and interests) Fosters dependence (I can’t live w/o you…no one else will love you the way I do) Fosters dependence (I can’t live w/o you…no one else will love you the way I do)

12. Sexual Abuse Forced sexual contact (either with physical restraint, physical contact, or threat of harm) Forced sexual contact (either with physical restraint, physical contact, or threat of harm)

13. Cycle of Abuse The Women’s Center 4 Excuses: after an abusive episode, the abuser and victim both “explain away” the problem. Excuses: after an abusive episode, the abuser and victim both “explain away” the problem. Honeymoon Period: things seem to be going very well. When things are “great” they are really “great” – gifts, apologies, positive feelings, etc. Honeymoon Period: things seem to be going very well. When things are “great” they are really “great” – gifts, apologies, positive feelings, etc. Routine: a return to routine life around the home and at work. Routine: a return to routine life around the home and at work.

14. Cycle of Abuse…Continued… Tension: tension begins to build and the abuser begins to show signs of irritability, anger, impatience, frustration, etc. The victim recognizes these signs and begins to feel a familiar need to “walk on eggshells” Trigger: something sets off the abuser, often not easily identified or based in reality. Tension: tension begins to build and the abuser begins to show signs of irritability, anger, impatience, frustration, etc. The victim recognizes these signs and begins to feel a familiar need to “walk on eggshells” Trigger: something sets off the abuser, often not easily identified or based in reality. The victim’s self-esteem and confidence drops, and the pattern repeats itself. The victim’s self-esteem and confidence drops, and the pattern repeats itself.

15. Why do teens stay in abusive relationships? Resource from: Choose Respect 8 Love Love Confusion Confusion Belief you can CHANGE the partner Belief you can CHANGE the partner Promises Promises Denial Denial Shame or guilt Shame or guilt Fear of retaliation Fear of retaliation

16. Continued… False hopes False hopes Peer or family pressure Peer or family pressure Fear of being “outed” Fear of being “outed” Lack of resources. Lack of resources. Fear of being alone Fear of being alone Loss of independence Loss of independence Low self-esteem Low self-esteem

17. Consequences of Teen Dating Violence Isolation from friends and family Isolation from friends and family Alienation from former groups Alienation from former groups Disinterest in school/ dropping out Disinterest in school/ dropping out Suicide attempts or ideation 6 Suicide attempts or ideation 6 Feelings of hopelessness Feelings of hopelessness Drug or alcohol abuse 6 Drug or alcohol abuse 6 Risky sexual behavior 6 (pregnancy or STD’s) Risky sexual behavior 6 (pregnancy or STD’s) Physical injury Physical injury Decreased self-esteem Decreased self-esteem At-risk for future violent relationships At-risk for future violent relationships

18. Warning Signs Decrease in grades or interest in school Decrease in grades or interest in school Gradual loss of core friends Gradual loss of core friends Isolates self from the family Isolates self from the family Gives excuses for partner’s behavior Gives excuses for partner’s behavior Avoids normal social functions or hobbies Avoids normal social functions or hobbies Partner always present Partner always present Constant “checking in” with the partner Constant “checking in” with the partner Change in appearance (less makeup, dressing down, etc…) Change in appearance (less makeup, dressing down, etc…) Suspicious injuries (bruises, scratches, etc…) Suspicious injuries (bruises, scratches, etc…) Always needing to attend to partner’s phone calls or text messages Always needing to attend to partner’s phone calls or text messages Nervous when around partner Nervous when around partner Always trying to make the partner happy Always trying to make the partner happy

19. What is a parent to do? If possible, personally model healthy relationships If possible, personally model healthy relationships Expose your child to other healthy relationships Expose your child to other healthy relationships Set “reasonable limits regarding cell phone usage, face to face time with partner, etc…) Set “reasonable limits regarding cell phone usage, face to face time with partner, etc…) Try to ask questions about their relationships with genuine concern…not nosiness Try to ask questions about their relationships with genuine concern…not nosiness Stay calm Stay calm If necessary, help teen discuss a safety plan on how to end the relationship If necessary, help teen discuss a safety plan on how to end the relationship

20. Continued… Discuss the future with your teen Discuss the future with your teen Discuss their expectations of a partner Discuss their expectations of a partner Keep communication with you and your teen as open as possible Keep communication with you and your teen as open as possible Ask other adult mentors to get involved with your teen Ask other adult mentors to get involved with your teen Support and encourage teens involvement with other healthy interests Support and encourage teens involvement with other healthy interests Refer to counseling when necessary Refer to counseling when necessary May need to contact the partner’s parent May need to contact the partner’s parent Their may be a need to involve the authorities or school personnel. Their may be a need to involve the authorities or school personnel.

21. BOTTOM LINE… Dating…should be FUN!

22. Sources & Resources 1. National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative www.clotheslineproject.org/teendatingviolencefacts.pdf www.clotheslineproject.org/teendatingviolencefacts.pdf 2. Talk About Dating Violence www.atg.wa.gov/ProtectingYouth/TeenDatingViolence/BreakingTheSilence.asp x www.atg.wa.gov/ProtectingYouth/TeenDatingViolence/BreakingTheSilence.asp x 3.Teen Dating Violence www.atg.wa.gov/protectingyouth/teendatingviolence.aspx 4. Let’s Talk www.thewomenscenter.org 5. Love is Respect www.loveisrespect.org 6. The Impact of Dating Violence/ Choose Respect www.cdc.gov 7. Safe Dates www.hazelden.org