1. Arianna Poston 1 st hour 5/15/14

2.  Gary Chapman came to the conclusion that people speak five different emotional love languages, plus various dialects.  In order to communicate love, one must learn which language of love to speak.  Each person speaks a different language of love. Like a foreign language, they are not understood.  Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse.

3. Words of Affirmation  You feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.  “The tongue has the power of life and death.”  “An anxious heart weighs a man own, but a kin word cheers him up.”  Love makes requests, not demands.

4. Quality Time  Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there meaning, with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby, makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions or the failure to listen can be hurtful. Whether it's spending uninterrupted time talking or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with through sharing time.  Listen to what they are saying and respond kindly to it  Be willing to share your feelings, wishes, and dreams.  “Togetherness has to do with focused attention.”  “Many of us are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be complete or a problem to solve.”  “Establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about three things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them.”

5. Gifts  The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. The gift or gesture shows that you are known and cared for. A missed birthday or a thoughtless gift would be disastrous, so would the absence of everyday gestures.  Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.  “Physical presence in the time of crisis is he most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving is.”

6. Acts of Service  Actions speak louder than words  Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities for your loved one. If your partner offers to do the dishes or fold the clothes and it gets your heart going then this is your love language.  It takes time to decide what specific actions would mean the most to your spouse. What is important to one is not important to another.  “Serve one another in love.”  “Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.”  “What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.”

7. Physical Touch/Affection  Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm, they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence is often crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate touches communicate warmth, safety, and love.  “Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.”  “If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries.”

8.  Our primary love language tends to stay with us for a lifetime. However, there are certain situations in life that make the other love languages extremely attractive.  The concept works with children.  More men have Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation as their love language and more women have Quality Time and Gifts.

9.  “If you claim to have feelings that you do not have, that is hypocritical..But if you express an act of love that is designed for the other persons being or pleasure, it is simply a choice.”  “Why is it that as the child gets older, our “Words to Affirmation” turn to words of condemnation?”

10.  “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.”  “I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.”  “We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.”

11.  “The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.”  “People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”  “Love is the most important word in the English language--and the most confusing.”

12.  “Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different.”  “Besides love we need security, self-worth, and significance.”  “When the emotional tank is low..we have no love feelings toward our spouse but simply experience emptiness and pain.”