1. Making Advances And You Thought Treating Female Partners Was Challenging! Treating Male Partners of FSLAs SASH Conference 2012 San Antonio, Texas, September 20, 2012 Marnie C. Ferree & Linda Hudson Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts

2. MALE PARTNERS - INVISIBLE ONES Unique shame Cultural stereotypes Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

3. ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

4. ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

5. MODELS FOR TREATING PARTNERS Strong disagreement about best approach Strong agreement about commonalities Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

6. CHARACTERISTICS OF MALE PARTNERS Angry Also addicted Avoidant Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

7. SYSTEMS THEORY Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

8. SYSTEMS THEORY Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Roles Rules Attachment issues Sex and love addiction is an intimacy disorder.

9. CO-ADDICTION MODEL Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances NOT responsible for addict’s behavior. IS responsible for own personal and relationship issues.

10. CO-ADDICTS HAVE OWN ISSUES OF… Trauma Unhealthy Coping Impaired Intimacy Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

11. HISTORY OF ABUSE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances AddictSpouse Sexual81% Physical72%71% Emotional97%91% Carnes, P. (1991). Don’t call it love: Recovering from sexual addiction. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publishers.

12. CO-ADDICT’S COPING STRATEGIES Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Search and seizure Control Complain Threaten Ignore Rage Focus on kids/ work Manipulate Withdraw/shut down Become more sexual Engage in own addiction Tolerate impaired intimacy Self-righteousness

13. CO-ADDICTION IS… Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Focusing on someone else’s life Believing you can control people and events outside yourself An obsession with the possibility

14. TRAUMA MODEL Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances “Partner sensitive” emphasis that focuses on “sexual addition-induced trauma.” Partner receives equal clinical attention Steffens & Means (2009). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse - How Partners Can Cope and Heal

15. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study)

16. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

17. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study) Causes constant triggering, reactivity, hypervigilance, panic, anxiety, somatic symptoms Normal, predictable responses of people who have been deeply betrayed

18. PARTNER’S WORK: ATTENDING TO MULTIPLE TRAUMAS Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Relational betrayal, deception, emotional abuse, marginalization, manipulation “Gaslighting” by sex addict “Treatment-induced” trauma

19. EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues

20. EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues

21. DISCLOSURE Disclosing Secrets Surviving Disclosure by Deborah Corley & Jennifer Schneider Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

22. PARTNER’S SYSTEM Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Belief System Impaired Thinking Unmanageability Distraction Strategies Crisis Despair Partner’s Cycle Preoccupation Fantasy

23. HEALING Boundaries Unique Issues/Challenges Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

24. Making Advances A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts All proceeds benefit the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health www.sash.net/makingadvances Edited by Marnie C. Ferree Writers: Susan J. Campling Robin Cato M. Deborah Corley Marnie C. Ferree Linda Hudson Alexandra Katehakis Kelly McDaniel Anna Valenti-Anderson Jill Vermeire Sonnee Weedn