2. Leave cleave Serv e

3. God’ s...enables COuPLES to experience deep joy. … multiplies a Godly legacy. design …makes us more like Christ. … reflects Jesus’ love for mankind. for marriage…

4. What are some of the major threats to a oneness marriage?

5. onene ss: Main Threats to 1.An unawareness of God’s design for marriage 2. Unfulfilled expectations 3. An unintentional marriage. 4. Extramarital affairs. 5. Poor communication 6. An unhealthy handling of conflict 7. Inevitable difficulties

6. 5. Poor Communication A main threat to Oneness: Communication is the process of sharing Yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.

7. 1. There is a lot of room for error. difficult Why Communication is so First, you have something you want to get across to the other person—what you mean. Perhaps you’ve thought about it, or you just formulate it as you open your mouth. But it may not come out the way you intended. So the second message is what you actually say. Now, let’s turn to your spouse. The third message is what your spouse actually hears while filtering and processing the information, which leads to the fourth message—what your spouse thinks he or she hears!

8. 1. There is a lot of room for error. difficult Why Communication is so Uh-oh, now the possibility of misunderstanding increases. If the communication stopped here, it wouldn’t be so complicated. But the fifth message is what your spouse says about what you said. Now it’s back in your lap, because the sixth message is what you think your spouse said about what you said.

9. 2. People communicate in different ways. difficult Why Communication is so “ Land the Plane “ Communicators: Want to Find the shortest path to the goal.

10. 2. People communicate in different ways. difficult Why Communication is so “ Enjoy the ride “ Communicators: Think you might as well relax and enjoy the ride The trip is what it is all about

11. 2. People communicate in different ways. difficult Why Communication is so Think out loud communicators ask questions and make comments as soon as the thought occurs – even if the other person happens to be talking at the time.

12. 2. People communicate in different ways. difficult Why Communication is so Let’s take turns communicators Use principles of justice and fair play to govern communication.

13. 3. We are not intentional about having difficult Why Communication is so intimate conversations with our spouse. If we are going to experience oneness in the marriage relationship, we have to be intentional about carving out regular time in our schedule that allows us to communicate with our spouse on levels four and five.

14. 4. Our communication skills stink. difficult Why Communication is so We are poor listeners and we often do a lackluster job in expressing ourselves.

15. How can we become better communicators so that we can experience a greater degree of oneness in our marriage relationship? By listening and expressing ourselves well.

16. Listening well Psalm 116:1-6 (MSG) I love God because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy. He listened so intently as I laid out my case before him. Death stared me in the face, hell was hard on my heels. Up against it, I didn’t know which way to turn; then I called out to God for help:

17. Listening well Psalm 116:1-6 (MSG) “Please, God!” I cried out. “Save my life!” God is gracious—it is he who makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.

18. Listening well Proverbs 18:13 (MSG) Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.

19. Listening well Proverbs 21:11 (MSG) Simpletons only learn the hard way, but the wise learn by listening.

20. Listening well James 1:19 (NLT) Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry

21. Listening well Some people believe that successful communication consists of 7% content, 38% tone of voice, And 55% nonverbal communication. 1. Give focused attention.

22. Listening well 2. Listen with acceptance and understanding A hearer merely hears A listener learns

23. Listening well 3. Ask clarifying questions & make summarizing statements. Are you telling me that ___________? Can you tell me more about what you meant when you said_______? Correct me if I am wrong, but here is what I hear you saying ? ?

24. Listening well 4. Focus on what is being said, not the way it is being said. If we decide to focus on the message behind the message, we have a chance to move towards oneness, but if we decide to trade blow for blow, the end results will be more and more isolation in our marriage relationship.

25. Listening well 5. Allow freedom for differences in communication styles. are not wrong just different. Communication styles

26. Expressing Yourself well 5. Allow freedom for differences in communication styles Proverbs 29:20 (NKJV) Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

27. Expressing Yourself well 1. Think before you Speak. Determine exactly what you want to say and when the best time is say it. Is what you want to say true, kind and necessary?

28. Expressing Yourself well 1. Think before you Speak. Proverbs 10:19 (NKJV) In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

29. Expressing Yourself well 2. Ask to make sure you are being understood. Good expressers ask the listener to make summarizing statements to ensure they are being properly understood.

30. Expressing Yourself well 3. Allow for freedom in differences in communication style Marriage, we honor our spouse by adjusting to their communication style. When we express our self in