1. WHEN THINGS DON’T GO AS PLANNED

2. Types of Loss Medical emergency, interventions
Emotional trauma to mother/parents
Unknown illness in baby, NICU care
Infant death (stillborn, neonatal death)
Maternal death

3. The Doula’s Role

4. An Exquisite Witness Offer yourself Be respectful
Become comfortable with silence
Be a skilled listener
Normalize practically everything
Avoid judgment
Help them become “active” grievers
Be sensitive to cultural, ethnic, and family traditions
Be aware of your “stuff”
Respond to signs of compassion fatigue

5. Immediate Needs Long Term Needs
Communication with others
Physical comfort
Information for decision-making
Creating memories of baby
Saving mementos
Photos
Religious practices
At-home support
Coordinating help
Frequent check-ins
Lots of listening
Mental Health resources
Support groups

6. The Gift of Time

7. Help the Family Grieve ENCOURAGE THEM TO: see and touch their baby
make and save mementos from their baby’s birth
announce the birth of their baby
share their story – write it, speak it
create a grieving ‘ritual’
Create a safe space for them to share their feelings

8. What to Expect Postpartum
Physical – after pains, lochia, engorgement, normal recovery from pregnancy and birth
Emotional – postpartum hormones, various stages of grief, higher risk for depression
Relationship issues – guilt, blame, caring for other children, can’t care for each other

9. What Not to Do Don’t make false promises
Don’t tell them what they are going to feel
Don’t tell them their baby is in a better place
Don’t tell them it is God’s will
Don’t tell them it will get better
Don’t tell them they can have another baby
Don’t pretend it didn’t happen
Don’t expect everyone’s grief to look the same

10. Self Care for the Doula

11. Resources Char Barrett Gigi Wickwire Penny Simkin asacredmoment .com
.com
Penny Simkin
pennysimkin.com

12. Appendix

13. The Doula’s Role Meet them where they are at Assess their needs
Assist them in getting information
Provide emotional and physical support
Is it OK for the doula to cry?

14. Self-Care for the Doula
Debrief with a doula sister or mentor
Contact grief support groups
You may need to use a backup doula for an imminent birth
Rest, body work, journaling, counseling

15. Acknowledge their Loss
Perhaps:
The loss of the physical baby
The loss of hopes and dreams
The loss of a joyful experience
Do not ignore or diminish their experience of loss
Do not forget that they are now/still parents