1. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Promoting a Healthy Attachment with Your Adopted Child Melissa Nichols, M.A., L.M.F.T. Family Attachment and Counseling Center of Minnesota

2. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Model and Meaning Attachment Relationships Meaning

3. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Model and Meaning Life Events Trauma Attachment Relationships Meaning

4. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Model and Meaning Development Life Events Trauma Attachment Relationships Meaning

5. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Two Important Factors for Attachment Repair Attunement Regulation

6. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Attunement and Regulation Attunement The ability of a parent to accurately read the emotional state and motivations of his or her child and appropriately meet the child's needs. Regulation A person’s ability to calm--to regulate body, emotions, and states of mind. Parents help children to regulate.

7. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Healthy Effects Regulate emotional state Helps form healthy concept of self and others Supports language development Assists a child in learning about a relationship-cooperative partnership Supports development of a coherent narrative

8. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Unhealthy Effects Dysregulated emotional state Negative concept of others and self Impaired language development Insecure relationship with caregiver Incoherent narrative

9. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Factors which can affect attunement Parents' model of attachment Mental state of a parent Amount of time spent with a child How supported a parent feels The child’s perspective

10. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Early Life Experience Development--cognitive, emotional, physical Temperament Learning Style Meaning of Child’s Behavior

11. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Question: What’s underneath the behavior? ACT: –Acknowledge the child’s feelings –Calm him or her –Try a solution or give a coping strategy How to Attune

12. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Tools to Attune and Regulate Family Attachment Narrative Therapy Attachment Play and Reflective Play Parenting Techniques to Connect and Regulate Social Skills Training Therapy Options

13. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Why Stories Work Stories are culturally universal Early stories create first mental model Channel different perspective of life events Model and facilitate integration of thought and feeling Change the story, change self understanding

14. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Constructing Stories Setting Props Perspective Hero Message

15. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Narrative Types Claiming Developmental Trauma Successful Child

16. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Claiming Narratives Strengthens emotional bond Facilitates trust Establishes birth order Extended family Passes on traditions, history, rituals

17. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Narrative Theme From the first, you were a child that deserved to be loved and cared for by parents you could trust.

18. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Developmental Narratives Facilitates cognitive development Enhances emotional regulation Builds relationships Remedial skill building

19. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Trauma Narratives Heals pain of trauma Creates empathy Fosters understanding

20. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Narrative Themes Even though you experienced abuse, abandonment, neglect, you deserved to be loved and cared for by responsible parents.

21. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Successful Child Narratives Teaches values Reinforces cause and effect thinking Presents alternative behaviors Explains basics of “How to Do” life

22. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Narrative Themes Your problem behavior does not define your value and we will be there to love and support you as you make changes.

23. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com The Importance of Play It is the vehicle in which a child communicates his feelings, thoughts and beliefs Assists the child in mentalizing (the ability to regulate, think, and envision) which is the primary function in the development of self or personality Serves the function of regulation and mastery

24. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Play with Your Child Strengthen attachment Give a glimpse into your child’s inner life

25. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Attachment Play Connection (Being present with your child) Structure and boundary setting (Being explicit for mastery) Challenge (a developmentally appropriate task in which your child is challenged & can master) Nurture (Making the child feel accepted, valued and worthwhile in the interaction)

26. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Reflective Play –Empathetic Listening (use of reflection in interaction –Boundary Setting (creating a safe environment via rules & perimeters of play) –Structure (creating developmentally appropriate structure that promotes mastery) –Child-centered (play is led by child)

27. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Modeling Play Play that teaches appropriate interaction Parent led (child may choose theme) Boundary Setting & Structure (same as reflective play) Noticing: Use of observations with positive affect to enforce positive interaction Narration: Description of activity--connection of thoughts, feelings, and behavior

28. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Mind Body Connection: Sensory Integration Sensory Integration involves the ability to accurately process and organize incoming sensory data in order to make an appropriate response.

29. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Sensory Integration Dysfunction When the process of sensory integration is disordered, a number of problems in learning, development and behavior become evident. The following list describes some ways disordered sensory data can affect a child: Visual tracking problems (reading problems & poor handwriting) Spatial boundaries (poor space bubbles) Sensory overload (temper tantrums/zone out) Sensory Seeking (inappropriately touching, chewing, etc.)

30. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Sensory Integration Dysfunction (cont.) Poor motor planning (clumsy) Difficulties in Regulation Sensitivity to light, sound, smell, taste, and/or certain types of touch (hair brushing, teeth brushing, clothing difficulties, food textures, etc.) Insensitivity to certain types of touch (high pain tolerance) Difficulty with voice tone, poor articulation

31. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com How Parents Can Help Calm a Child Oral Input - To Calm: sucking motion--hard candies, straw, water bottle, pacifier, or blowing motion--bubbles, straw into goop, deep breathing, etc. -To Organize: chewy motion--gum, raisins, rubber necklace -To Be Alert: crunchy motion or sour/spicy foods--sourballs, warheads Movement (Heavy Work) –Running –Carry heavy items (bags filled with books) –Pushing and pulling activities (chairs, desks) –Clean boards, wipe down desks, etc. –Doing push-ups, handstands up against a wall –Shoveling snow, mopping, scrubbing the floor, washing windows, etc.

32. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com How Parents Can Help Calm a Child Movement (Calming) –Moving back and forward motion can be calming-e.g., handing out papers, pacing, swinging, etc. –Rolling, jumping (on a trampoline), twirling, spinning, etc. Touch –massage –weighted blankets & vests –If the child is asked to attentively listen to instructions, stories, etc., provide him with "fidget" items to help his system organize better for improved attention--i.e., small koosh ball, coins, balloons filled with flour, stress balls, etc. –Play dough, goop –Doodling during auditory directions

33. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com How Parents Can Help Calm a Child Environmental Suggestions –Forewarn changes in a schedule –Keep a white board of the day's schedule –Reduce sensory stimulation Remove posters, calendars, & other visual distractions Clear workspace of all materials except those needed Help keep the desk organized and free from clutter Change lighting (dim, natural light or blue lights) Increase structure in times that are difficult Decrease noise levels Adapted from "How Does Your Engine Run?" Program & Kim Keenan, M.S., OTR

34. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Other Considerations Nutrition Fish oil (Omega 3), Diet Exercise (30 min. 3x each week) Increase DNA cell repair Increased brain blood flow and more efficient oxygen and glucose metabolism Brain is protected against molecules that overexcite it Improved insulin ability to regulate glucose (especially in the hippocampus) ( * Daniel Amen’s work: www.amen.org) Therapy EMDR, CBT, Social Skills Training, Biofeedback, Medication

35. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Working with Kids who have Attachment Issues Boundaries for well-meaning adults who are not parents or family Transitions, New things, & Anxiety Discipline: What Works?

36. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Choosing a Technique or Tool Does it create a more connected relationship between you and your child? Does it assist in regulating your child’s emotions? Does it give your child a sense of accomplishment/mastery?

37. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Tailoring a Technique Gauge your expectations according to your child’s emotional age and abilities, not his chronological age. Be consistent! Follow through with what you say. Give it time. Do not toss out a technique or tool before it has a chance to work. Remember development--what does not work now, may work later.

38. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Keys to Success Ask yourself “What’s under the bad behavior of my child?” Calm your child before doing anything else. Be explicit about your good intentions! Structure to reduce anxiety

39. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Parental Keys for Success BE KIND TO YOURSELF! Join a support group Journal progress your child makes Allow yourself time away Be thankful for the good things in your life; review them morning and night Exercise and eat healthy food Laugh!

40. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Specific Discipline Methods Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Glassar & Easley Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline and Faye 123 Magic

41. © Family Attachment Counseling Center of Minnesota 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com Family Attachment Center 18322C Minnetonka Blvd Deephaven, MN 55391 952-475-2818 www.familyattachment.com