1. Writing Successful College and Scholarship Essays presented for LMSA by Carol S. Klein, The Writing Center, Inc. adapted from http://students.berkeley.edu/apa/personalstatement ©All rights reserved.http://students.berkeley.edu/apa/personalstatement

2. The selection committee is looking for two different things: 1.Evidence of achievement not reflected in other parts of the application. 2.HOW and WHY the events the student describes have shaped his/her attitude, focus, and most of all, intellectual vitality. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 2 10 August 2015

3. SELL—the essay must be thoughtful and honest: Written to express, not to impress—reveal not just the what, but also the why and how of your achievements, obstacles, goals, values. – Don’t brag. – Don’t suggest your goal for attending the college is money or status. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 3 10 August 2015

4. SELL—the essay must be thoughtful and honest: Which of the following is the better opening for a College Essay: 1.There are three reasons ABC College should accept me: My classmates voted me “Most Likely to Succeed,” I was the valedictorian of my class, and I lettered in three sports. 2. Coaching at ABC Baseball Camp this summer, I helped hone 20 ten-year-old boys’ batting and pitching skills. The boys taught me a lot about sportsmanship, courage, and the importance of having a good sense of humor. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 4 10 August 2015

5. SELL—the essay must deliver not breadth but depth: Don’t write an essay that devotes each paragraph to a different topic. Deliver steak, not just sizzle— (Your statements must be supported by facts.) – If essay describes you as a “top student,” your grades should prove this. – If “interested in the environment,” your list of activities, hobbies, classes should prove this. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 5 10 August 2015

6. SELL—the essay must follow the college’s instructions: An essay is an essay—not a poem, short story, or drawing. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 6 10 August 2015

7. SELL—the essay must “answer the mail”: Answer the question(s) as posed—for example, were you asked to Describe? Summarize? Or to Evaluate? Discuss? Start with a strong, catchy title and introduction that stand out and interest the reader—your hook. Follow the conventions of good writing. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 7 10 August 2015

8. SELL—Which of the following are recommended for successful essays? 1. Complaining /whining to reveal that you are a real person 2. Conforming to the essay guidelines/requirements 3. Revealing your character and values through your examples 4. Talking matter-of-factly about your time in jail or your drug use to show that you have overcome adversity and are ready to move on © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 8 10 August 2015

9. SELL—the essay must reveal you as: Resilient—not complaining but explaining how you overcame an obstacle. – Positive—a problem-solver. Confident—interested and committed; able to persevere in the face of adversity. Professional—no errors; evident that essay has been edited and proofread. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 9 10 August 2015

10. How FRAME the essay? Follow this process: Plan—Brainstorm and Gather Information Organize—Use Time- tested Template: Introduction, Body, Conclusion Write—Draft and Revise Edit—Edit and Proofread for Common Essay Errors; Elicit Feedback 10 August 2015© 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 10

11. FRAME—Organize the essay: For two pages, use the following three main sections: An introductory paragraph that provides the essay’s controlling theme. Two to four body paragraphs that develop that theme through examples and detailed experiences that build upon each other. A conclusion that widens the lens and wraps up the essay without summarizing or repeating what has already been written. © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 11 10 August 2015

12. FRAME—Plan the essay: Gather Information. Follow three steps. STEP ONE. Address ONE of the following topics: An achievement that made me feel terrific Something I have struggled to overcome or change about myself or my life A “real drag” of an experience that I had to get past Someone’s act of strength or courage that affected me A lesson, class project, activity, or job that impacted my academic or career goals A time I blew it, failed, made bad choices, and how I got past it An event that helps to define me, in terms of my background STEP TWO. Address the following three questions in your essay: – What were the key moments and details of the event? – What did I learn from this event? – What aspects of this event have stayed with me most? © 2012 The Writing Center, Inc. 12 10 August 2015