1. Welcome

2. Why Learn about Dating Abuse?

3. Today’s Goals Define teen dating abuse and recognize its prevalence Understand the dynamics of dating abuse Identify dating abuse in a teen relationship Gain skills to intervene and start conversations with teens

4. Teen dating abuse: definition and prevalence

5. Prevalence 1 in 3 adolescents is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner – a number that far exceeds other types of youth violence. Partner Violence Among Adolescents in Opposite-Sex Romantic Relationships: Findings From the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health Carolyn Tucker Halpern, PhD, Selene G. Oslak, MPH, Mary L. Young, MS, Sandra L. Martin, PhD, and Lawrence L. Kupper, PhD http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/full/10.2105/AJPH.91.10.1679

6. Half of teenagers in relationships report being controlled, threatened, and pressured to do things they did not want to do by their boyfriend or girlfriend. “Teen Dating Abuse: Key Topline Findings.” Futures Without Violence. 2009. http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Teens/teen_dating_abuse_2009_key_topli ne_findings.pdf Prevalence

7. Nearly 10% of students nationwide have been hit, slapped, or physically hurt deliberately by their boyfriend or girlfriend. “Youth Risk Behavior Survey.” Center for Disease Control. 2011 http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/pdf/ss/ss6104.pdf Prevalence

8. LGBTQ youth experience higher rates of every type of dating abuse. Dank, M., P. Lachman, J.M. Zweig, J. Yahner. “Dating Violence Experiences of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Youth.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence. 2013. On-line at http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10964-013-9975-8.http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10964-013-9975-8. Black and Latino students were more likely than white students to report being physically hurt by a dating partner. “Youth Risk Behavior Survey.” Center for Disease Control. 2011. http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/pdf/ss/ss6104.pdf Davis, Antoinette. “Interpersonal and Physical Dating Violence among Teens.” 2008. Online at http://www.nccdglobal.org/sites/default/files/publication_pdf/focus-dating-violence.pdfhttp://www.nccdglobal.org/sites/default/files/publication_pdf/focus-dating-violence.pdf Prevalence

9. Teens Want to Talk to Parents 62% of teens wish they were able to talk more openly about relationships with their parents. Parents have the biggest influence on teen decisions about relationships and sex. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. 2010. http://thenationalcampaign.org/sites/default/files/resource-primary-download/girl-talk.pdf http://thenationalcampaign.org/sites/default/files/resource-primary-download/wov_2010.pdf

10. And Yet… Less than 1/3 of parents talk to their teens about dating abuse. Nearly 2/3 parents of teens in relationships do not think their children are at risk of teen dating violence. Futures Without Violence and Liz Claiborne. 2009. http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Teens/teen_dating_abuse_2009_key_top line_findings.pdf

11. Teens see many adults as mentors – not just their parents. Having just one trusted adult makes a huge difference to a teen. Everyone has a role to play in ending teen dating abuse. Many Mentors Teens Today 2006 Study. Students Against Destructive Decisions. www.sadd.org/teenstoday/mentors.htm

12. What is Dating Abuse? A pattern of actual or threatened acts of physical, sexual, emotional and/or digital abuse against a dating partner. Abuse is about power and control.

13. Methods of Control PhysicalEmotionalDigitalSexual

14. Slapping Grabbing Punching Kicking Cutting Throwing objects Burning Scratching Pulling hair Forcibly restraining Stabbing Physical Abuse

15. Yelling Threats Insults Invading privacy Isolating from others Public humiliation Possessiveness Destroying objects Lying Withholding affection Intimidation Emotional Abuse

16. Monitoring communications Demanding sexual photos Excessive texts Hacking Posting private images or messages Demanding check-ins Tracking location Posting cruel things about a partner Digital Abuse

17. Rape Unwanted penetration of any kind Battering that leads to rape Voyeurism Unwanted touching Unwanted kissing Sexual name-calling Sabotaging birth control Sexual Abuse

18. Dynamics of Dating Abuse Abuse is a pattern. Abuse will escalate over time. Abuse comes in cycles. There will be peaceful periods.

19. Abuse is Intentional Unhealthy relationships are different than abusive relationships. For a relationship to be abusive, one partner deliberately gains and maintains power and control over the victim. If the victim does not do what the abuser wants, the abuser will punish the victim.

20. ACTIVITY: Healthy, Unhealthy or Abusive?

21. Abuse’s Impacts Victims of teen dating violence are more likely to: Do poorly in school Experience depression, anxiety and other mental health issues Binge drink Attempt suicide Engage in physical fights Have an unplanned pregnancy http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/teen-dating-violence-2014-a.pdf Petrochko, Cole, and Robert Jasmer. MedPage. Pediatrics. 2012 http://www.medpagetoday.com/Pediatrics/DomesticViolence/36356 “Teen Dating Violence.” Center for Disease Control. 2014.

22. Abuse Over the Lifetime Teens in abusive relationships are more likely to become victims or abusers in college and as adults. Abuse escalates and becomes more severe over time. Early intervention is the best strategy. http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/teen-dating-violence-2014-a.pdf Petrochko, Cole, and Robert Jasmer. MedPage. Pediatrics. 2012 http://www.medpagetoday.com/Pediatrics/DomesticViolence/36356 “Teen Dating Violence.” Center for Disease Control. 2014.

23. Dating Abuse Can be Deadly

24. Identifying Teen Dating Abuse

25. It can be difficult to see red flags in teen relationships There are red flags that may be indicators that a teen is a victim or an abuser. Seeing Red Flags

26. Social behavior changes Examples: withdraws from activities, no longer gets along with friends, dresses differently New risky behaviors Examples: drug use, alcohol, partying, sex Academic changes Examples: truancy, grades decline Mood changes Examples: Depression, anxiety, irritability Physical signs Examples: Physical marks on victim, holes in walls of home/signs of struggle, covering up when seasonally inappropriate Red Flags: Victim Behavior

27. Excessive texting, calling or contact Tense, dramatic conversations that may include yelling, crying, fighting Abuser answers for victim or tells victim what to do Victim appears afraid of abuser and/or is quiet in abuser’s presence Red Flags: Couple Communication

28. Disrespectful conversations with peers about victim Examples: shares private message or images with peers, refers to partner with degrading language, shares personal or private information about victim Demonstrates anger and/or possessive behavior Examples: yelling, aggression towards peers and/or family, constantly texting, anger when partner is absent or busy History of trauma Examples: history of substance abuse, history of violent behavior, experience of trauma and/or family violence Red Flags: Abuser Behavior

29. Video: The Teen Experience

30. Debriefing the Video Does anyone have an initial reaction they would like to share? Was anything surprising?

31. Bystander Intervention: Tips for Talking to a Teen Victim

32. Every teen is different. Your response should match the severity of the situation. Context Matters

33. Physical abuse requires an urgent response. Consider police and legal options. Make a safety plan. Violent Abuse

34. Teen Concerns Gallopin, Colleen, JD and Laila Leigh. “Teen Perceptions of Dating Violence, Help-Seeking, and the Role of Schools.” 2009. The Prevention Researcher: V. 16, No. 1, pp 17-20, Item# A161-Gallopin Being blamed Being interrogated Being made to feel guilty Not being believed An adult telling others what happened

35. Take teens seriously. Don’t interrogate. Support and validate. Give options, not orders. Be the best listener you can be. Best Practices

36. Find someone for them to talk to. Be ready with resources and don’t take it personally. Keep your opinions on teen dating and sex out of this conversation. Find the Right Resource

37. When teens tell someone about abuse, it’s usually a friend. 91% of teens who report that someone else witnessed dating violence say it was a friend who saw the incident(s). Teens learn about romantic relationships and decide what is normal and/or acceptable from their peers. Peers Matter Weisz, Arlene N., M.S.W., Ph.D., and Beverly M. Black, Ph.D., M.S.S.W. “Help-Seeking and Help-Giving for Teen Dating Violence.” 2009. The Prevention Researcher, V. 16, No. 1, pp 12-16.

38. The victim usually doesn’t want to break up, they want the abuser to change and stop the abuse. Abuse often escalates when a victim tries to leave an abuser. Breaking up can be dangerous. Telling a victim he or she must break up may lead to secrecy in continuing the relationship. Breaking Up

39. Be honest with teens. Share your plan. Transparency

40. Talking to a Teen Victim

41. Prevention. Adult discusses teen dating abuse with teen. Teen discloses abuse. Teen starts the conversation, and adult must respond. Adult notices abuse. Adult identifies red flags and starts conversation with teen. Different Conversations

42. Express concern and love Explain healthy relationships Explain what dating abuse is Help teen identify the abuse that may be happening in his or her relationship Give time and tools Check in Conversation Outline

43. Find a good time and place Express concern and love Starting a Conversation

44. Tips: Express Concern and Love DO SAY: “I love you and want you to be happy.” “You deserve a great relationship with someone who values you.” “You are a wonderful person with a lot to offer.” DO NOT SAY: “I don’t like the guy/girl that you’re seeing.” “You need to break up with that guy/girl.” “Don’t try to hide it, I know you’ve been dating someone.”

45. Explain Healthy Relationships A good partner: cares about your happiness. trusts you and believes you. supports your interests, goals and dreams. understands that you have friends and a life outside of him/her. respects your privacy and boundaries. listens to you and values what you have to say. does not pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. does not punish you or hurt you.

46. Explain Dating Abuse Explain what dating abuse is and that it is common. Go through examples of abusive behaviors.

47. Tips for Explaining Abuse Be specific about the red flags or abuse you have observed or witnessed. Ask how the incident(s) made them feel. Encourage teens to set boundaries and trust their instincts.

48. DO NOT SAY: “It seems like you aren’t being yourself lately. I think your boyfriend is a bad influence on you.” Specifically Identify Abuse DO SAY: “I’ve noticed you’ve been dressing really differently since you and your boyfriend started dating. You’re very covered up and have stopped wearing all those nice things you have. I’m concerned he may be telling you what to wear. You shouldn’t have to change what you wear to make him happy. Are you comfortable making this change for him?”

49. Ask the teen to think about their relationship. Provide hotline and web resources. You’re here for them. You’re worried. You understand this is difficult. You’ll still be here if they want to discuss this again or if anything new happens. You will check in again. Give Time and Tools

50. Check In Follow up. Ask the teen what he or she thinks and wants to do. Consider making a safety plan.

51. Tips for Talking to Teen Abuser Be constructive. This teen needs help, and you’re going to work through this together. Do not let abuser minimize or excuse behavior. Take control. You need to assert your authority as an adult, prescribe specific actions and follow up.

52. Conclusion

53. Today’s Goals Define teen dating abuse and recognize its prevalence Understand the dynamics of dating abuse Identify dating abuse in a teen relationship Gain skills to intervene and start conversations with teens

54. Dating abuse is a serious and prevalent issue for diverse young people Adults can help teens identify dating abuse and get the help that they need Visit our website for more guidance and information Conclusion

55. This program was developed by

56. Funding for this program provided by

57. Visit JWI.org/DatingAbuse for more information