1. Revising Your Personal Essay Two points of interest: 1. Effective Lead 2. Support you personal philosophy

2. Point 1: Effective Lead Listen for an effective lead Peace Can Happen http://thisibelieve.org/essay/22317/ The Myths of Manhood http://thisibelieve.org/essay/24307/ Listen (and follow along). What makes the lead effective (or ineffective)

3. Strategies Question: “When was the last time you went without a meal?” Quotation (from someone famous or from someone significant in in your life): “Be careful were the last words my father said to me each time I left the house.” Strong Statement (that your essay will either support or dispute): “If you eat enough cabbage, you’ll never get cancer.” Metaphor: “The starlings in my back garden are the small boys in the playground, impressing each other with their new-found swear words. The crows all belong to the same biker gang. You need to know their secret sign to join the club.” Description (of a person or setting): “Michael once mowed the lawns around Municipal Hall wearing a frilly apron, high heels, and nylons, with a pillow stuffed under his sweater so he looked pregnant. And it wasn’t Halloween.”

4. Individual Task Take some time to read each essay and evaluate the lead. What type of strategy do you think the writer is trying to use. Is this an effective strategy. If not, how would you change it?

5. Group Task Discuss your evaluation with one other person in the room. What changes (if any)would the two of you suggest. Rewrite the lead for one of the essays. Be prepared to share the new lead with the class.

6. Point 2: Providing support Hang the DRAPES d Dialogue— “If you can’t say something good, don’t say anything at all,” my mother warned me throughout my childhood. r Rhetorical question– “ When you are eighty years old, what will you regret that you didn’t do?” I asked myself. A Anecdote– “When I was about 10 years old...” “That phrase sounds simple but it’s been a guidepost for me and the foundation of who I am.” P Personal Experience– “My belief was formed eighteen years ago as a five-year-old kid during my first of many seasons of Little League baseball.” E Example— “I believe in my dog. I believe in the way he lives his life, and I try to emulate him...” S Statistic— “At the age of only six and a half, my parents were told that I had only a 50 percent chance for survival. To my father that meant I might die. But to my mother, that meant I had a chance to live...”

7. Task Using the same two models, look at how each writer has provided support for his/her belief. Discuss with your partner the support that you see in the essays.

8. Finally Now look at your own essay. Using what you have learned about leads and support, revise your own essay. Specifically look at your lead and at least try something different. Look at where you have been told to add more detail and hang some DRAPES.