1. The Priority of Relationships Source: George McCalep, Faithful Over a Few Things, Orman Press, 1996

2. Key Revelation l Chapter 1: “Valuing Change” l Chapter 6: “Relationships” Switching to make “Relationships” chapter 1!

3. The Two Most Important Words in Church Growth l #1: “Gospel” l #2: “Relationships”

4. 5 Stages of Relationships l 1. Pre-existent What do people think about us before we ever met? l 2. First-impression What’s the drive-up/drive-in/walk-in perception? appearance, parking, greeting

5. 5 Stages of Relationships l 3. Acquaintance name-calling, kinship in the Lord l 4. Maturing “that’s just the way s/he is” “one of ours”

6. 5 Stages of Relationships l 5. Tried, tested, and true not going to leave just because we disagree about an issue the “exit” lights are out

7. Our Church Growth Problem … l We have difficulty seeing significant church growth … … because so few of relationships reach stages 4 & 5! Our church relationships are too often immature and broken

8. 7 Relationship Networks l Pastor-God l Members-God l Pastor-Staff l Pastor-Members l Members-Pastor/Staff l Members-Members l Church-World

9. 12 Suggestions for Improving Relationships l 1. Eliminate voting on people within the church. Votes assure multiplying losers through shoot-offs addresses “member-member” relationships

10. 12 Ways to Improve l 2. Tithe budget to missions. off the top (just like an individual) gives relationships a purpose addresses “church-world” and “member-God” relationship

11. 12 Ways to Improve l 3. Matthew 18:15-22 Addresses all 7 relationship nets “Gospel steps” a). Go to the brother/sister b). Go with a couple of wise kin c). Go before whole church d). Treat as Gentile

12. 12 Ways to Improve l 4. Be administratively conscious. Eliminate hurts by keeping people informed and “in the loop”

13. 12 Ways to Improve l 5. Emphasize kinship more than membership. Relax about the “joining” thing! Create warm place for “friends” of the church Remembers, the goal is to make disciples, not members.

14. 12 Ways to Improve l 6. Create multiple opportunities every year for the congregation to show love to the pastor (and staff). Celebrate victories Thanking for the unknown labors Provide for the pastor/staff financially

15. 12 Ways to Improve l 7. Ensure assimilation into the church via developing small group networks. Addresses “members-God” “members-members” “church-world”

16. 12 Ways to Improve l 8. Emphasize the love and unity of the body of Christ through celebration of the Lord’s Supper. More often than once a quarter?

17. 12 Ways to Improve l 9. Celebrate the arrival of new members in the family. What do you do to rejoice in God for those the Lord has entrusted to you? vs. Homecoming, anniversaries

18. 12 Ways to Improve l 10. Preach-teach prophetically Stress what it means to be “family” Don’t be afraid to address “state of the church” issues in worship

19. 12 Ways to Improve l 11. Be proactive to intervene in areas that have historically fostered bad relationships. i.e. choir, softball team, trustees

20. 12 Ways to Improve l 12. Model the process! Don’t do what I say, do what I do! Practice what you preach Are there unreconciled relationships in your church? In your life?

21. Conclusion l “God does not bless our mess!” If our relationships are out of order, then the church will not grow Solid relationships precede valuing “change” and church growth

22. Conclusion l Want to grow as a church? Begin with strengthening the relationship networks of your church

23. Appendix: 11 Ways to Strengthen “Members to Pastor” Relationship l Send pastor on vacation l Provide baby-sitting l Send notes of thoughtfulness l Surprise attendance off-site l Run interference (delegation) l Adequate salary/benefits l An inaccessible day off weekly

24. Appendix: 11 Ways to Strengthen “Members to Pastor” Relationship l Sabbatical every 4-7 years l Enthusiasm in laity and officers to support and encourage l Nip gossip in the bud l Be not easily offended

25. The Priority of Relationships Dr. John P. Chandler The Ray and Ann Spence Network for Congregational Leadership www.rasnet.org Copyright John P. Chandler, 2000