1. 1 Stop the Bickering! Getting a Handle on Sibling Rivalry Zoë Mount, MFT

2. 2 Agenda Why do siblings fight? Common techniques parents use and alternatives Tips Competition Alternative avenues for expression Helpful phrases Q&A

3. 3 Why do siblings fight? Get Attention! Keep their position in the family Assure themselves that they’re loved

4. 4 Techniques Common “I don’t care who started it” Alternative “I’m sure you can settle it yourselves” I won! I lost Our parents have faith in our abilities.

5. 5 Techniques Common “I love you both the same” Alternative “I love you for who you are” (no mention of sibling) I’m not loved for myself She loves me for me!

6. 6 Techniques Common “You know you don’t mean that” Alternative “It sounds like you’re very upset right now” Yes I do! You don’t understand! You get it!

7. 7 Tips Never make comparisons You are always safe staying with feelings Avoid labels

8. 8 Solution focused meetings Good for child/child complaints as well as parent/child issues Call family together Explain problem in non-blaming terms Write down all possible solutions with no judgment Go through final list and find most workable solution

9. 9 Competition: some thoughts Benefits Kids work harder Kids ‘push’ each other

10. 10 Competition: more thoughts Drawbacks Children will fight Children will feel less secure

11. 11 Competition: final thoughts Cooperation reduces bickering, increases harmony. Try Emphasizing working as team De-emphasizing win-lose scenarios

12. 12 Alternative avenues for expression Both children and parents can: Draw Write Play

13. 13 Helpful phrases for parents “It sounds like you’re feeling….” “I bet you wish….” “I know you can…”

14. 14 Q & A

15. 15 A copy of this presentation This presentation is available on the web at www.zoemount.com for your future reference.www.zoemount.com