1. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
What is Elaboration?
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI All rights reserved.

2. Definition of Elaboration
Elaboration means. . .
To tell the reader more using
Specific words
Extensions (phrases, clauses)
Onion-like layering of detail
Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, lists for specificity, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts.
It has been very successful with groups of student to have them respond chorally. The teacher asks, “What does elaboration mean?” The students respond, “Tell me more.” The teacher then proceeds to tell them more.
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3. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Quick Write
Think about a time when someone wrote you a note that said, “There’s a new kid coming to our school tomorrow.”
What kind of details would you want to know?
What kind of details were left out?
Why is having enough information important?
Lesson 1 day 1
Quick write (10 minutes)
Reminder
Students should write rapidly, capturing anything that strikes them as being related to the suggested topic and organizing it as best as they can.
Students should write their quick writes in their writing notebook and date it.
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4. What does elaboration look like?
ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like. . .
Once when I was in middle school, the kids would always
Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my . . .
Anecdotes (15 minutes) slides 9-11
One effective way to elaborate is to use short narratives called anecdotes. Ask your students if they remember any teacher who told lots of stories as they were teaching. Most teachers do this. Ask them if their parents relate stories about “when they were young.”
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5. Develop your point with an anecdote.
You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there!
This is an example to share with students on inserting a personal experience into the essay.
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6. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Anecdotes - your turn
Look at the paper you wrote last Tuesday (“Sport or Activity”); identify some stories you could use to weave into that essay.
On your own paper, write a short anecdote that might work.
Share this with your partner.
Discuss the images in the anecdote that are vivid.
Have the students use the “sports or activity ” paper they have written on before and follow the directions on the slide to write the anecdotes that would fit in and enhance the paper.
For example
“When I played football and got tackled, CRACK! The sound was almost as excruciating as the pain.”
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7. What does elaboration look like?
EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like. . .
The cats were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped at me …
We had a barrage of different weather last week: hail, rain, snow, and sunshine.
My brothers always seem to pick on me. For instance, they hide my soccer shoes before a game.
Examples (15 minutes) slides 12-14
Discuss how the examples develop specific ideas that expand the main idea.
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8. Develop your point with an example.
The game of golf can be played for an entire lifetime and by yourself. People of any age can go out and play a round of golf whenever they want as opposed to team sports. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play. How many times are you going to call up ten or more of your friends and go play sports?
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9. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Examples - your turn
Examples are an effective way to help the reader understand your ideas.
Think about a situation at school and write two examples.
Share them with your partner.
How do the examples help explain?
Examples
I loved recess. We got to run outside and see our friends. For a few minutes we could play games such as dodge ball, hopscotch, and jump rope.
I am always happy when I see my favorite foods on the lunch menu. Some of these include pizza, tater tots, and cookies.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI All rights reserved.

10. What does elaboration look like?
DEFINITIONS -- are a restatement of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell the reader what it means.
Definition (15 minutes) slides 15-17
Tell the students
Using definitions is another way to elaborate.
Discuss how the definition clarifies the word A La Carte.
The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean is the little deli line-up past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars.
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11. Develop your point with a definition.
One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work.
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Definition - your turn
Defining specific words shows an awareness of your audience--what they know and what they may not know.
Talk to your partner about some of the “lingo” you hear at school. Write a definition of one word for your parents and then write a definition of that same word for a third grader.
How did your definition change depending on the audience?
Explain that “lingo” is slang that is unique to a certain group.
For example, phat, awesome, sweet, are all words that refer to something great and wonderful. “Winning the lottery would be tubular (or sweet, or phat).”
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13. What does elaboration look like?
STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument.
Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends?
Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of every 4 parents would have grounded you for staying out so late?
Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life.
Statistics and facts (15 minutes) slides 18-20
You can also use facts and statistics to elaborate.
Discuss how the facts provide support for the main point. Providing the number of students allowed to stay out late makes the parent rule seem unusual and unfair. When the parent uses the same strategy, it makes that point seem very reasonable.
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14. Develop your point with facts and statistics.
Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low-carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington.
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15. Statistics and Facts - your turn
Statistics in a WASL paper can be made up by you, the writer!
Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic for an issue at school, (e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers).
Be creative and think of what statistics might convince the audience.
Share a creative idea with the whole group.
Remind students that on-demand writing such as the WASL allows the writer to be creative with statistics. However, they may not be creative with data when they are conducting research in the classroom.
Example
Student tardies have skyrocketed this past year. Last year there were 115 tardies in first period. This year, there were over 300! Tardies have nearly tripled!
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16. What does elaboration look like?
QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument.
Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from the animal shelter, agreed when he said,
“Spaying or neutering dogs and cats is the single best gift a pet owner can give.”
Quotation (15 minutes) slides 21-23
You can elaborate your ideas by quoting someone. The person could be an authority or anyone whose ideas support yours.
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17. Develop your point with quotations.
Another reason to graduate from high school is that even technical jobs require a diploma. Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding magazine states, “We won’t even consider hiring a person without a high school diploma. Our workers need to read the job specs, monitor equipment performance, and write orders and reports.” Turner went on to describe the many qualified applicants who compete for the positions in his busy firm. This seems to be different from the good old days and makes a pretty decent point about staying in school.
This is a model to share with students on developing ideas with quotations. Like statistics, students can be creative with their quotations.
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18. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Quotations
Quotations or simple dialogue can add information and credibility to your idea or argument.
On the WASL, you can invent an important expert and have that person say something to bolster your position.
You can also quote someone you know.
Remind your students they can quote a family member or a friend.
For example, my mother always said, “If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.”
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19. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Quotations - your turn
Talk to your partner about some possibilities of people you might quote regarding an issue at school.
Take the statistic in your last example and turn it into a quotation.
Share one example with the class.
Example
Student tardies have skyrocketed this past year. Even Mrs. Baker, the most relaxed teacher in the school, noted, ” My goodness! Now that I think about it, I have seen some tardies to first period this year.”
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI All rights reserved.

20. What does elaboration look like?
DESCRIPTIONS—are a way to create vivid images for the reader.
The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and
I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs.
Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through
Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers and rubber hair wraps,
my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack.
“Must shut off ringer,”I thought.
Description (15 minutes) slides 25-27
Explain how you can use description to elaborate.
One way is to use sensory images to create vivid pictures for you reader by appealing to the senses of sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell.
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21. Develop your point with description.
Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.
Talk about the sensory appeal in this paragraph.
The reader can see the yellow daffodils and green stems, feel the brittleness, and hear the snap of the dry stems.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI All rights reserved.

22. Description - your turn
Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses.
Work with your partner and write a paragraph that describes your school’s cafeteria. Elaborate using sensory details.
Example of a description of my son’s car
When I opened the door of my son’s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel.
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23. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Reflection
In your own words, define elaboration.
Why is it important?
What kind of changes will you make in your writing now that you have learned about elaboration?
Reflection (10 minutes)
Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks.
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24. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Agenda—Day 2
Review elaboration strategies
Quick write
Identify specific details vs. general language
Show, don’t tell
Reflect
Focus for day 2 - concrete, specific language to elaborate and show, don’t tell
Approximate times
Review of elaboration strategies (10 minutes)
Quick write (10 minutes)
Identify specific details vs. general language (25 minutes)
Show, don’t tell (65 minutes)
Reflect (10 minutes)
Handouts in the Document Folder -
Elaboration Strategies
Gr 10 Drama
Elab Scoring Guide
WASL Elab samples
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25. Where is the elaboration?
The main reason I love Halloween is the candy. Oh my gosh, it’s like heaven—even for big kids. What I’m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies that I can. When I get to heaven, it will have all those kinds of candy. Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven. You might not believe it but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day it took me 12 days to polish it all off. There’s nothing better than candy if you’re a kid.
Identifying elaboration strategies (10 minutes)slides
The next few slides model the kinds of strategies used in this paragraph. Students may need copies of this paragraph so they can see the entire piece at the same time.
The handout is in the Document Folder titled Candy.
Distribute copies of the Elaboration Strategies to students for reference.
Allow students to identify elaboration strategies that they see. The next three slides will verify their answers.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI All rights reserved.

26. Where is the elaboration?
Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven.
ANECDOTE
The writer is including a short narrative story with personal experience to make his point about how he was going to get candy.
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27. Where is the elaboration?
You might not believe it, but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day, it took me 12 days to polish it all off.
STATISTICS
The writer is making up or remembering statistics that make his point about getting a large amount of candy.
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28. Recognizing Elaboration with a Partner
The following paragraphs are also about Halloween. Working with your partner, use your Elaboration Strategies handout to help you highlight and label the strategies in each of these paragraphs.
What kinds of elaboration do you find most effective in these paragraphs?
What kinds are easy to recognize?
Students will need copies of Halloween paragraphs in the Document Folder.
Let your students know that these are 7th grade samples, and their examples will likely be more sophisticated.
Harvest
Anecdote (I remember when…)
Example (For instance, I threw baseballs…)
Costumes
Definition (What I mean is…)
Description (Red and pointed…)
Anecdote (I remember one time…doors.)
Dark
Description (…running quickly between houses…)
Example (For example, have you…)
Anecdote (One time, when I was six… )
Corn Maze
Description/scenario (Picture this -- rubber-gloved hands…wet your pants.)
They will find the elaboration, identify the types used, and talk about what they find the most effective.
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