1. Writing Scholarship Essays for Graduate School
by Indiah Marsaban, Ir., MBA

2. Objectives By the end of the workshop, you will be able to:
Understand the difference between Personal Statement and Study Objective Statement;
Identify the elements of writing a “winning” Personal Statement/Study Objective;
Understand the general rules in writing an effective essay proposal for graduate school;
Review some highlights on grammar;
Practice writing paragraphs related to the topics in your essay
Have an embryonic outline for your application essays.

3. Applying to Graduate School
Graduate or Professional School application process includes:
Formal application
Academic Record (grades, GPA)
Admissions Test Scores
Strong recommendation letters
Statement of Purpose/Study Objective
Research Proposal
Writing Sample

4. Importance Criteria in Admissions Decisions (Range 0-3)
Master’s
Doctoral
Letters of Recommendation
2.74
2.82
Research Experience
2.04
2.54
Work Experience
1.91
1.87
Public Service
1.94
Extracurricular Activities
1.46
1.41
Interview
2.30
2.62
Personal Statement
2.63
2.81
GRE/GMAT/TOEFL Scores
2.36
2.50
GPA
2.75

5. Statement of Purpose vs. Study ObjectivesSP
Professional, academic and future plans;
Education and practical experience;
Impact on your community;
Special interests;
Career plans
Purpose for applying to grad school.
Significant factors influencing your educational or professional development. SO
Major field of study
Special interests within this field.
Program expected to take
How your study plan fits in with your previous training, professional experience
Future objectives and career path

6. Can the SP be “overlapping” with the SO?
Since each statement serves a different purpose, they should be distinct but consistent with each other.
Avoid “overlapping” essays; even if you have to state the same idea try to paraphrase (using different words);
Read the instructions on the application form carefully to fully understand what is needed in your essay.
However, some universities might combine the SP and SO.

7. Personal Statement
Your opportunity to “sell” yourself in the application process;
Who you are, what you have done that has influenced your decision to further your academic career, defines your interests and passion and gives an idea of your future plans and goals.
A self inventory of your unique experience, influence and abilities, skills and characteristics (for example integrity, compassion, persistence)
Describe your short term and long term goal

8. What might the Admissions Committee want to see in your Personal Statement (1)
Seriousness in pursuing graduate school;
Intellectual ability to “handle” graduate school;
Intellectual curiosity about the field you wish to study;
Creativity;
Open-mindedness (to ideas, people, and circumstances different from your own)

9. What might the Admissions Committee want to see in your Statement of Purpose (2)
Maturity
Concern for others
Initiative
Enthusiasm
Confidence
Multi-tasking
Diligence
Communication Ability
Leadership
Analytical Ability
Risk Taking
Insight
Optimism
Compromise
Overcoming adversity

10. What are universities looking for?
A Picture of Your Overall Personality
Academic Background and Work Experience
Continuity
Commitment and Motivation
Communication Skills
A Picture of Your Overall Personality You may imply rather than state the facts. For instance, don’t say ‘I am a smart person.’ Demonstrate it, imply it. Don’t say ‘I am energetic.’ Give evidence by the fact that you worked a full-time job and still participated in community activities, professional organizations, volunteerism, etc.
Academic Background and Work Experience It would be a mistake to talk about your high school. Start with your undergraduate career. School records may be worth mentioning if there is something extraordinary about them.
Continuity Admissions officers are looking for some continuity in what you have done, what you want to do in the near future and what you hope to do in the distant future. So, connect them.
Commitment and Motivation Rather than simply saying ‘I am committed’, find a way of inferring that you are indeed highly committed and motivated to your proposed field of study.
Communication Skills They will be looking at your writing skills - how well you can present yourself clearly and intelligently when writing, hence the importance of spending considerable time on the statement.

11. STUDY OBJECTIVE: Getting Started
Write a clear description of your study objectives (be specific about major field and specialized interests within this field) AND explain why you want to pursue these objectives. 
Describe the kind of program you expect to undertake and explain how this study plan (or program) fits in with previous training and with your future objectives.

12. There are many ways to organize your Study Objective
Follow an outline that addresses the information in an order which is the clearest and most coherent to the reader.
Remember: those who are screening applications read many, many, applications.
If you include irrelevant information and too much detail or rationalization, readers/screeners will probably set your study objective aside.

13. Study Objective Outline
PARAGRAPH 1: Description of an MA or PhD program you expect to undertake.
PARAGRAPH 2: Write a brief paragraph stating your research (thesis) proposal. Discuss how your thesis will benefit your field and how you intend to undertake it.
PARAGRAPH 3: Explain how the description of the plan above fits in with your previous training and your future objectives.
PARAGRAPH 4: Explain why you need to undertake these studies in the abroad as opposed to Indonesia. 
PARAGRAPH 5: Discuss how getting this scholarship will help you when you return. Consider your impact on community development and/or on benefiting Indonesian society.

14. PARAGRAPH 1: Description of the MA or PhD program you expect to undertake.
Know what scholarly work or program you would like to accomplish in the United States (or wherever). Decide what kind of master’s or PhD program you need to take.
Include SPECIFIC courses that you want to undertake or identify your research focus.
It is important in this section that you not request that you be placed at a particular University (IGNORE FOR NON-FULLBRIGHT PROGRAMS).
If you mention professors at a graduate school, mention something of substance that reveals you know and appreciate that person's work.
Describe what you like most and what you would like to do as your research work if you are admitted.
Know what scholarly work or program you would like to accomplish in the United States. Decide what kind of Master’s or PhD program you need to take. You have to know what programs are available in the US to do this.
Include SPECIFIC courses or focus that you want to pursue or a research focus. Visiting U.S. university websites and go through the related courses will be very helpful. Just saying that you want to do PhD in Computer Networks is not enough. Be more specific by saying things like distributed protocols or wireless sensor networks.
It is important in this section that you are not to request that you be placed at a particular University. You will have your opportunity to be placed in maximum of 5 universities after you go through the selection process. In this initial stage it is better that you focus on what you want to study rather than where you want to get your degree.
If you mention professors at a graduate school, mention something of substance that reveals you know and appreciate that person's work. Don't necessarily pick the most famous professor; find a lesser-known professor whose work truly intrigues you.
This is where you describe what you like most and what you would like to do as your research work if you are admitted. Particularly for a Ph.D program applicant, you need to mention the research you would like to do for the program. You will have to submit a separate research proposal after you are selected for the interview, but in your study objective, it is crucial for you to briefly mention your research.
For MA applicants, identify what about the field interests you, and why. Discuss what you want to do in the field. If possible, demonstrate how Indonesia needs citizens with more expertise in the field. 14

15. PARAGRAPH 2: Write a brief paragraph stating your research (thesis) proposal. Discuss how your thesis will benefit your field and how you intend to undertake it.
The first sentence should read something like "I wish to study in the United States so that I might (complete whatever your project is)."
It is not enough to say that a master's degree or Ph.D will require that you write a thesis. This paragraph should clearly state your thesis.
Spell out your project briefly; discuss how your thesis will benefit your field and the way in which you intend to undertake it.
Express why you think you are the person to complete this task and tell briefly why your project will benefit both the larger field of your study and the country when it is completed.
SAMPLE PARAGRAPH 2 TEMPLATE...BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THESIS PROPOSAL (master’s candidates)
I would like to study in ___________ so that I might gain an understanding of___________________. The main objective of my thesis will be to (examine/gain expertise in/explore the possibilities for) ______________________. I believe my project will benefit my field, particularly in regards to _____________________as it relates to developing countries. I will undertake my thesis by _______________________________. My previous study and job experiences make me the ideal person to undertake this thesis and will equip me to impact my country as I ____________________________________________________. 15

16. PARAGRAPH 3: Explain how the description of the plan above in PARAGRAPH 1 fits in with your previous training and your future objectives.
What experience in your background will assure that you are ready to take coursework of this type?
If you have a problematic academic background, address that as well.
What future objectives will be facilitated by learning in these areas?
Articulate what is particularly valuable about the perspective that you will bring to your chosen field of study and to the specific department within the university.
What experience in your background will assure that you are ready to take coursework of this type.
Include some details about your intended specialization in your field, your preparation for that specialization, and anything else you consider important for a judgment of your abilities (articles, theses, books, or any other material published, or any inventions patented; academic honors, prizes, or honorary scholarships; etc.).
If you have some problematic academic background, address that as well.
For example, you got all C's one semester. Take a (brief) paragraph to explain that you had some emotional setback that semester but then demonstrate how your grades have been sterling since then.
How will my future objectives be facilitated by learning in these areas? Explain how your knowledge and the degree you will complete will contribute to your future objectives.
Articulate what is particularly valuable about the perspective that you will bring to the prospective field of study and to the specific department. Discuss how your abilities and future objectives/goals can somehow enrich the department/university and align with their objectives. 16

17. PARAGRAPH 4: Why do you need to undertake these studies in the United States (or wherever) as opposed to Indonesia?
Describe in detail why it is necessary that you undertake your studies at this university and why this cannot be just as easily completed at home.
Contrast the resources and opportunities you feel might be available to you in the States (or wherever) as compared with Indonesia.
Talk not only about infrastructure issues (research libraries) but also about what impact being in a foreign culture might have and how it will positively impact your future.
Do not make a general statement and tell how wonderful the university is.
Describe in detail about why you need to undertake your studies in the States and cannot be just as easily completed at home.
Though your inclination might be to talk about how and why you cannot complete your project at home, it is better to make this claim through contrast, telling what resources and opportunities you feel might be available to you in the States (or other country).
Talk not only about infrastructure issues (research libraries, for example), but what, if any, impact being in a foreign culture might have and how it will positively impact your future.
Do not make a general statement and tell how wonderful the university the U.S. or that you want to study there because it's the best in the world. 17

18. PARAGRAPH 5: How will getting this scholarship help you impact community development and/or benefit Indonesian society when you return after completing your studies?
What are your future plans after receiving this degree? Be specific with your career goals.
Explain how your degree and knowledge in the field will benefit the community or society at large.
Mention any social/community activities that you might be involved in upon your return.
Do not show self-interest and self-achievement as the main goals of your career.
What are your future plans after receiving this degree? Be specific with your career goals.
Explain how your degree and knowledge in the field will benefit the community or society at large. How are you going to implement the knowledge? Are you going back to the same institution you have worked for? Are you going to find a different place to work that is more relevant to your knowledge? How are you going to distribute the knowledge to a larger group of people (colleagues, etc.)? How can they benefit from it?
Mention any social/community activities that you might be involved in upon your return. You are expected to share your knowledge in the society, both formally and informally. Getting involved in community activities shows that you care about the development of this society.
Do not show self-interest and self-achievement in career. Higher position and better salary are not appealing reasons for the committee and these shows that you are thinking only of yourself. 18

19. The Do’s
Use a clear theme or thesis. The thesis is the main point you want to communicate.
Choose what you want to discuss and the order you want to discuss it.
Use concrete examples from your life experiences to support your thesis and distinguish yourself from others.
Start your essay with an attention-grabber lead.
Revise your essay at least three times.
Ask someone else to critique your work.
Proofread

20. Do...
Give yourself plenty of time to write and edit your study objective.
Read the question carefully.
Write the length of essay asked for.
Perform as much research on the university as you can.
Accentuate your positive qualities.
Mention your positive achievements as they apply to your graduate admission.
Do...take plenty of time. Don’t try to write your study objective at the last minute. Plan to spend a month or so preparing for the essay.
Do read the question carefully. If the application asks you why you want to go to law school or asks about your career goals, answer only what is asked and answer clearly and concisely .
Do write the length of essay they ask for. If the application asks for 200 words, keep your essay as close to 200 words as possible. Don’t make the essay too short (50 words) or too long (over 200).
Do as much research on the university as you can. If you have access to a catalogue, read it. If you can find someone who went to the university, talk to them. Explore the university’s website. Find out as much as you can about the university.
Accentuate your positive qualities. If you had the highest mark in class (Bachelor’s degree), make sure that they know it. Make sure that they know that you were able to hold a full-time job while serving in a professional organization or in community service. Make sure that they know about any significant awards you have received.
Mention your positive achievements as they apply to your graduate admission. The information you provide about your important achievements must be related to your field.
Do mention your work experience, any volunteer work that you may have done, or extra-curricular activities (professional organizations, for example) if they relate to your field. If you have held an office in a professional organization, organized community activities, etc., include that information, especially if it demonstrates leadership skills and/or the ability to work as part of a team.
Be definite in your application. Don’t say - ‘I hope to do this’, ‘I might like to do that’. Say ‘I want to do this’, ‘I am planning to do this’, ‘I intend to do that’. Your language should be definite, not hesitant and indecisive.
Make sure your essay is well-organized and everything is linked with continuity and focus.
Check your grammar, spelling, punctuation, and capitalization carefully. Ask as many others as possible to proofread your work for writing style—grammar, spelling, etc. 20

21. Do...
Mention your work experience, volunteer work , or extra-curricular activities if they relate to your field.
Be definite/concrete in your application.
Make sure your essay is well-organized and everything is linked with continuity and focus.
Check your grammar, spelling, punctuation, and capitalization carefully. Ask as many others as possible to proofread your work for writing style—grammar, spelling, etc.
Write multiple drafts and edits until you have perfected the study objective. 21

22. The Don’ts Don’t include information that doesn’t support your thesis.
Don’t start your essay with “I was born in..” or “My parents came from…”
Don’t write an autobiography, itinerary or resume in prose.
Don’t try to impress your reader with your vocabulary.
Don’t rely exclusively on your computer to check your spelling
Don’t use clichés such as “I want to help people….”

23. Don’t... Flatter the university. Be phony or dishonest about yourself.
Use empty, vague, overly-used words like meaningful, beautiful, challenging, rewarding, etc.
Use overly common phrases and nonspecific information.
Repeat information from the application unless you use it to illustrate a point.
Try to be funny—humor can backfire.
Do not flatter the university. Don’t say ‘I’ve always wanted to study at Harvard University because I have heard that it is the best university in the world to study law.’ It may not be and even if it is, it sounds like flattery.
Do not be phony, be honest about yourself. Be honest. Admissions faculty can spot a dishonest essay a mile away. It would not be to your advantage to be dishonest as you might get into a university and then find it was not the right place for you.
Do not use empty, vague, overly-used words like meaningful, beautiful, challenging, rewarding, etc.
Do not use overly common phrases and nonspecific information.
For example: "My above qualifications and my placement in the top 10th of my class demonstrate that I have the leadership, organization, and academic ability to succeed well at your school.“ This generic statement says nothing specific about you as an individual. When you're writing, think about whether it's likely that 100 other people said the same thing you did. The personal statement is your chance to show how unique you are.
Do not repeat information from the application unless you use it to illustrate a point.
Don’t say ‘My major is Physics’ because you have already said that somewhere else. Instead say ‘While I majored in Physics I also took ...’ or ‘My Physics major enabled me to take special courses in... and...’. Do mention your knowledge and experience in the field at the university level. It is usually a poor idea to mention your high school experience unless something exceptional happened at that time that changed your life or affected your career choice.
Do not try to be funny—you don’t know your audience, so humor can backfire.
Do not use statements like “I’ve always wanted to be a . . .” or other hackneyed phrases.
Do not make excuses, but you can talk about the mistakes you've made as a learning experience. If there is something important that happened (poverty, illness, excessive work, etc. ), which affected your grades go ahead and state it, but write it affirmatively, that is, in a way that shows your perseverance.
Do not use slang, technical jargon., long quotations.
Do not write in an arrogant manner.  Instead, make it clear that you are confident about your ability, but still eager to learn what the program has to offer.
Don’t wait till the last minute before the deadline for writing the study objective. 23

24. Develop a theme? What is the message that you want to convey?
What are you commitments?
Your passion?

25. What are your goals in life?
For example, your goal in responding to an essay might be:
Demonstrate personal traits that are similar to the traits of the person for whom the scholarship is named.
Use present tense and optimistic phrases to show that you are active, vibrant and can-do person.
Show how strong family support contributes to my success
Emphasize your sense of balance in academics & family life

26. Strong Study Objective26

27. I wish to continue my study in economics, particularly in Industrial Organization and Public Policy. I have spent many years studying economics and understand how economic policy impacts a country’s prosperity. As a civil servant in the Ministry of Culture and Tourism, I have been involved in making recommendations for Indonesia’s tourism development policies. Because of extenuating circumstances, tourism in Indonesia continues to fluctuate. However, because they are key components of future economic growth, better tourism policies must be developed. By earning a master’s degree in economics with a specialization in Industrial Organization and Public Policy, I hope to gain the expertise needed to contribute toward better tourism development policies.
I would like to study economics so that I might gain an understanding of Industrial Organizational and Public Policy. The main objective of my thesis will be to explore the possibilities for tourism development in Indonesia. I believe my project will benefit my field, particularly in regards to tourism development as it relates to developing countries. I will undertake my thesis by studying cases from other countries, considering how they manage their tourism policies. My previous study and job experiences make me the ideal person to undertake this thesis and will equip me to impact my country as I play a part in formulating and implementing tourism policies for Indonesia.

28. After graduating from the Economics Faculty, Sebelas Maret University in 2003, I worked as a financial staffer in a domestic airlines company until the middle of Although my job did not require application of all my academic knowledge, I learned many new skills from my experience at the airline. My position gave me an opportunity to develop and sharpen my personal skills, such as how to cooperate with co-workers or clients and how to finish financial/tax reports on time. These skills, together with my academic knowledge, have helped me accomplish my work in my job in the Ministry of Culture and Tourism. However, I am not satisfied with my tourism and economics knowledge. By taking a dual degree program in economics, I hope to gain the knowledge I lack and to develop new skills that will enable me to be more effective. I took forward to the opportunity to share my own knowledge and experiences and to discuss various aspects of economic development with people from different backgrounds and cultures.

29. Besides the advantages stated above, taking the dual degree program will be beneficial for me and the office where I work now because this program prepares its students to integrate economic analysis with the management of resources. I will have a chance to consider Indonesia’s economic development, including tourism, from an international perspective. Moreover, the Netherlands has better facilities such as libraries, internet access and international lecturers which will help me gain a thorough understanding of economics. Additionally, I expect the international environment of the university and the culture of the Netherlands will broaden my thinking and enrich my knowledge and experience.
Holding a master’s degree in economics will give me an opportunity to be a leader in my division where I can participate in planning good strategies for economic development in the tourism sector. My knowledge and ideas will benefit Indonesia as I help formulate and implement policies. I look forward to sharing my knowledge with my colleagues as we work together to move Indonesia forward.

30. Weak Study Objective 30

31. 31

32. 32

33. DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE TO WRITE YOUR STUDY OBJECTIVE!
Even though the study objective is only one page, it will take a long time and SEVERAL EDITS to produce a polished essay.
Have someone who is a native speaker and/or familiar with academic writing give you feedback.
Do not have them write it for you! 33

34. U.S. UNIVERSITIES DIRECTORY
Useful Links
U.S. UNIVERSITIES DIRECTORY
College Navigator ( )
EducationUSA ( ) If You Want to Study in the United States: ( )
Hobsons U.S. Education Guides ( )
International Education Service ( )
Peterson's Guide for International Students ( )
 Study Abroad.com ( )
College Navigator ( ) From the Department of Education's National Center for Education Statistics - a searchable database of nearly 7,000 colleges and universities in the United States. The site also links to information on preparing for college, financial aid and career choices.
EducationUSA ( ) The portal page from the State Department's Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs provides comprehensive information about higher education in the United States, including a multi-part publication in various languages, If You Want to Study in the United States: )
Hobsons U.S. Education Guides ( ) Information for students interested in studying in the U.S. includes overviews and articles ( on choosing schools, preparing for study in the U.S., understanding U.S. culture and exploring "A Day in the Life of a U.S. Student.“
International Education Service ( ) IES assists students in finding an appropriate college or university in the U.S. The site includes a listing of universities and colleges interested in attracting students from abroad as well as information for educational advisors.
Peterson's Guide for International Students ( A description of higher education in the United States, types of U.S. institutions, the academic calendar and advice on how to apply to a college or university.
 Study Abroad.com ( ) This portal offers links for study abroad programs for both U.S. students and non-U.S. Students.
( ). It offers links to English language
( instruction programs throughout the United States. 34

35. Useful Links STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
 All About the Graduate Admissions Essay. ( )
The Princeton Review – Writing the Statement of Purpose ( )
How to Write a Great Statement of Purpose ( )
Writing A Winning Statement of Purpose ( )
UC Berkeley Statement of Purpose ( ) 35

36. It’s time to write!
It’s time to re-write!
Show don’t tell!

37. Consider these examples:
Version 1
My family does not have a lot of money. I worked my way through college by working at a bookstore.
Version 2
I come from a middle class family that does not have a lot money. So, I had to work my way through college by working part-time at a bookstore. I often did my homework and study while waiting for customers at the store.

38. Version 3
I come from a middle class family that does not have a lot money. I had to work my way through college by working part-time at a bookstore. I remember that I often studied and did my homework while waiting for customers at the store. Sometimes after school, I give private lessons to high school students for a small fee. Despite the busy schedule, I still have time to do some house chores to help my mother.

39. Make the Introduction Inviting
I am a literacy volunteer. I did not decide to do this work just because studies report that 32 % of adults in this country are functionally illiterate or because 43 % of people that have reading deficiencies live in poverty or even because 70 % of people with reading deficiencies have no job or only part-time job. My reason for becoming a literacy volunteer was much simpler. My father could not read.

40. WHILE YOU’RE WRITING Be consistent in your use of verb tense.
Check nouns for article adjectives (a, an, the).
Check subject/verb agreement.
Check that all sentences are complete.
Make good transitions between sentences and paragraphs (however, additionally, therefore, etc.) where needed. Use hooks strategically.
Use clear, concise vocabulary. Simple, concrete vocabulary is much better than misusing more difficult words.
SUGGESTION:
Go through each sentence and underline the verbs. Check that you are using
consistent verb tense.
2. Go through each sentence again and highlight the nouns. Check the article adjectives.
3. Go through each sentence again and circle the subject noun. Check it with the verb to confirm subject-verb agreement.
4. Are all sentences complete with capitalization and punctuation?
5. Have you made good transitions between sentences and between paragraphs?
6. Check your vocabulary. Is it clear and concise or have you used words you don’t really understand? 40

41. Create workable transitions
Try not to use standard transitional phrases such as “secondly” or as “a consequence”
Try repeating the prior thought and connecting to the next task. For example: Once I learned how to make my own basic product, I quickly developed more innovative products….

42. Transitions Furthermore Moreover Additionally Also In addition
Therefore
Thus
Consequently
As a result
In contrast
On the other hand
However

43. Guideline Questions for writing an effective Study Objective
How did you become interested in this field?
What kind of activities or experiences have contributed toward your preparation for and understanding of this field.
What will be your contribution to the field of study, or to your organization you work for?
What attracts you most about the institution you are applying to and why are you match for their program?

44. RESEARCH PROPOSAL Three big questions????
What research project will you undertake?
Why is it important for you to know that thing?
Why is it important for other people to know?
How will you proceed to make that research?

45. RESEARCH PROPOSAL Introduction
Research Paradigm: conceptual foundation, assumptions
Research Method
Bibliography

46. Highlights on Grammar Tips
Most common issues in the essays:
Subject-Verb Agreement
Tenses
Singular/ Plural
Articles
Prepositions
Choice of words

47. Subject-Verb Agreement
Singular / Plural Subject Verb?
Example: (simple present)
My professor handle the laboratory work…X (incorrect)
My professor handles the laboratory ….
Pertamina and PLN is undergoing major changes………X (incorrect)
Pertamina and PLN are undergoing major changes………

48. Tenses Simple present: routine activities, facts
Past tense: past events
Present perfect: past events with current effect or at an unspecified time;
Future tense: future plans, intentions

49. Plural or singular Toyota manufactures cars.
Many banks were liquidated during the crisis.
One of the reasons for this decline is…..
The professor needs an assistant to help in the laboratory.

50. Articles The appropriate use of “the” and “a” or “an”
“I graduated from School of Architecture and Regional Planning…..” X
“I graduated from the School of Architecture and Regional Planning…..”
I believe that there is possibility…X
I believe that there is a possibility….

51. Prepositions In October In 2006 In the afternoon In summer
On 10th October
At PM
On Wednesday
In Depok

52. Exercise How did you become interested in this field?
What kind of activities or experiences have contributed toward your preparation for and understanding of this field.
What will be your contribution to the field of study, or to your organization you work for?
What attracts you most about the institution you are applying to and why are you match for their program?