1. Chapter 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management
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2. Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict
Definition of interpersonal conflict
Occurs when people are interdependent
Mutually aware of incompatible goals
See each other as interfering with achieving goals
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3. Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
Myths about interpersonal conflict
Conflict is best avoided
Conflict is a sign of a troubled relationship
Conflict damages a relationship
Conflict is destructive because it reveals our bad sides
In conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser
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4. Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
Interpersonal conflict issues
Intimacy
Power
Personal flaws
Personal distance
Social
Distrust
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5. Principles of Interpersonal Conflict
Conflict is inevitable
Conflict can have negative and positive effects
Negative effects
Leads to bad feelings
You close yourself off
Increases costs
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6. Principles of Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
Negative and positive effects (cont.)
Positive effects
Resolves problems
Improves relationships
Demonstrates commitment to relationship
Conflict can focus on content and/or relationship issues
Relationship conflicts – equity and power
Relationship conflicts hide as content conflicts
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7. Principles of Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
Conflict styles have consequences
Competing – I win, you lose
Avoiding – I lose, you lose
Accommodating – I lose, you win
Collaborating – I win, you win
Compromising – I win and lose; you win and lose
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8. Principles of Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
Conflict is influenced by culture
Topics
High context cultures fight about violations of group norms
Low context cultures fight about violations of personal norms
Nature of conflict
Conflict strategies
Organizational norms
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9. Conflict Management Stages
Set the stage
Fight in private
Be sure you both are ready to fight
Know what you’re fighting about
Fight about things that can be solved
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10. Conflict Management Stages (cont.)
Define the conflict
Define both content and relationship issues
Define the problem in specific terms
Focus on the present; avoid gunnysacking
Empathize
Avoid mind reading
Examine possible solutions
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11. Conflict Management Stages (cont.)
Test the solution
Evaluate the solution
Fact hat
Feeling hat
Negative argument hat
Positive benefit hat
Creative new idea hat
Control of thinking hat
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12. Conflict Management Stages (cont.)
Accept or reject the solution
Wrap it up
Learn from the process
Don’t let the conflict overtake your relationship
Increase cherishing behaviors
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13. Conflict Management Strategies
Factors that influence your choice of strategy
Goals
Emotional state
Cognitive assessment of what’s fair and who caused the conflict
Personality and communication competence
Family history
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14. Conflict Management Strategies (cont.)
Win-lose and win-win strategies
Avoidance of conflict and active fight strategies
Avoidance
Physical
Emotional or cognitive
Demand withdrawal
Non-negotiation
Silencers
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15. Conflict Management Strategies (cont.)
Force and talk strategies
Force
Physically force your position on the other
Emotionally force your position on the other
Talk strategies
Act the role of listener
Express support and empathy
State thoughts and feelings
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16. Conflict Management Strategies (cont.)
Face-attacking and face-enhancing strategies: Politeness in conflict
Face-attacking – criticizing someone or making demands
Face-enhancing – support or confirm someone
Destructive behaviors
Beltlining
Blaming
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17. Conflict Management Strategies (cont.)
Verbal aggressiveness and argumentativeness strategies
Aggressiveness
Unproductive
Trying to win at the other’s expense
disconfirming
Argumentativeness
Should be cultivated
Argue your point of view
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18. Conflict Management Strategies (cont.)
Argumentativeness strategies (cont.)
Cultivating argumentativeness
Be objective
Avoid attacking the other person
Reaffirm the other’s competence
Avoid interrupting
Stress equality
Express interest in the other’s viewpoint
Avoid being overly emotional
Allow the other to save face
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