1. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Chapter 15 Socioemotional Development in Early Adulthood

2. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. “Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.” -Voltaire French Essayist, 18 th Century

3. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Learning Goals 1.Describe continuity and discontinuity in temperament and attachment from childhood to adulthood. 2.Identify some key aspects of attraction, love, and close relationships. 3.Discuss marriage and the family. 4.Explain the diversity of lifestyles. 5.Characterize the role of gender in relationships.

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6. Temperament Activity Level Adjustment Inhibition Emotionality

7. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Activity Level In one longitudinal study, children who were highly active at age 4 were likely to be very outgoing at 23, demonstrating continuity. From adolescence into early adulthood, most individuals show fewer emotional mood swings, become more responsible, and engage in less risk-taking behavior, which reflects discontinuity.

8. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Adjustment In one longitudinal study, children who had an easy temperament at age 3-5 were likely to be well-adjusted as young adults. Children who had a difficult temperament at age 3-5 were often not well-adjusted as young adults. Boys with a difficult temperament in childhood were found to be less likely as adults to continue their formal education. Girls with a difficult temperament in childhood were found to experience more marital conflict.

9. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Inhibition Individuals with an inhibited temperament in childhood are less likely as adults to be assertive, experience social support, and to delay in entering a stable job track.

10. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Emotionality In one longitudinal study, when 3-year-olds showed good control of their emotions and were resilient in the face of stress, they were likely to continue to handle emotions effectively as adults. When 3-year-olds had low emotional control and were not very resilient, they were likely to show problems in these areas as young adults.

11. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Attachment Securely Attached Insecure-Dismissing Insecure-Preoccupied Attachment and Romantic Relationships

12. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Securely Attached About 50-60% of adults are securely attached. These individuals provide realistic, coherent descriptions of their childhood and appear to understand how past experiences affect their current lives as adults.

13. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Insecure-Dismissing Approximately 25-30% of adults fall into this category of attachment. They don’t want to discuss their relationships with their parents or do not seem invested in them. Their memories often focus on negative experiences, such as being rejected or neglected.

14. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Insecure-Preoccupied Approximately 15% of adults fall into this category of attachment. They readily talk about their relationships but they tend to be incoherent and disorganized. They appear to be unable to move beyond their childhood issues with parents and often express anger toward them or ongoing efforts to please them.

15. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Attachment and Romantic Relationships Romantic partners fulfill some of the same needs for adults as parents do for children. Adults count on romantic partners to be a secure base to which they can return and obtain comfort and security in stressful times. Studies show a link between the quality of childhood attachment relationships and the quality of adult romantic relationships.

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17. Attraction Familiarity and Similarity Physical Attraction

18. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Familiarity and Similarity Familiarity is a condition that is necessary for a close relationship to develop. We like to associate with people similar to us. We tend to have similar: –attitudes – behavior –clothes – characteristics –intelligence – personality –values – lifestyles This phenomenon can be explained by consensual validation.

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20. Consensual Validation Consensual validation provides an explanation of why people are attracted to others who are similar to them. Our own attitudes and behavior are supported when someone else’s attitudes and behavior are similar to ours. Similarity implies that we will enjoy doing the same things with the other person.

21. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Physical Attraction Men and women across many cultures differ on the importance they place on good looks when they seek an intimate partner. Women tend to rate considerateness, honesty, dependability, kindness, and understanding as most important. Men tend to prefer good looks, cooking skills, and frugality. The force of similarity operates at a physical level, as explained by the matching hypothesis.

22. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Matching Hypothesis The matching hypothesis states that while we may prefer a more attractive person in the abstract, in the real world we end up choosing someone who is close to our own level of attractiveness.

23. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Faces of Love Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy Versus Isolation Intimacy and Independence

24. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Intimacy Versus Isolation Erikson believes that intimacy should come after individuals are well on their way to establishing stable and successful identities. Erikson describes intimacy as finding oneself yet losing oneself in another person. If intimacy is not developed in early adulthood, the individual may be left with what Erikson calls isolation.

25. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Repercussions of Isolation An inability to develop meaningful relationships with others can harm an individual’s personality. It may lead individuals to repudiate, ignore, or attack those who frustrate them. Such circumstances account for the shallow, pathetic attempts of youth to merge themselves with a leader. Eventually, Erikson believes, this will lead the individuals to recoil into a self-search to discover where they went wrong. This often results in a painful depression and further isolation.

26. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Intimacy and Independence The early adult years are a time when individuals usually develop an intimate relationship with another individual. At the same time that young adults are attempting to commit to another person romantically, they are demonstrating a strong interest in independence and freedom, something which has important implications for early adulthood maturity. Development in early adulthood often involves an intricate balance of intimacy and independence.

27. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Romantic Love Also called passionate love or Eros. It has strong components of sexuality and infatuation, and it often predominates in the early part of a love relationship. In our culture, romantic love is the main reason we get married. Romantic love is what we mean when we say that we are “in love.” Romantic love involves a complex intermingling of different emotions.

28. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Affectionate Love Affectionate love, also called companionate love, is the type of love that occurs when individuals desire to have the other person near and have a deep, caring affection for the person. As love matures, passion gives way to affection. With time, sexual attraction wanes, attachment anxieties either lessen or produce conflict and withdrawal, novelty is replaced with familiarity, and lovers either find themselves securely attached or distressed.

29. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Consummate Love Robert J. Sternberg described a third type of love: consummate love. Consummate love is the strongest, fullest type of love. His triangular theory of love states that love includes three types—passion, intimacy, and commitment. Couples must experience all three to have consummate love.

30. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Friendship What Is Friendship? Female, Male, and Female-Male Friendships

31. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. What Is Friendship? Qualities of Friendships Functions of Friendships

32. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Qualities of Friendships Enjoyment Acceptance Trust Respect Mutual Assistance Confiding Understanding Spontaneity

33. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Functions of Friendships Companionship Intimacy Affection Support Source of Self-Esteem Buffer from Stress Source of Emotional Support

34. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Female, Male, and Female- Male Friendship Women have more close friends and their friendships are more intimate. Adult male friendships are more competitive. Female friends tend to spend time talking. Male friends spend time engaged in activities. Male friends’ talk is more distant, less intimate. Cross-sex friendships can provide both opportunities and problems. Men are more likely to try to turn a platonic relationship into a sexual one.

35. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Loneliness Loneliness and Life’s Transitions Loneliness and Technology Strategies for Reducing Loneliness

36. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Loneliness Among the reasons loneliness is common today are: –society’s emphasis on self-fulfillment and achievement –the importance we attach to commitment in relationships –a decline in stable, close relationships Married individuals experience less loneliness.

37. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Loneliness and Life’s Transitions Loneliness is extremely common among college freshmen. Students who were optimistic and had the highest self-esteem were more likely to overcome their loneliness by the end of their freshman year. It is important to distinguish chronic loneliness from the desire of some people to have some time to themselves.

38. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Loneliness and Technology Technology may be contributing to the incidence of loneliness in contemporary society. Because most people isolate themselves when using the Internet, it may contribute to disengagement. However, for socially anxious and lonely individuals, the Internet may provide a safe way to begin contacts that eventually lead to face-to-face meetings and possibly even intimate relationships.

39. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Strategies for Reducing Loneliness Participate in activities that you can do with others. Be aware of the early warning signs of loneliness. Draw a diagram of your social network. Engage in positive behaviors when you meet new people. See a counselor or read a book on loneliness.

40. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Marriage and the Family The Family Life Cycle Marriage Parental Roles

41. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Family Life Cycle Leaving Home and Becoming a Single Adult The New Couple Becoming Parents and a Family with Children The Family with Adolescents The Family at Midlife The Family in Later Life

42. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Leaving Home and Becoming a Single Adult This is the first stage in the family life cycle and involves launching – the process in which youths move into adulthood and exit their family of origin. Adequate completion of launching requires separating from the family without cutting off ties completely or fleeing in a reactive way to find some form of substitute emotional refuge. It is a time for young people to sort out emotionally what they will take from the family of origin, what they will leave behind, and what they will make themselves into.

43. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The New Couple This is the second stage in the family life cycle, in which two individuals from separate families of origin unite to form a new family system. This involves both the development of the marital system and the realignment with extended families and friends to include the spouse. Marriage is actually not only the union of two individuals but the union of two entire family systems and the development of a new system.

44. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Becoming Parents This is the third stage in the family life cycle, and entering this stage requires that adults now move up a generation and become caregivers to the younger generation. Success in this stage requires a commitment of time as a parent, understanding the roles of parents, and adapting to developmental changes in children. Problems arise when a couple struggles with each other about taking responsibility, as well as refusal or inability to function as competent parents.

45. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Family with Adolescents This represents the fourth stage of the family life cycle. Adolescence is a period of development in which individuals push for autonomy and seek to develop their own identity. Parents tend to adopt one of two strategies: –they clamp down and put more pressure on the adolescent to conform to parental values –they become more permissive and let the adolescent have extensive freedom Neither is a wise overall strategy.

46. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Family at Midlife This is the fifth stage in the family life cycle, and it is a time of: –launching children –playing an important role in linking generations –adapting to midlife changes in development Because of the lower birth rate and longer life of most adults, parents now launch their children about 20 years before retirement. This frees many midlife parents to pursue other activities.

47. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Family in Later Life This is the sixth and final stage in the family life cycle. Retirement alters a couple’s lifestyle, requiring adaptation. Grandparenting also characterizes many families in this stage.

48. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Marriage Marital Trends Marital Expectations and Myths What Makes Marriages Work? The Benefits of a Good Marriage Gender and Emotion in Marriage

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50. Marital Trends More adults are remaining single longer today. The average duration of a marriage in the U.S. is currently just over 9 years. Americans still show a strong predilection for marriage as, in 1998, 60% of the total population reported being married. The divorce rate has begun to slow down, although it still remains high.

51. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Marital Trends (cont.) In a recent national survey, young adults identified what was important for a marriage to be emotionally deep and communicative: –94% of never married singles said that when you marry you want your spouse to be your soul mate. –Majority indicated it is unwise for a woman to marry for financial security. –More than 80% of women said it is more important for their husband to communicate his deepest feelings than to make a good living. –86% reported that marriage is hard work and a full-time job.

52. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Marital Expectations In one study, unhappily married couples expressed unrealistic expectations about marriage. Researchers have found that unrealistic expectations are linked with lower levels of marital satisfaction. A myth is a widely held belief unsupported by facts.

53. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Myths about Marriage Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage. Affairs are the main cause of divorce. Men are not biologically made for marriage. Men and women are from different planets.

54. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. What Makes Marriages Work? Establishing Love Maps Nurturing Fondness and Admiration Turning Toward Each Other Instead of Away Letting Your Partner Influence You Solving Solvable Conflicts Overcoming Gridlock Creating Shared Meaning

55. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Benefits of a Good Marriage An unhappy marriage increases an individual’s risk of getting sick by approximately one-third. An unhappy marriage can even shorten a person’s life by an average of 4 years. People in happy marriages feel less physically and emotionally stressed. This can prevent numerous physical and psychological ailments.

56. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Gender and Emotion in Marriage Wives consistently disclose more to their partners than husbands do. Women tend to express more tenderness, fear, and sadness than their partners. Women complain that their husbands don’t care about their emotional lives and do not express their own feelings and thoughts. Men respond that they don’t know what their wives want from them, and that no amount of talking is ever enough for their wives. Women also want more warmth and openness.

57. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Parental Roles Parenting consists of a number of interpersonal skills and emotional demands, yet there is little in the way of formal education for this task. Most parents learn parenting practices from their own parents. When methods of parenting are passed on from one generation to the next, both desirable and undesirable practices are perpetuated.

58. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Parenting Myths The birth of a child will save a failing marriage. The child will think, feel, and behave like the parents did Parents can expect respect and get obedience from children A child means that the parents will always have someone who loves them. A child gives parents a “second chance” to achieve what they should have achieved. Parents can mold their children into what they want. It’s the parents’ fault when children fail. Mothers are naturally better parents than fathers. Parenting is an instinct and requires no training.

59. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Trends in Child Rearing There is a current tendency to have fewer children. Due to their interest in career development, women are having children later in life. As a result of the increase in working women, there is less maternal investment in children’s development. Men are now more apt to invest a greater amount of time in fathering. Parental care in the home is often supplemented by institutional care.

60. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Career Achievement and Children A recent book, Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children surveyed 1,186 high achieving women: –33% were childless at age 40 –42% working in corporations were childless –49% of ultraachievers ($100K+) were childless –25% of high achievers (age 41-55) wanted to have children –No high achiever had a first child after age 39 and no ultraachiever had one after age 36.

61. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. The Diversity of Adult Lifestyles Single Adults Cohabiting Adults Divorced Adults Remarried Adults Gay and Lesbian Adults

62. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Single Adults There has been a dramatic rise in the number of single adults. Problems of single life may include confronting loneliness and finding a niche in a society that is marriage-oriented. Advantages include pursuing one’s own schedule and interests. Once we reach the age of 30 there may be increasing pressure to settle down and get married. This is the time when many single adults make a conscious decision to marry or remain single.

63. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Cohabiting Adults Cohabiting refers to living together in a sexual relationship without being married. There has been a significant increase in both the number of adults who cohabit and the acceptance of what was once unconventional. Many couples view their cohabitation not as a precursor to marriage, but as an ongoing lifestyle. Cohabitation relationships tend to be more equal than marital relationships Researchers have found conflicting results about whether or not cohabitation leads to greater marital happiness and success.

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65. Divorced Adults While divorce has increased for all SES groups, those in disadvantaged groups have a higher incidence of divorce. One study showed that half of women who were pregnant before marriage failed to live with the husband for more than 5 years. Divorce usually takes place early in a marriage, peaking in the 5th to 10th years of marriage.

66. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Consequences of Divorce Both divorced men and women complain about loneliness, diminished self-esteem, and anxiety. The stress of separation and divorce places both men and women at risk for psychological and physical difficulties. They have higher rates of psychiatric disorders, admission to psychiatric hospitals, clinical depression, alcoholism, and psychosomatic problems. Women experience a significant decline in income following a divorce.

67. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Hetherington’s Six Common Paths Out of Divorce The enhancers The good enoughs The seekers The libertines The competent lovers The defeated

68. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Hetherington’s Strategies for Divorced Adults Look at divorce as an opportunity for personal growth and more fulfilling relationships Think carefully about the decisions you make Focus more on the future than the past Capitalize on your strengths Don’t expect to be successful and happy in everything you do Remember that you are never trapped by one pathway.

69. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Remarried Adults On average, divorced adults remarry within 4 years after their divorce, with men doing so sooner. Regardless of their form and size, newly reconstituted families face some unique tasks. Couples must define and strengthen their marriage while at the same time renegotiate the parent-child relationships (both biological and stepparent/child). Due to the difficulties, only one-third of stepfamily couples stay married.

70. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Gay and Lesbian Adults Research has shown gay and lesbian relationships are similar to heterosexual relationships in their satisfactions, loves, joys, and conflicts. Lesbian couples especially place a high priority on equality in their relationships. The order of frequency of conflict in gay and lesbian relationships is: finances, driving style, affection and sex, being overly critical, and household tasks.

71. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Misconceptions One partner is masculine and the other is feminine. Homosexual couples engage in exceptionally high levels of sexual activity. Homosexual couples don’t get involved in long-term relationships. Gay and lesbian families are damaging to children raised in them.

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73. Women’s Development Women often try to interact with others in ways that will foster the other person’s development along many dimensions. Experts believe it is important for women to not only maintain their competency in relationships but to be self-motivated. Through increased self-determination, coupled with relationship skills, many women will gain greater power in the American culture. Competent relationships are believed to involve both a separateness and an emotional connection.

74. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Talk Between Women and Men Deborah Tannen distinguishes between rapport talk and report talk. Rapport talk - the language of conversation and a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. Report talk - public speaking, which men feel more comfortable doing. Men learn to use talking as a way of getting and keeping attention. Women enjoy private speaking.

75. Copyright © The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Permission required for reproduction or display. Men’s Development According to Joseph Pleck’s role-strain view, male roles are contradictory and inconsistent. Men not only experience stress when they violate men’s roles, they are harmed when they follow them. Areas where men’s roles can cause considerable strain: –Health –Male-female relationships –Male-male relationships