1. Making Peace with Our Feelings Sept 24, 2011 © Erica P. SERENITY WITH A FULL RANGE OF EMOTIONS

2. Background Priming What have we been taught ABOUT our feelings? In what ways were we taught that having feelings or that expressing our feelings was not OK?

3. What We Learned

4. Be quiet or I’ll give you something to cry about Go to your room You shouldn’t feel that way Stop being melodramatic/irrational You’re embarrassing me You’re embarrassing yourself Many of us had lived our lives up to this point with a secret feeling of shame. We carried deep in our hearts the feeling that we were worthless or insignificant. –p. 29, OA 12 & 12

5. What Feelings Have Given Us Trouble?

6. Resentment Anger Hurt Threatened Sore ‘burned up’ Fear Remorse Self-blame Bitter Futility Unhappiness Selfishness Dishonesty Self-seeking Frightened Inconsiderate Jealous Suspicious Prideful The above feelings are mentioned in the Big Book, are there others that have caused problems?

7. From the ‘Big Book’ Resentment is the “number one” offender. …from it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. P. 64 Have we been fully aware of our resentments or do they come into our awareness only when we are ready to deal with them?

8. Repression, Suppression, Obsession HOW HAVE WE MANAGED OUR FEELINGS IN THE PAST?

9. Using Food to Smother Our Feelings

10. Anxious Jittery Bored Driven Sad Excited Angry Self-Pitying Afraid Overconfident Zoned out Numb Glazed Unconscious Buzzed High Agitated Sedated Emotion before abusing food Emotion during abusing food Emotion after abusing food Embarrassed Shameful Numb Forgetful Passed Out Unfocused Scattered

11. Is this serenity??? “What’s the use of abstaining if I’m just going to hurt?” we asked. “If this is recovery, I don’t want it!” Clearly if we were going to remain abstinent and find serenity, we had to learn better ways of dealing with other people, ways that would bring us joy instead of pain. –p. 67, OA 12 & 12

12. Our Inner Truth of the Moment WHAT ARE OUR FEELINGS REALLY TELLING US?

13. Just What Do We Mean by “Serenity”?

14. … drawing to us all the things we once fought so hard to attain: self-esteem, a feeling of usefulness, joy, strength to surmount difficulties, fellowship and love. –p. 66

15. What ELSE Do We Hunger For?

16. To love To be loved To be seen To be heard To express ourselves To express creativity To matter To learn To grow To trust To feel connected To belong To make a difference To fulfill our purpose To feel connected to the greater whole To know God To please God What else?

17. To accurately interpret our feelings without judgment and then do the next right thing. PRACTICING THE WILLINGNESS TO FEEL AND TO LET IT BE OK

18. Serenity comes with the realization that… Feelings are a priceless gift if we embrace them instead of regarding them as enemies. We can accept our feelings – they won’t destroy us. We are never alone. There’s nothing we can do to separate ourselves from our Higher Power. We can think we’re alone, but that doesn’t make it so. Acceptance is the key to all our problems today. P. 417 … we must adopt a new and unfamiliar way of thinking and acting on life. From now on, we let go of our preconceived notions about what is right for us. When faced with choices, we earnestly seek guidance from our Higher Power, and when that guidance comes, we act on it. –p. 19, OA 12 & 12

19. How We Manage Our Feelings in Abstinence

20. How we manage our feelings in abstinence Spot check inventory Quiet reflection Awareness of true motives/emotions Pray about our feelings to bring our will into alignment with God’s will Writing letters to God Feelings journal Put concerns in a God can or jar Meditation Call our sponsor The key is that we’ve stopped worrying, taken an action, and turned our problems over to our Higher Power. Our energies are no longer bound up in our worries and resentments and we are free to move forward again, to do God’s will. –p. 95 OA 12 & 12 What else?

21. Emotional Freedom Look at our feelings to learn about our inner truth, our concerns, our spiritual hungers In being with our feelings, we draw on the wisdom of our hearts and our HP Knowing our pain leads us to comfort Knowing our anger leads us to greater effectiveness Feelings hold the clues to greater fulfillment Give yourself permission to feel – it’s part of self-care. Responding appropriately takes practice.

22. The (Happy) End(ing) Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself. -Rita Mae Brown