1. Global Revision Unity Coherence Emphasis

2. Writing Prompt Take the next five minutes and write about the following: What would you like your life to be like five years from now in the year 2016? What steps are you taking to make this happen?

3. Revision What does revision mean?  To See Again Where does revision take place in the Writing Process?  After drafting and before editing Why is revision so important?  We learn to write by rewriting. Revision gives us the opportunity to construct the “perfect” piece of communication Why do we call it “global” Revision?  We are looking at the “big picture” of the paper

4. Unity Unity refers to each part of the essay and the larger whole An unified paper shows a clear relationship between the thesis statement and topic sentences, and between the topic sentences and supporting sentences in the paragraph. An entire paper focused on supporting a central point is a unified paper.

5. Unity How do we check for unity? Read over each of the topic sentences (the main idea and usually first sentence in the paragraph) and see if the topic sentences support or amplify the thesis statement. Also check the “internal unity” of the paper. In each paragraph, do the supporting sentences or detail sentences relate back to the topic sentence?

6. Unity A unified essay will have all the elements of an essay including: 1. Introduction paragraph with a thesis statement 2. Body paragraphs with topic sentences connected back to the thesis statement 3. A conclusion paragraph connected back to the thesis statement

7. Introduction Paragraphs Coherent introduction paragraphs typically use the following model: 1. Begin with an “attention grabber” first sentence 2. Explain the question or topic being explored 3. Provide background information 4. Use a clear thesis statement to give your readers an overview of your paper

8. Unity

9. Unity To check the unity of a longer paper, try using a post- paper outline: 1. Look over the essay and count up the number of paragraphs 2. On a separate sheet of paper, make a numbered list that corresponds to the number of paragraphs in the essay 3. Read each paragraph and write down the main idea of the paragraph in one or two words next to the corresponding number on the list 4. After the list is complete, check for repetition of ideas or places where paragraphs can be moved/eliminated 5. Check to make sure the topic sentences support the thesis statement, revise accordingly 6. Check to see if the topic sentence matches with the main idea on the list. If not, revise accordingly

10. Coherence Coherence in writing is the clear relationship between one sentence and the next. Each sentence should lead to the next sentence. Coherence is achieved through the logical ordering of the sentences within the paragraphs and through the creation of smooth transitions between the sentences and paragraphs.

11. Coherence Ask yourself… 1.Does this point unmistakably follow from the previous idea? 2. Is this point really clear? 3. Should the ideas be ordered in a different way?

12. Old New Contract An effective way to create coherence in your writing is to follow something called the old/new contract. This “contract” asks that as a writer you begin your sentences with something old—something that links to what was previously stated—and then to end with something new. Adapted from the following book: Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

13. Old New Contract How do you connect old ideas to new ideas? 1. Repeat a key word 2. Use a pronoun to substitute for a key word 3. Summarize or restate an earlier concept.

14. Old New Contract Which sentence follows the old/new contract? Remember, this means that old information is followed by new information. 1.College students have many responsibilities. These responsibilities include attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA, all of which are characteristics of successful students. 2. College students have many responsibilities. Attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA are characteristics of successful students.

15. Old New Contract Which sentence follows the old/new contract? Remember, this means that old information is followed by new information. 1.College students have many responsibilities. These responsibilities include attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA, all of which are characteristics of successful students. 2. College students have many responsibilities. Attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA are characteristics of successful students.

16. Old New Contract Exercise: Compare the two sample paragraphs. 1.Which paragraph is easier to understand? 2.Which paragraph follows the old/new contract? 3.Underline the key words, pronouns, or restatements of earlier concepts in the paragraph that follows the old/new contract.

17. Old New Contract Old/New Contract: Version Two Another principle for writing coherent essays is the old/new contract. The old/new contract asks writers to begin sentences with something old—something that links to what has gone on before—and then ending your sentences with new information that advances your argument is what the old/new contract asks writers to do. This principle creates an effect called coherence, which is closely related to unity. Whereas unity refers to the clear relationship between the body of a paragraph and its topic sentence and between the parts and the whole, coherence refers to the clear relationship between one sentence and the next, between part and part. Adapted from the following book: Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

18. Old/New Contract: Version one An often-overlooked dimension of being a good father is play. From their children’s birth through adolescence, fathers tend to emphasize play more than caretaking. This may be troubling to egalitarian feminists, and it would indeed be wise for most fathers to spend more time caretaking. Yet in addition to caretaking, the father’s style of play seems to have unusual significance. It is likely to be both physically stimulating and exciting. Being physically stimulating and exciting involves more teamwork that requires the competitive testing of physical and mental skills with older children. This form of play frequently resembles an apprenticeship or teaching relationship: Come on, let me show you how. Adapted from the following book: Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

19. Checklist for Structural Revision __ Are there clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs? __Does the introduction provide enough background for the reader? __Is there a clear thesis statement? __Is the essay unified? Do the topic sentences support the thesis statement? Do the detail sentences support the topic sentence? __Is the essay coherent? Do the sentences in the paragraph follow the old/new contract?

20. Sources Fawcett, Susan and Alvin Sandberg. Grassroots with Readings. New York: Houghton Mifflin 1998. Print. Neman, Beth. Teaching Students to Write. New York: Oxford Press, 1980. Print. Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.