2. The Olympian Gods (again) A smith, a lovely lady, and a lush.

3. Hephaestus/Vulcan Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy? Hephaestus had none. Hephaestus had none. Hera conceived him to spite Zeus Hera conceived him to spite Zeus Some versions: retaliation for having Athena by himself Some versions: retaliation for having Athena by himself Not pretty-- in fact, crippled Not pretty-- in fact, crippled Ugly dude from the get go Ugly dude from the get go Crippled from Hera’s rejection or Zeus gave him a toss after a squabble Crippled from Hera’s rejection or Zeus gave him a toss after a squabble Hey, you’d limp too if you were tossed of Mt. Olympus!

4. The ugly man finds a home… After he fell, he was rescued and raised secretly for 9 years in a cave. After he fell, he was rescued and raised secretly for 9 years in a cave. Learned a few skills in the forge Learned a few skills in the forge Spite mommy: made a beautiful thrown of gold Spite mommy: made a beautiful thrown of gold She loved it and sat down. She loved it and sat down. Curses! A trap! No one could help her get free Curses! A trap! No one could help her get free Hephaestus invited to Olympus where the gods tried to get the answer by getting him drunk. Only Dionysus could get the answer from him. Hephaestus invited to Olympus where the gods tried to get the answer by getting him drunk. Only Dionysus could get the answer from him. Invited to stay at Olympus and eventually reconciled with Mommy-dear Invited to stay at Olympus and eventually reconciled with Mommy-dear

5. A Handyman God of fire, the forge, and smiths God of fire, the forge, and smiths Office located in volcanoes, god of volcanoes Office located in volcanoes, god of volcanoes Vulcan, volcanic, get it? Vulcan, volcanic, get it? The original Cyclopes become assistants The original Cyclopes become assistants Nothing he can’t build! Nothing he can’t build! Chains for Prometheus, arrows for Apollo and Artemis, armor, all the houses on Olympus, Shield of Achilles (Thetis raised Hephy and birthed Achilles). Chains for Prometheus, arrows for Apollo and Artemis, armor, all the houses on Olympus, Shield of Achilles (Thetis raised Hephy and birthed Achilles).

6. A gentle man… Tried to bring peace during quarrels Tried to bring peace during quarrels Once refilled everyone’s cup during a dinner argument; the sight of the hobbling, ugly god made everyone laugh and forget the argument Once refilled everyone’s cup during a dinner argument; the sight of the hobbling, ugly god made everyone laugh and forget the argument People of Athens loved him: peaceful, kind, patron of craftsmen. People of Athens loved him: peaceful, kind, patron of craftsmen. Hephaestion: a temple in Athens dedicated to him Hephaestion: a temple in Athens dedicated to him A peaceful man who did get angry from time to time… A peaceful man who did get angry from time to time…

7. Aphrodite,Venus, Cyprian, Bridal Aphrodite, Aphrodite of the Deep Sea, Heavenly Aphrodite (Insert your favorite name for an attractive lady here) Sometimes born in foam of Uranus’s, umm, well, ah, er, yeah, you remember that story. Sometimes born in foam of Uranus’s, umm, well, ah, er, yeah, you remember that story. Other times, Zeus conceived her with Dione, an Oceanid Other times, Zeus conceived her with Dione, an Oceanid Floated to shore in a shell, landed in Cyprus where flowers sprouted wherever she stepped. Floated to shore in a shell, landed in Cyprus where flowers sprouted wherever she stepped.

9. Aphrodite: unknown name origin, but may mean “foam-born” Beautiful, sexy, had the power to make people fall in love (even gods, except…) Beautiful, sexy, had the power to make people fall in love (even gods, except…) Weapon of choice: a magic girdle Weapon of choice: a magic girdle Anyone wearing it will be irresistible to everyone who sees the person.Anyone wearing it will be irresistible to everyone who sees the person. Once lent it to Hera to recapture her man!Once lent it to Hera to recapture her man! Enjoyed helping mortals obtain their beloved, and enjoyed making gods squabble over affairs. Enjoyed helping mortals obtain their beloved, and enjoyed making gods squabble over affairs.

10. She took home a lot of senior superlatives Goddess of love, sex, reproduction Goddess of love, sex, reproduction Worshipped by: Worshipped by: Brides (to make marriage and wedding bed “good”)Brides (to make marriage and wedding bed “good”) Prostitutes—hey, the oldest profession!Prostitutes—hey, the oldest profession! Poets (they love to write about love)Poets (they love to write about love) Just about everyone: love makes the world go ‘round!Just about everyone: love makes the world go ‘round!

11. “Erotic” comes from the name “Eros” “Erotic” comes from the name “Eros” Eros had a very popular following Eros had a very popular following Embodies physical desire Embodies physical desire Very popular in homosexual relationships during the classical period of Greece. Very popular in homosexual relationships during the classical period of Greece. In some versions, she had a son, Eros (daddy is Ares). In some versions, she had a son, Eros (daddy is Ares). Other versions, Eros is older than most of the gods. Other versions, Eros is older than most of the gods. Cupid: small, pudgy, darling baby Cupid: small, pudgy, darling baby Eros: a vindictive, malevolent teen whose arrows are full of mischief and even death! (Although sometimes can be a swell guy) Eros: a vindictive, malevolent teen whose arrows are full of mischief and even death! (Although sometimes can be a swell guy) Eros/Cup id

12. As the Myths Turn or All My Gods All My Gods  Aphrodite married Hephaestus: Beauty and the Beast.  Some versions say it was an arranged marriage by Zeus –what kind of a sick and twisted joke is that? –to get revenge from when Aphrodite refused his pick up lines (insert favorite pickup line here)

13.  Aphrodite was really in love with Ares (why him?)  Hephaestus wanted to catch them sleeping in their wedding bed.  Rigged a booby trap  Busted: one naked goddess of love trapped with a naked god of war.  Hephaestus brought the gods back with him to see their naughty behavior  Everyone had a good laugh, except for the two naked, trapped deities.  Then, the mood soured.  Shame on Hephaestus for such a lowly trap!

15. Dionysus, Bacchus, Twice Born, Acratophorus (Bringer of Unmixed Wine), Nocturnal, Torch-bearing, Citizen Dionysus Only Olympian to have a mortal mother. Only Olympian to have a mortal mother. Zeus promised Semele (mom) anything, made that pesky oath. Zeus promised Semele (mom) anything, made that pesky oath. She wanted to see him in full glory. She wanted to see him in full glory. Not a good idea: she died instantly. Not a good idea: she died instantly. Zeus took unborn baby and put in his his thigh Zeus took unborn baby and put in his his thigh Don’t ask me how that worked! Who needs detail anyway? Don’t ask me how that worked! Who needs detail anyway? After being born (don’t ask how that worked either), Hermes rescued him (Jealous Hera) and took him to be raised by nymphs (young, scantily clad women) After being born (don’t ask how that worked either), Hermes rescued him (Jealous Hera) and took him to be raised by nymphs (young, scantily clad women)

16. Dionysus missed his mom, asked Hades for her back. Dionysus missed his mom, asked Hades for her back. He agreed. Semele and Dionysus went to live on Olympus He agreed. Semele and Dionysus went to live on Olympus Hera became upset (go figure) and made Dionysus, his mom and the nymphs who raised him go insane with madness. Hera became upset (go figure) and made Dionysus, his mom and the nymphs who raised him go insane with madness. Hera relented eventually Hera relented eventually Dionysus became: Dionysus became: God of madness God of wine God of parties God of the vine/ivy God of vegetation A very popular god

17. Followers of Dionysus: Pan and other Satyrs (aka: Fauns) Pan and other Satyrs (aka: Fauns) Half human, half goat Half human, half goat Ran around woods drinking, playing pipes, dancing, having lots of sex Ran around woods drinking, playing pipes, dancing, having lots of sex Very erotic creatures with all sorts of perverse depictions Very erotic creatures with all sorts of perverse depictions

18. The Maenads/Bacchae: The Maenads/Bacchae: Women followers of Bacchus Women followers of Bacchus Known to dance, sing, drink, and have orgies in honor of Bacchus Known to dance, sing, drink, and have orgies in honor of Bacchus These ceremonies eventually transformed into dramatic plays: rituals to honor Dionysus (first ever theatrical character) These ceremonies eventually transformed into dramatic plays: rituals to honor Dionysus (first ever theatrical character) Mythically, the Bacchae would go “mad” and tear animals and even humans apart with hands and teeth. Mythically, the Bacchae would go “mad” and tear animals and even humans apart with hands and teeth.