1. What is Bullying? It’s repeatedly and purposely hurting someone
with less
power.
What is bullying?
Before we look at some definitions, I’d like to hear what you think bullying is.
(Write comments on large paper)
(Click)
Bullying is deliberate, hurtful behavior.
There is a difference in power between the bully and the target or victim. That difference isn’t always physical – it can be social or emotional. For instance, a child who has few friends or who seems insecure might be targeted by a bully, regardless of size. This power imbalance makes it difficult for those being bullied to defend themselves.
Bullying is also repeated. Young people who are bullied tend to be victimized by their peers not just once, but over and over again over a period of time.

2. It is carried out repeatedly and over time.
Bullying is aggressive behavior or intentional “harm doing” by one person or group
It can be verbal (insults and/or threats)
It can be psychological (spreading rumors and/or shunning the target/victim)
It can be physical (knocking down and/or hitting the target/victim)
It is carried out repeatedly and over time.
The Journal of the American Medical Association and other resources I found agree that bullying has three components:
1 - Bullying is aggressive behavior or intentional “harm doing” by one person or group
It can be verbal (insults and/or threats)
It can be psychological (spreading rumors and/or shunning the target/victim)
It can be physical (knocking down and/or hitting the target/victim)
2 - It is carried out repeatedly and over time.
3 - It is targeted towards someone less powerful.
Among middle school students, bullying behavior most frequently involves teasing and social exclusion, but it can also include physical violence, threats, theft, sexual and racial harassment, public humiliation, and destruction of the targeted student’s property. While bullying behavior in the elementary school is more likely than in older grades to involve physical aggression, it is characterized by teasing, intimidation, and social exclusion, too.

3. It is targeted towards someone less powerful.
Boys are most often overt bullies (i.e., teasing, hitting, or stealing)
Girls are most often covert bullies (i.e., spreading rumors or exclusion)
Physical or psychological intimidation that occurs repeatedly over time
Bullying can be overt (obvious, out in the open) (i.e., teasing, hitting, or stealing); boys are most often overt bullies
Bullying can be covert (hidden, sneaky) (i.e., spreading rumors or exclusion); girls are most often covert bullies

4. Bullying vs. having a conflict
Bullying is not the same thing as a conflict between young people. I’m going to read two examples that show some of these differences.
Jane is new in school and doesn’t have many friends. Today Kate, a popular girl in her class, purposely bumps into Jane, knocking her books and papers to the floor. Kate and her friends laugh and make jokes about Jane while she picks up her books. This isn’t the first time Kate has humiliated Jane.
Jack and Mike are both popular in school. Today in the hallway, Jack bumps into Mike on purpose. He’s angry because Mike made a joke about him in class. Mike pushes Jack and shouts, “What’s your problem?” “My problem is YOU!” Jack shouts, and pushes Mike back. The two end up in a fight.
Which situation would be considered bullying? (The first is bullying – socially, Kate has more power than Jane. Kate is also repeatedly victimizing Jane.)
Even though Mike and Jack didn’t handle their conflict well, it isn’t bullying. Mike and Jack have equal social and physical status. Their fight is over an isolated incident and not repeated harassment.
What’s the difference?

5. Bullying is EVERYONE’S problem.
Children need to feel safe in order to learn.
Solving the problem of bullying is not just a matter of dealing with the bully and the victim. It takes the efforts of parents, students, and school staff to create a positive school climate where all students feel safe and respected—and where bullying is NOT tolerated.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice and the Office of Community Oriented Policing Services, bullying, more than any other school safety problem, affects students’ sense of security. Our attitude used to be that bullying is another “rite of passage” or “relatively harmless behavior that helps build young people’s character. That is NOT true. We now know that bullying has long-lasting harmful effects for both the victim and the bully.
Furthermore, approximately 60% of boys who were characterized as bullies in grades six through nine were convicted of at least one crime by the age of 24 (compared to 23% of boys who were not characterized as bullies) percent of the former bullies had three or more convictions by age 24 (compared to 10% of boys who were neither bullies nor victims in grade 6 thru 9).
Bullying is EVERYONE’S problem.

6. Bullying is just part of being a kid.
FACT: It’s violence.
FACT: It has lasting effects.
FACT: It’s common.
1 – As noted, bullying is a form of violence, and it creates a climate of fear and intimidation in our schools.
2 – It is harmful to victims and to the bullies, and when it is tolerated in schools, all young people feel unsafe.
3 – A recent study found that about 30% of students in the U.S. are involved in bullying – as victims, as bullies, or both. Other studies have found even higher rates.
If 30% of Tuttle’s students are involved in bullying, then that would mean 180 kids.
No community is immune to bullying. Another study found no significant difference in the frequency of bullying between rural, urban, and suburban schools.
Also, while we sometimes tend to think of bullying as something that boys do – girls can be (and are) bullies, too– and they are victims of bullies.

7. Being bullied toughens children up.
FACT: Being bullied can cause
academic problems
1 - There are adults who believe that being bullied helps to prepare children for the “real world”. But the fact is, young people who are bullied at school may come to fear and dislike school. Studies have shown that about 7% of 8th graders (that would translate to 14 Tuttle students) miss at least one day of school each month because of bullying. About 10% of high school dropouts left school because of bullying.
2 – A victim of bullying is often forced to go it alone. That’s because peers tend to avoid victims of bullying, out of fear of being targeted themselves. This leads to loneliness and isolation.
3 – Victims often suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and other mental health problems. These problems can last into adulthood. In some cases, victims may turn to suicide or revenge against their abusers—and those who stood by and watched.
In two-thirds of the school shootings that have taken place during the past few years and that have been studied by the U.S. Secret Service, the shooters felt they had been bullied (threatened, harassed, injured) by others.
social isolation
mental health problems

8. Being a bully has long-term consequences, too.
Bullies are at higher risk for:
academic problems
social isolation
violence and crime
It’s interesting that bullies share many of the same problems faced by those they torment and bully. Increased risk for school failure and dropping out; by high school, they tend to have trouble making friends and hang out mostly with other aggressive teens; are more likely to be involved with smoking, drinking, vandalism, and theft; are more likely to be abusive in their adult relationships.

9. All bullying is physical.
Although when we hear the word “bullying” we tend to think of kicking, hitting, tripping, etc., as noted previously, bullying includes a range of emotional or psychological behaviors, too. In fact, these behaviors can cause as much damage as physical bullying—if not more.
1 – Verbal bullying - threats, extortion, insults about appearance, ethnicity, religion, or other personal characteristics
2 – Less direct actions, such as purposely ignoring or excluding someone, gossiping, spreading rumors, and manipulating relationships.
Remember, all forms of bullying share the same goal: to hurt, humiliate, and isolate the victim. All forms of bullying are harmful.
Sexual harassment is another form of bullying that becomes more common among teens.
Verbal bullying is the most common form of bullying among boys and girls across all age groups. Boys tend to use physical bullying more; girls tend to use relational bullying more.
FACT: Bullying can also be:
verbal
indirect (relational)

10. For the bully, it’s all about
Young people who bully have a need to feel powerful and in control. The lack empathy for other people, and hurting others makes them feel powerful. These kids have learned somewhere along the way that fear and intimidation are the ways to gain respect among their peers.
Some bullies have trouble controlling their impulses. Other may have lots of anger inside about family or other problems, and they take this out on their peers who they see as weaker.
I think you can see that addressing the needs of victims of bullying solves only half the problem. Young people who bully also need help and support to learn positive ways to interact with peers and healthy ways to feel good about themselves and their lives.
We used to think that bullies had low self-esteem and bullied others to feel better about themselves. However, research suggests that bullies actually tend to have inflated self-esteem. Bullies are generally motivated more by the need to feel powerful than the need to feel better about themselves.

13. Anyone can be bullied. passive targets aggressive targets
Being the target of bullying has less to do with external traits, such as wearing glasses or being overweight, than you might think. In reality, it’s internal qualities, such as being shy, insecure, or socially awkward, that can increase a child’s chances of being bullied.
Although any child can be the target of bullying, there are generally two types of targets:
1 – Bullies tend to target peers who have trouble standing up for themselves. This is what gives bullies the sense of power they are after. Passive victims may be anxious and insecure, or physically weaker than the bully. They may have trouble making friends, and this social isolation puts them at higher risk for being bullied.
2 – A smaller population of victims are known as provocative targets. These young people may seek attention or stimulation by purposely provoking bullies. These provocative targets may have low self-esteem and lack social skills. They may be seeking attention from their peers and adults, or they may have a learning disability, such as an attention disorder, and seek excitement and stimulation.
Both of these types can benefit from building their self-esteem and learning assertiveness skills. These skills reduce the chances of any child being bullied.

14. The power of bystanders
Most students (80%) are not actively involved in bullying.
But they play a powerful role as bystanders.
While some bystanders may laugh or cheer on the bully, most stay silent. They don’t join in or do anything to stop the bullying. This group – the silent majority – support bullying by not speaking out against it.
Sadly, bullying depends on this implied approval from peers. The support of even one friend can help protect a target from being hurt by bullying. And bullying behavior actually decreases when peers speak out against it. In fact, empowering and motivating ALL children to speak out against bullying is a key part of reducing the amount of bullying in schools.
The silent majority – people who stand by and watch are just as guilty. They have power to stop it!

15. Check in - Review Bullies target others to feel more powerful.
Bullying has long-term consequences for everyone.
Bullies, targets and bystanders all play a role in bullying.
Read the review points as you click them onto the screen one by one.
Take questions at this point????
In the next section, we will learn about social skills for all young people.

16. Assertiveness standing up for yourself without using violence
respecting the rights of others
Assertiveness strikes a balance between aggressive and passive communication. Bullies are aggressive—they don’t respect the rights of others. Victims of bullies are usually passive—they don’t stand up for themselves.
Assertiveness is a powerful tool for bullying prevention. It provides victims with a way to stand up for themselves and regain their confidence.
It can also empower bystanders to speak out against bullying.
Teaching our young people who to communicate assertively can help them in all kinds of situations—not just a bullying situation. It’s an important skill for resolving conflicts peacefully and resisting peer pressure.

17. Assertive body language
Stand tall.
Body language is at least as important as verbal communication. Practice assertive body language at home with your child.
1—Stand up straight with shoulders back – this displays confidence without threatening the other person.
2—Have your child practice making eye contact when talking to you and others.
3– Speak calmly and firmly – this allows young people to communicate their needs clearly, without threatening the other person. Encourage your child to use an even, firm tone—no yelling or mumbling.
Passive body language?? Walking with head down, avoiding eye contact, speaking in a soft or shaky voice
Aggressive body language? Shout8ing and standing too close
Make eye contact.
Speak firmly.

18. Managing emotions
When young people can understand their own emotions—especially anger—and express them in healthy ways, they are better equipped to handle conflict successfully and nonviolently.
Anger is a natural feeling. But anger can be dangerous when we don’t have the skills to control it.l
Young people who bully often have a lot of anger and lash out at their classmates because they don’t know what else to do.
At the other end of the spectrum, victims of bullying may be reluctant to express anger at all. Keeping anger bottled up can lead to explosive situations, such as victims seeking revenge.

19. Strategies for managing anger
Recognize it.
Calm down.
You can help your child develop healthy ways to manager anger using these 3 steps:
1—Know when you are angry. Help your child recognize the physical signs: clenched fists, tense muscles, rapid breathing
2– Take time to calm down before acting in anger. Help your child find strategies that work for him or her. These could include taking slow, deep breaths, counting to 10, or going outside for a walk. Being able to calm down can give a child the time to think about consequences BEFORE acting in anger.
3—Find healthy, nonviolent ways to express anger. This might include keeping a journal or talking to a trusted friends. Sports and hobbies can also be good outlets.
Find healthy emotional outlets.

20. Resolving conflicts…PEACEFULLY
At Tuttle, our guidance department works with students on conflict resolution skills to help our students solve problems and conflicts.

21. headaches and stomachaches
changes in behavior
avoiding school
drop in grades
missing belongings
headaches and stomachaches
These are some signs to watch for that could indicate that your child is having trouble with a bully.
1 – Suddenly being quiet or depressed, unusually keyed-up and anxious, unexpected mood change or outbursts
2—avoiding school or certain places (such as the bus stop)
3– lose interest in school, grades start to drop
4—asks for more lunch money, comes home with missing belongings, (a bully may be taking his/her things)
5—Some victims may have physical or emotional responses to bullying: headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping, depression
These signs don’t prove that your child is being bullied, but they can be a warning that something is wrong.

22. Two common responses to bullying—and why they don’t work.
“Just ignore it.” (Ignoring a bully may be seen as a passive response, which will invite more bullying)
“Fight back!” (Violence usually leads to more violence, and bullying is no exception. Remember that bullies want to get a reaction out of their victims - so fighting back may only provoke the bully more)
Here are two things parents often tell their children to do that are NOT effective.
1– Telling a child to just ignore bullying denies how serious bullying is, and how difficult it is to overcome. Also, ignoring a bully may be seen as a passive response, which will invite more bullying. It’s best to help your child build the skills and confidence to deal with the bully assertively.
2– Violence usually leads to more violence, and bullying is no exception. Remember that bullies want to get a reaction out of their victims—so fighting back may only provoke the bully more. It’s best to avoid violence and retaliation, and focus on defusing the situation nonviolently.
Fighting is never a good solution and could lead to more problems for the victim of bullying.
Fighting could lead to suspension. Also, since bullies tend to target peers who are physically
weaker than they are, fighting could result in physical harm to the victim.
If you’ve ever given advice like this to your child, don’t worry. This isn’t meant to blame or criticize any parent, but to discuss the most effective ways to help our children overcome bullying.
GIVE HANDOUT “BULLYING—WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?”

23. Advice Stay calm. Be assertive. Get help.
You can teach your child effective, nonviolent ways to stand up to bullies. Start by teaching these basic guidelines:
1—Remember, seeing his or her target get upset is exactly what a bully wants. Crying or getting angry may only encourage the bully. Advise your child to stay calm and not show the bully if he or she feels upset.
2—Advise your child to be assertive and not give in to a bully’s demands unless he or she is in danger. Learning how to stand up to a bully can boost your child’s confidence—and prevent future bullying. If there is any threat of violence, the victim should do what the bully says, and then tell an adult right away.
3—Young people should never feel that they have to deal with bullying on their own. Encourage your child to get help—either from you or another adult—if the bullying doesn’t stop or if he or she feels threatened in any way.

24. Staying calm and confident
self-talk
It’s not always easy for young people to keep their emotions under control, especially when facing a bully. Help your child learn some techniques for staying calm and confident.
1—Using positive self-talk can help deflect the taunts of a bully. For example, “I can handle this,” or “I know what they’re saying isn’t true. I like myself.”
2—Picturing the bully’s words bouncing off them helps some young people to stay calm.
3—Standing tall and making eye contact not only helps your child look confident—it can help him or her FEEL confident, too. Encourage your child to use confident, assertive body language—even if he or she feels scared or upset on the inside.
visualization
looking confident

25. Defusing a bully Agree with the facts. Make a joke. Reframe it.
You can help your child come up with verbal responses that let a bully know he or she isn’t upset or scared.
1—For example, if your child is teased about having curly hair, he or she could shrug and say, “Yes, my hair is curly.” This lets the bully know that his or her opinion isn’t important to your child.
--Using humor is another good way to defuse bullying situations. A friendly joke can disarm the bully and sends the message that the child isn’t bothered by the verbal attacks.
3.—Re-framing taunts into positive statements is another effective response. For example, if another child says, “Hey, four-eyes!” your child can innocently respond, “Oh, thanks for noticing my new glasses.”
Other ways? Saying, “So what?” and walking away. Shrugging and walking away. Laughing along with the bully.

26. Safety first Avoid the bully until the conflict gets resolved.
Think safety in numbers.
Get away and get help.
It is important to teach your child how to effectively stand up to a bully. But he or she must also know how to stay safe.
1—Talk about how your child can avoid running into the bully—taking a different route to school, or avoiding certain areas in the school—UNTIL the conflict gets resolved and your child feels safe.
Avoiding a bully should not be considered a long-term solution. However, it may be necessary
as a short-term measure until the situation is resolved.
2—Advise your child to travel with friends and avoid being alone in places that are unsupervised. Bullies are more likely to target kids who are alone.
3—If your child feels physically threatened, he or she should get away and tell an adult. Make sure your child understands the difference between telling to get someone in trouble (tattling) and telling because someone might get hurt.
Have your child practice deciding what to do in bullying situations. For example, ask, “What could you do if the bully starts teasing you at the bus stop?” Then help your child think of different options and what the possible consequences might be. Practicing making decisions like this can help your child make safe, responsible choices if he or she is faced with a bully.

27. Friendship is the best protection.
join in
overcome shyness
Victims of bullying are often shy and have trouble making friends. Even having just one or two close friends can improve your child’s confidence and sense of belonging. It can also help protect him or her from future bullying.
1—Encourage your child to join organized activities that he or she likes. This is a great way to meet others, build confidence, and develop friendships.
2—Shy children may need help learning how to approach others. Talk with your child about friendly ways he or she might approach other kids and develop friendships.
3—You may also want to work on improving his or her social skills, especially if your child seems to be a provocative target. Encourage your child to treat others with caring and respect, and to find healthy ways to express feelings.
improve social skills.

28. Give positive alternatives.
Encourage healthy interests.
Turn strength into leadership.
Get connected to the community.
Helping your child find positive ways to get respect and attention is another important part of stopping bullying behavior.
1—Focus on your child’s strengths and talents, and find ways he or she can use them in positive ways. This can show your child positive ways to feel successful and gain recognition from peers and adults.
2—Involvement in a school’s peer mediation program can be a great way for a child to use his or her strengths to make a positive difference in school. Talk to the school about whether this is an appropriate option for your child.
3—Getting involved in community service or volunteer work can help your child learn to care about others and feel good about helping them.

29. Know when to seek help.
Despite the best efforts, a child may need professional help to stop bullying behavior. Children who continue to behave aggressively towards others, or show other troubling behavior such as skipping school, stealing, or damaging property, or cruelty to animals, may need professional help.
If your child shows any of these signs, of if you have any concerns, talk to the school counselor or a health-care provider about what kind of help is available for your child.

30. Empathy prevents bullying behavior makes bullying unacceptable
Teaching all children to understand and care about the feelings of others is one of the most important things we can do to help prevent bullying. This caring attitude is called empathy.
1—Young people who have empathy for others are less likely to mistreat their peers.
2—They are less likely to join in or cheer on a bully. They are also more likely to try to stand up to the bully, get an adult to help stop the bullying, and offer support to the victim.

31. Assertive-speak “I” message:
“You” message: (not an appropriate response)
YOU thief! I can’t believe YOU took my book without asking me. If YOU do it again, YOU’LL be sorry.”
“I” message:
I (feel this way) when (this happens). I need (this to happen).

32. a. b. Which is assertive? “Stop it! You’re hurting my feelings!”
“I don’t like you calling me names. I want you to stop now.”

33. Practice makes perfect.
Role play.
Practice decision making.