1. Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships

2. What is Love?
Difficult to define
Special attitude with behavioral and emotional components
Different things to different people
Difficult to measure

3. Rubin’s Love Scale
13-item questionnaire
3 components of love
Attachment
Caring
Intimacy

4. Types of Love: Passionate Love
Also known as romantic love or infatuation
Intense psychological feelings
Generalized physiological arousal
Strong sexual desire
Avoid conflict
Feelings of completeness
Short-lived

5. Types of Love: Companionate Love
Less intense than passionate love
Friendly affection & deep attachment
Familiarity & tolerance for short-comings
More enduring than passionate love

6. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory
In Sternberg’s love triangle, various combinations of three components of love (passion, intimacy, and commitment) make up the different kinds of love. Note that nonlove is the absence of all three components

7. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory
Passion, Intimacy, & Commitment are the three love components
Passion builds then fades
Intimacy & Commitment continue to build
Variations in components yield different kinds of love
Intimacy alone = friendship
Passion alone = infatuation
Commitment alone = empty love

8. Compassionate (storge) Altruistic (agape) Pragmatic (pragma)
Lee’s Styles of Loving
Romantic (eros)
Game-playing (ludus)
Possessive (mania)
Compassionate (storge)
Altruistic (agape)
Pragmatic (pragma)

9. Lee’s Styles of Loving
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10. Falling in Love
The chemistry of love
Neurotransmitters
Norepinephrine
Dopamine
Phenylethylamine (PEA)
Oxytocin
Endorphins
Loss of romantic love and neurotransmitter withdrawal

11. Falling in Love: Proximity
Mere exposure effect
Familiarity breeds predictability which leads to greater comfort
Greater proximity often reflects shared interests

12. Falling in Love: Similarity
Level of physical attractiveness
Age, educational status, and religion
Race and ethnicity
Why Similarity?
Share similar interests & activities
Communicate better
Confirm own views & experiences
Supportive of values & beliefs

13. Role of Similarity in Relationships
Percentage of couples in various types of relationships that are homophilous for age, educational status, and religion

14. Role of Similarity in Relationships
Noncohabitational sexual partnerships by race and sex

15. Falling in Love: Reciprocity
When someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back
Increases in self-esteem
Increases likelihood of relationship enduring

16. Falling in Love: Physical Attractiveness
Belief that “What’s beautiful is good”
Status by association
Most important in early stages
May be an indicator of physical health
Heterosexual males place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness

17. Falling in Love: How willing are you. . .?
How willing would you be to marry someone who. . .

18. Attachment
Attachment: Intense emotional tie
Adult attachments are influenced by our attachment to caregiver in infancy
Attachment Style (Ainsworth)
Secure attachment
Insecure attachment
Anxious-Ambivalent attachment

19. Attachment
Attachment styles in Adulthood
Paired couples often are similar in their attachment styles
Attachment style affects interaction in relationship

20. Attachment Styles and Relationships
Impact of attachment styles on intimate relationships.

21. Issues in Loving Relationships
Relationship between love & sex
Relationship between the two is not always clear
Consider “hook-ups” and “friends with benefits”
Questions to ask:
Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?
Do men and women have different views of sex & love?

22. Sexual Orientation and Attitudes about Love & Sex
Many people stereotype same-sex relationships as primarily sexual
However, lesbians and gay men generally seek loving, trusting, caring relationships that embrace many dimensions of sharing
Sex differences among lesbians and gay men are consistent with general sex difference in attitudes toward love and sex
Gay men are more likely than lesbians to separate love from sex
Lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established

23. Jealousy in Relationships
Jealousy-prone person
Low self-esteem
High value on wealth and popularity
Negative consequences
Precipitates partner violence
Stifles relationship development
Raises anxiety, depression, anger
Sex differences

24. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
Ingredients in a lasting love relationship
Self-acceptance
Appreciation of each other’s qualities
Commitment
Good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests
Ability to face and deal with conflict

25. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
Characteristics of high quality relationships
Supportive communication
Companionship
Sexual expression and variety
Seeing partner as best friend
Maintaining frequent positive interaction

26. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
Individual and relationship growth
Growth and change maintain relationship
Overcome obstacles
View problems as challenges
Negotiate and renegotiate wants
Accept each other as unique

27. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
Sexual Variety
Communication is critical
Be spontaneous
Plan for intimate time
Don’t worry about frequency “standards”