1. BUILDING HEALTHY ADULT RELATIONSHIPS

2. RELATIONSHIP We form relationships as we are born (parents, siblings, family) As we move outside the home friends, teachers and neighbors become important As we get older new relationships (teacher- student, employer- employee) are formed

3. Relationship Defined A emotional or another connection, association, or involvement with another person ether by blood or by a friendship or by a romantic connection.

4. BENEFITS OF RELATIONSHIPS Love Companionship Safety Shared interests Affection Sharing hopes and dreams Someone is there for you Shared culture or religion Someone to have fun with

5. Relationships… Involve a connection between people We come into contact with many people but few will be relationships Some people have many, personal relationships in life, and some prefer few to have personal relationships.

6. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Happiness Trust Love Affection Equality Mutual Respect Friendship Humour / Fun Can be yourself No fear of other Still independent people Laughter Common Interests Support Fair fights Acceptance Comfort Kindness Strong self-esteem Good communication Honesty

7. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP No trust No respect Jealousy ( Need to give email, facebook, cell phone password to partner. Abuse – emotional, physical, sexual Bad/no communication Low self-esteem Power issues Unfair fights Other person tries to change you Lies Manipulation Lack of understanding No fun Fear

8. Discussion Questions??? How do you feel in a healthy relationship? Why do some people stay in unhealthy relationships?

9. GROUP WORK In 4 groups write one assigned question on your chart paper and answer in a group: 1. Define the term “dating relationship” Does it differ for teens vs adults? 2. Do you think as a teen there is a pressure to date? If so, where does it come from? 3. Do you think that males and females have similar expectations about dating? What do men expect, what do women expect. 4. Are there factors that influence the qualities we look for in a partner? How has your life effected your partner choices.

10. What do we look for in a partner?

11. MATURE vs IMMATURE LOVE Often people feel that they are in love, but sometimes it turns out to be infatuation rather than “mature love” Immature love may involve one person “taking” more that “giving”; jealousy; one person calling the shots, broken promises and possibly violence

12. MATURE vs IMMATURE LOVE Mature love is the type of love you see in engaged, or married couples. When you are together because you want to be together and not because you need/have to be with one another. You have made a commitment to this person. Signs of mature love include acceptance, emotional support, commitment, calmness, respect, caring, kindness, friendship, and consideration.

13. Listen to and take your feelings and ideas seriously. Can talk openly and honestly with you about what matters to them. Never use threats of harm, violence or suicide to get their own way Never hits, punch, bite, slap, push or otherwise strike out in anger or jealousy Does not try to control what you do, where you go or who you talk to. Respects you, and say good things to you and about you Enjoys spending time with you. Trust you and earn your trust by keeping things that are private to themselves. Allow you to enjoy the activities and people that matter to you. Accepts your limits about sexual activity, every time Have a sense of humor Communicate positively with each other

14. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Problems may begin to arise in relationships They may start out as “innocent” issues and can eventually lead to abuse and violence Many teens settle for unhealthy relationships and find it difficult to communicate their concerns to their partners

15. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR SOMEONE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY ARE IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

16. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP The expression “love is blind” is often true Someone may feel that they are so in love that they do not look deeply at the problems and stay in the relationships for the following reasons:

17. Reasons People Stay Belief things will get better Problems are just a phase They can change their partner. ( A leopard can’t change its spots/ you should never want to change someone) Don’t know this is unhealthy Seen this behavior elsewhere. ( Childhood ) Having a partner is more important. ( Fear of being alone. ) Scared to break it off (can’t cope without the other or the other might be violent)

18. Forms of Abuse Physical Abuse The intentional use of any action that could cause pain or injury. Shoving, pushing, slapping, kicking, biting, punching, pinching, hair-pulling, throwing things, threatening to cause harm with a weapon. Emotional Abuse Affects our feelings and includes name-calling, insulting, blaming, humiliating, swearing or yelling, being disrespectful, causing embarrassment, being explosive, extreme mood swings, manipulating, being possessive, isolation

19. Forms of Abuse Psychological Abuse Throwing or breaking things, destroying possessions, threatening to cause personal harm to friends, family or pets, threatening to commit suicide to get their way, threatening gestures or facial expressions, stalking, contact by phone etc that causes fear or discomfort, guilt tripping, mind games Sexual Abuse Unwanted sexual touching, sexual acts without consent, making fun for not wanting to do certain sexual things, unsafe sexual practices, forcing a person into degrading, humiliating or painful sexual acts, making rude comments or gestures

20. Warning Signs A person who is experiencing an abusive situation may show the following signs of changes of behavior. Mood or personality changes. Physical injuries like bruises, sores, scratches or broken bones (especially if injuries don’t match the story they tell you) Sudden changes in clothes or makeup. Failing grades or dropping out of school activities. Emotional outbursts or over-reacting to things that seem small or unimportant.

21. Warning Signs Withdrawing from family and friends Difficulty making decisions Sudden changes in mood or personality (ex: becoming anxious or depressed, acting out and being secretive) Changes in eating or sleeping habits, avoiding eye contact Constantly thinking about their dating partner Using alcohol or drugs or increased use of drugs or alcohol

22. Warning Signs Someone is Abusive and Could be Violent S/He pressures to make the relationship very serious or to have sex S/He becomes extremely jealous and possessive and thinks these destructive displays of emotion are signs of love. S/He is controlling and bossy (ie: makes all the decisions, does not take your opinion seriously, or uses put-downs when alone or with friends) S/He uses guilt trips (ie: if you really loved me you would…)

23. Warning Signs Someone is Abusive and Could be Violent Blames you for relationship problems (ie: its because of you I get so mad) S/He may apologize for violent behaviors promising never to act violent again and to change S/He keeps you from spending time with close friends or family S/He is verbally and emotionally abusive

24. Why might teens not tell… Embarrassed, ashamed, feels stupid, or worthless. Alone and afraid of getting hurt. ( Dependent ) Convinced it’s their fault. Scared of getting in trouble. Parents or friends will blame them or will be disappointed. Confused- they may think this is how people show love.

25. Reflection What do you look for in a partner/friend? Choose one. What factors / life experiences influence the qualities you look for in a partner/friend? Why are these qualities important to you?