1. Judge James Tamm AIMC National Conference March 24, 2004 – Orlando Accountable Collaboration

2. Radiant Transit Discussion Guidelines Information … not evidence Information … not evidence Focus on yourself Focus on yourself Not interested in right or wrong Not interested in right or wrong Did you produce the results you wanted Did you produce the results you wanted Listen carefully Listen carefully

3. How to Collaborate Successfully Go first Go first Pay attention to responses Pay attention to responses Be open and direct about your intentions Be open and direct about your intentions Keep talking Keep talking Forgive quickly Forgive quickly Agree on systems for conflict resolution Agree on systems for conflict resolution Regular reviews – active monitoring Regular reviews – active monitoring Graduated sanctions Graduated sanctions Use Interest-Based Problem Solving Use Interest-Based Problem Solving

4. 5 Elements of Successful Collaborative Relationships Collaborative intention Collaborative intention Truthfulness Truthfulness Self-Accountability Self-Accountability Self-Awareness Self-Awareness Skillful Methodologies Skillful Methodologies

5. UCB Research Results Adversarial relationships reduced from 70% to 1%

6. High trust relationships increased from 10% to 62% UCB Research Results

7. Effective communication is increased from 6% to 71%

8. UCB Research Results 89% of participants reported more effectiveness in resolving conflict and managing differences 89% of participants reported more effectiveness in resolving conflict and managing differences Almost all participants reported a positive impact on both the process & products of their relationship Almost all participants reported a positive impact on both the process & products of their relationship Gains were sustainable Gains were sustainable

9. State of California Research Rate of disputes reduced 85% in groups trained three years earlier. Rate of disputes reduced 85% in groups trained three years earlier. Savings of $670,000 in one area alone. Savings of $670,000 in one area alone.

10. Research Results ExtremelyEffective ExtremelyIneffective Mayte Barba study of participants from 9 countries over a 6 year period. Before After Getting Interests Met ReducingDefensiveness Before After 44.8%Improvement49.5%Improvement

11. Competitive attitude Competitive Competitive Short term Short term Defensive Defensive Seeks to win – Self only Seeks to win – Self only Feels like war Feels like war Reactive - Rigid Reactive - Rigid

12. Thumb Wrestling Object – Win points Object – Win points Select a partner Select a partner No talking No talking 1 point per thumb pin 1 point per thumb pin Start & stop by my signal Start & stop by my signal Keep count of your points Keep count of your points

13. Collaborative attitude Collaborative Collaborative Long-term Long-term Seeks mutual gains Seeks mutual gains Sees others as partners Sees others as partners Seeks solutions not blame Seeks solutions not blame Open to influence – Flexible Open to influence – Flexible Seeks understanding Seeks understanding

14. Who am I thumb wrestling with? In order to be more effective, I must be more collaborative with: In order to be more effective, I must be more collaborative with:  1_______________________  2_______________________  3_______________________

15. Premise: A defense system is not to protect yourself against others. It is to defend yourself against feeling your own fear. A defense system is not to protect yourself against others. It is to defend yourself against feeling your own fear. So, …….. shifts occur when you let yourself feel the fear. So, …….. shifts occur when you let yourself feel the fear.

16. Defenses are: Always fear based Always fear based Charged with energy & biologically based Charged with energy & biologically based Unconscious Unconscious Autonomous Autonomous Only temporary relief Only temporary relief AND ….. WE HAVE THEM FOR A REASON.

17. Defensiveness causes problems It distorts our reality and we spend more energy on Self-Preservation than on Problem Solving

18. Conflict Lifeline Draw a visual history of major conflicts in your life Draw a visual history of major conflicts in your life Use Pictures, Symbols, Words Use Pictures, Symbols, Words Reflect upon past and current family and relationships Reflect upon past and current family and relationships

22. Reflect back on your Conflict Lifeline: What defenses did you use to cope with these situations? What defenses did you use to cope with these situations? Do you see any patterns? Do you see any patterns?

23. Signs of defensiveness Check all that apply Check all that apply Circle your top 3 Circle your top 3

24. When you get defensive: Take responsibility for yourself Take responsibility for yourself Slow down Slow down Confront any negative self-talk Confront any negative self-talk CYA CYA Detach Detach Start again Start again

25. Defensiveness Action Plan When my early warning system tells me I’m getting defensive, i.e. I notice myself doing: When my early warning system tells me I’m getting defensive, i.e. I notice myself doing:  1.____________________  2.____________________  3.____________________ I will take the following action: I will take the following action:  1.____________________  2.____________________

26. Levels Of Openness -1. Self-Deception -1. Self-Deception 0. Withholding 0. Withholding 1. You are………….. 1. You are………….. 2. Toward you I feel……….. 2. Toward you I feel……….. 3. Because……….. 3. Because……….. 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself……………) 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself……………)

27. 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself is…….) or What must you be thinking about me to treat me this way? e.g. You don’t think I’m important, I’m trustworthy, I’m significant, I’m competent, I’m likable, etc.

28. Levels Of Openness -1. Self-Deception -1. Self-Deception 0. Withholding 0. Withholding 1. You are………….. 1. You are………….. 2. Toward you I feel……….. 2. Toward you I feel……….. 3. Because……….. 3. Because……….. 4. The story I tell myself…………… 4. The story I tell myself…………… 5. About myself I fear………….. 5. About myself I fear…………..

29. 5. About myself I fear………. The reason my button gets pushed when you don’t think I’m (significant, competent, likable, ______________, etc.) is because it reminds me that I feel this way, and I don’t want to feel that feeling. The reason my button gets pushed when you don’t think I’m (significant, competent, likable, ______________, etc.) is because it reminds me that I feel this way, and I don’t want to feel that feeling. I don’t like it (or you) when you remind me of that! I don’t like it (or you) when you remind me of that!

30. Levels Of Openness -1. Self-Deception -1. Self-Deception 0. Withholding 0. Withholding 1. You are………….. 1. You are………….. 2. Toward you I feel……….. 2. Toward you I feel……….. 3. Because……….. 3. Because……….. 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself is……………) 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself is……………) 5. About myself I fear………….. 5. About myself I fear…………..

31. Self-Accountability (Choice) Being accountable for the choices we make is the key attitude for empowerment. I have no choice.I may not choose allI choose it all. I may Things happen and Ithat happens to menot be aware of my don’t have anybut I do choose mychoices at all times, choice about how Ireactionsbut I am always respondmaking choices __________________________________________________________________________ 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

32. We act the way we do because we expect payoffs. What are some payoffs for not being accountable for my choices? ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________ ___________________________________

33. Interest-Based Problem Solving Set tone & discuss process Set tone & discuss process Develop problem statement Develop problem statement Focus on interests – not positions Focus on interests – not positions Know your contingency plan Know your contingency plan Jointly develop options Jointly develop options Reach clear agreements Reach clear agreements

34. Interests Desires, wants, needs underlying the problem Desires, wants, needs underlying the problem Easier to reconcile interests than positions Easier to reconcile interests than positions  Interests may not be conflicting  There are many ways to meet an interest Ask Questions Ask Questions Intangibles Intangibles

35. Contingency Plan What you can do without agreement What you can do without agreement Understanding C.P. protects against: Understanding C.P. protects against:  Accepting bad agreements  Rejecting good agreements Can you improve your CP? Can you improve your CP?

36. Options -- Solutions Be firm about interests – Flexible about how you get them met Be firm about interests – Flexible about how you get them met Always look for mutual gains Always look for mutual gains Jointly invent many options Jointly invent many options

37. Closure -- Agreement Evaluate options Evaluate options Check proposals against: Check proposals against:  Interests of both parties  Contingency plans Seek clarity & commitment Seek clarity & commitment

38. Next Steps for Long Term Change Maintenance of Relationship Maintenance of Relationship Demonstrating Leadership Commitment Demonstrating Leadership Commitment Developing Constituency Support Developing Constituency Support Management of Issues and Expectations Management of Issues and Expectations

39. Closing session worksheet What have I learned today that has had the most impact? What have I learned today that has had the most impact? About myself _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ About my organization _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ How will I apply what I learned? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ What support will be helpful for me to accomplish my goals? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

40. Thanks for attending BCon WSA International James Tamm 1-800-462-5874 jamestamm@firo.com www.firo.net