1. SAFE DATES UNIT

2. IMPORTANT QUESTIONS WHEN IS THE RIGHT AGE TO START DATING
WHO PAYS FOR THE DATE?
SHOULD YOU KISS ON THE FIRST DATE?
IS IT OK TO DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT THE SAME TIME?

3. ESSENTIAL QUESTION WHAT IS DATING?

4. ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS WHAT ARE RELATIONSHIPS?
WHAT ARE SOME DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE HAVE

5. A RELATIONSHIP IS
A CONNECTION BETWEEN INDIVIDUALS OR GROUPS OF PEOPLE.
RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVE SOME LEVEL OF INTERDEPENDENCE. PEOPLE INFLUENCE EACH OTHER, SHARE FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, IDEAS, OR ACTIVITIES TOGETHER.

6. RELATIONSHIPS ARE ‘SOCIAL’ COMMITMENTS.

7. WHO MIGHT YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH?

8. ROLE = HOW YOU BEHAVE OR ACT IN A RELATIONSHIP.

9. What are some of the expected behaviors for each role below?
Child/Parent Employee/Employer
Student/Teacher Neighbors
Athlete/Coach Friends
Sister or brother
Partners

10. Relationship vs dating
Dating = Engaging in social activities with another person to get to know them better – which can become and intimate relationship.

11. Essential question – What is the difference between a relationship, friendship, or intimacy?

12. FRIENDSHIP TRUST CARING CONSIDERATION RESPECT HONESTY
A SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE BASED ON
TRUST
CARING
CONSIDERATION
RESPECT
HONESTY
HOW DO YOU CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS?

13. One of our basic human needs is TO BELONG AND BE LOVED
“INTIMACY” refers to a feeling of close attachment Types: Physical Emotional Cognitive Experiential Intimacy results from a close bond formed through knowledge and experiences with the other.

14. WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?

15. AGGRESSIVELY PASSIVELY ASSERTIVELY
Essential Question – What are three ways we might communicate with others in our relationships?
ANSWER:
AGGRESSIVELY
PASSIVELY
ASSERTIVELY
BUT WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

16. Aggressive = being overly forceful
Aggressive = being overly forceful. It might involve bullying or intimidation. Not paying attention to other’s feelings or needs.

17. Passive = being unwilling or unable to express thoughts or feelings
Passive = being unwilling or unable to express thoughts or feelings. Putting other’s needs ahead of your own.

18. Assertive = expressing your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully. Standing up for your rights while respecting others.

19. Essential Question – What does dating abuse look like?

20. PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS
HITTING SCRATCHING
PUSHING BITING
CHOKING SHAKING
PUNCHING PINCHING
RAPING SPITTING
SHOVING PULLING HAIR

21. EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS
Ignoring a partner’s feelings
Insulting a partner’s values and beliefs
Acting in an intimidating way
Calling a date names
Isolating a partner from friends or family
Acting jealous or spreading rumors

22. EMOTIONAL ABUSE (continued)
Scaring a partner
Keeping a partner from leaving
Humiliating a partner in public or private
Telling lies about a partner
Threatening to hurt oneself or partner
Damaging a partner’s property

23. Are all behaviors considered abuse????
THEY ARE ABUSE when used to:
MANIPULATE another person
GAIN CONTROL or POWER of someone
Make someone FEEL BAD about THEMSELF or OTHERS
Make someone FEEL AFRAID
Make someone FEEL GUILTY

24. PROGRESSION
No relationship is perfect. There may be feelings of confusion, anger, or jealousy-this is normal in relationships.
Emotional abuse might not be “abusive” if only done once. BUT PHYSICAL HARM IS ALWAYS ABUSIVE EVEN DONE ONLY ONCE.

25. BUT . . . IT BECOMES A PROBLEM WHEN…..
THESE ACTIONS HAPPEN MORE THAN ONCE AND BECOME A REGULAR BEHAVIOR IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

26. Dating abuse RED FLAGS FEELING AFRAID OF YOUR PARTNER
LOSING YOUR FRIENDS & FEELING ISOLATED
FEELING EMBARRASSED, ASHAMED, GUILTY
A NERVOUS OR SICK FEELING WHEN PARTNER IS IRRITATED OR ANGR
CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER IS JEALOUS
DOING THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO BUT THINK YOU SHOULD OR MUST

27. RED FLAGS that YOU might be abusing your partner
YOU PHYSICALLY ASSAULT YOUR PARTNER
YOU BECOME ANGRY IF PARTNER SPENDS TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE
USE GUILT TRIPS TO GET YOUR WAY
MAKING YOUR PARTNER AFRAID OF YOU
TELL YOUR PARTNER TO CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR
ARE UNABLE TO CONTROL YOUR FEELING S OF ANGER OR JEALOUSLY
FIND YOURSELF STALKING AND SMOTHERING PARTNER

28. Essential Question – What are some negative consequences of dating abuse?

29. “SHORT TERM” Consequences of abuse
Getting into trouble with school or law
Feeling intimidated or afraid
Feeling bossed or controlled
Get physically injured
Being humiliated or upset
Feelings of guilt, anger, or confusion
Believe it is your fault and blame yourself

30. “LONG TERM” Consequences of abuse
Losing friends and being isolated
Criminal charges or jail time
Becoming depressed, feelings of suicide
Withdraw and isolate self
Not trust future relationships
Believe it is normal behavior and accept it

31. Essential Question – Why don’t victims get help?
Fear of hurting their dating partner
Fear of getting into trouble with one’s parents
Fear of being blamed or not believed
Fear of retaliation from abusive partner
Fear of being judged – embarrassment
Don’t want to be alone – or believe it is normal
Think it is their fault – have no self esteem
Don’t know HOW to improve the situation

32. ‘YOU’ have a choice . . .

33. Getting help for you or a friend
Point out the abusive behavior and tell them they do not deserve to be treated that way.
Always listen to, believe, and respect your friend
Ask them if they have a safety plan
Help them get adult or professional help
Guide them to on-line help sites and crisis hot lines
Help them reconnect with family and friends

34. What is the “SAFE” strategy for effective communication?

35. “SAFE” Communication Skills
S = Stay Calm
A = Ask Questions
F = Find out Feelings
E = Exchange Ideas for a Solution
Effective and open communication is important in having an honest caring relationship. It can help diffuse a potentially confrontational or abusive situation. Using SAFE actions might help you realize it was all a misunderstanding.

36. Use “I statements” when expressing your feelings.
I feel _________ when you _________because __________.
Fill in an emotion / and a specific action.

37. Dating should feel ‘right’.