1. Gender Communication Differences:
Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus, and I’m your interpreter.

2. Childhood Study: Development of social skills begins at a very early age.
BOYS:
group-oriented
teamwork= strong group of friends
GIRLS:
individual-oriented
one-on-one talking= one or two best friends

3. Differing Perceptions:
STATUS LENS:
(males)
looking for differences to achieve status
young boys try to “one up” each other
stronger personalities give orders= leader= HIGHER STATUS
weaker personalities accept orders= subordinate= LOWER STATUS
CONNECTION LENS:
(females)
look for similarities to achieve connection
try to achieve equality

4. Non-verbal Communication: LISTENING RITUALS “Parallel Chairs” Study: when speaking, boys kept chairs side by side, but girls turned their chairs to face each other.
MEN:
avoid direct eye contact
are still listening, although they may not look directly at you
misinterpret direct eye contact as confrontational or flirtatious
WOMEN:
direct, face-to-face gaze
used to focus on connection
misinterpret no eye contact as a sign of not listening

5. VERBAL COMMUNICATION: CONVERSATION RITUALS
not to be taken literally
tools used for establishing friendly connections to facilitate communication
example: “How are you?”... “Fine, thanks”

6. CONVERSATION RITUALS RITUAL OPPOSITION: RITUAL APOLOGY: (MEN) (WOMEN)
boys “play fight”
playing Devil’s Advocate
used NOT to challenge but rather to explore possibilities
Women misinterpret oppostion as:
indication of bad idea or mistake
personal attack
RITUAL APOLOGY:
(WOMEN)
“I’m not sorry I’m sorry”
means I’m sorry that happened
NOT a personal apology
used as a transition in conversation
Men misinterpret apology as:
disorganization
incompetence

7. CONVERSATION RITUALS MEN: use playful insults and teasing
related to the status dimension
WOMEN:
use compliments
related to the connection dimension

8. SMALL TALK: “Greasing the Wheels”
REPORT TALK:
(men)
focuses on information-- details, statistics
sports and hobbies
RAPPORT TALK:
(women)
talking about personal subjects in order to give sense of connection
“How’s your family?”

9. GIVING ORDERS: DIRECT: INDIRECT: (men) (women) dictate orders
not bossy or offensive
Women misinterpret direct orders as:
impoliteness
overbearing
INDIRECT:
(women)
use strategies not to appear bossy
“could we do this…”
“do you think it’s possible…”
“I would do it this way…”
Men misinterpret indirect approach as:
not being managerial
easier to say “NO”

10. THE “DOUBLE BIND” FOR WOMEN:
Expectations for how an authority figure should speak is based upon men in authority.
If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears pushy or bossy.
If woman is indirect (feminine) she appears incompetent.

11. Quick Tips: FOR MEN: FOR WOMEN: give compliments more freely
use praise to temper criticism
asks for another’s opinion to make them feel included
FOR WOMEN:
give ideas outright without disclaimer
be more concrete when giving orders