1. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ ABUSE It devastates the victim It does not stop on its own Silence allows the abuse to continue

2. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ ABUSIVE HOMES Everyone in abusive homes walks on eggshells, hoping to keep the abuser on even keel The children learn to sacrifice their joy and development to prevent tension and violence. They live their parents lives, not their own They have no behavioral anchors --- under- developed sense of normal, loving behavior. They have low self-esteem and feel of no value Child abuse thrives on silence/secrecy

3. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ TYPES OF ABUSE EMOTIONAL NEGLECT PHYSICAL SEXUAL

4. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ KNOWLEDGE HELPS Bringing up children can, at times, be stressful, demanding, frustrating, tiring Being aware of common situations and scenarios that cause these problems. Developing an “eye” to recognize possible dangers can help parents avoid many of the traps, and help children develop in a healthy positive manner.

5. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ CHIDREN AT RISK A child whose care may pose difficulties Handicapped: physically or mentally Colicky or illness prone Hyperactive Demanding, unusual need for attention Infant with feeding difficulties Exceptionally bright child Previously abused child

6. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ CHIDREN AT RISK A child who is thought to be difficult Child of “wrong” sex Unwanted child Child seen as ugly, stupid, willful, bad even though he/she is normal Child whose birth caused particular problems for parents Child has physical/personality characteristics that “remind” the caretaker of their abuser

7. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ RISK ASSESMENT: Caretaker Immaturity –Young and/or insecure adults may have a difficult time understanding a child’s behavior and needs. Their own need to be cared for is so great that they may be unable to take care of the needs of the child Lack of parenting skills –Adults who have had poor models for family relationships may have a far more difficult time providing a healthy environment for the children

8. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ Unrealistic expectations –Adults who do not understand normal stages of development in children may expect them to behave in ways beyond their developmental capabilities Unmet emotional needs –Adults who do not relate well to other adults may expect children to satisfy their needs for love, protection, self-esteem, sexual gratification Isolation –Adults who have no support system, who are geographically or emotionally separated from family and friends, may take out their frustrations on children

9. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ Substance abuse –Alcohol or drug abuse limit abilities to properly care for children Mental illness or development delay –Adults with unstable psychological makeup or low intelligence may not function fully or understand parent responsibilities Poor impulse control

10. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ An Accumulation of small stresses –Fairly chaotic life-style –Regularly having problems Major disruptions in life –Death of a loved one –Divorce –Loss of job/income –significant illness to them or near relative AVOID PARANOIA: LEARN TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN ABUSIVE AND “NORMAL” SITUATIONS

11. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ SAFE PEOPLE Don’t laugh at you or belittle you Don’t blab things told in confidence Don’t abuse alcohol or drugs Show concern and care Spend time with you Listen to your concerns and pay attention Share their feelings with you Keep their word and follow up on promises Are always positive and encouraging

12. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ LONG TERM EFFECTS Low self-esteem Not trusting of others Risky lifestyle Substance abuse Abusive, violent, behavior Extreme depression Suicide

13. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ TEACHING THE BASICS This is your body -- no one else has any rights to it Don’t teach blind obedience to adults Knowing “Good” touch and “Bad” touch How to move away from abusive situations Yelling at, hitting, belittling are not normal Parent’s behavioral problems are not your fault Children flourish in an encouraging, loving, and trusting environment SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY

14. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ ACT EARLY Abuse is devastating for child and family Abuse does not stop on its own Damaging effects of repeated abuse accumulate Abused children have very severe problems (physical/emotional/behavioral) in later life SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY

15. Abuserajan.gupta@lanl.govhttp://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/ SUGGESTED READING Wednesday’s Children, Suzanne Somers