1. 1 Developing Family Rules Nurturing Parenting Section 2.4 GOAL: To Increase parent’s skills in establishing family rules.

2. 2 OBJECTIVES To establish family discipline. To initiate family fairness and cooperation. To develop family rules.

3. 3 Reflect on your childhood. What rules did you have growing up? Were the rules “family rules” or “children rules”.

4. Families need some rules Effective rules are positive statements about how your family wants to look after and treat its family members. When rules are stated clearly and unambiguously, they help children learn where the limits are and what is expected of them. An additional benefit is that rules can help adults be consistent in the way they treat children. 4

5. Families need some rules (cont.) It is important to involve children as much as possible in the development of family rules. Children as young as three years can have meaningful discussion with parents about what the rules are and why they are necessary. As children get older they can make more and more of a contribution to what the rules should be and what the consequences for breaking them will be. Involving your children in developing the family rules and the consequences for breaking them helps them to understand and internalize the principles behind the rules. 5

6. Families need some rules (cont.) Many families find it useful to write down a set of rules about how the family members are expected to behave. Having them written down makes them clear and can prevent arguments about what is or is not a rule for the family. Having a few clear and specific rules tends to be more effective than long lists of rules. The more rules there are, the harder it is for young children to learn and remember them, and the more work you have to put into teaching and enforcing them. 6

7. 7 Family Meeting to establish family rules Family rules involve everyone in the family making the rules. Family rules involve do’s and don’ts. Family rules are designed to promote and reinforce cooperative behavior. Family rules help children learn appropriate behavior through parental modeling.

8. 8 Brainstorm Family Rules Identify specific behaviors you want children to have. For every Don’t rules, there needs to be a Do rule, otherwise children won’t know what to do instead. The absence of a behavior is nothing until it is replaced with another behavior. It is easier to change behavior from one to another, rather than just drop a behavior.

9. 9 General Rule Making Family rules encourage family members to take responsibility for their own behavior and to be contributing members of the family. Get everyone to participate. Encourage everyone to share family behaviors that they feel are problems.

10. 10 General Rule Making (cont) Keep the rules simple and specific. Hold regular family meetings to review the rules. Get buy-in for the family rules from all family members

11. Example - Curfews Curfews can be age related Maybe 10 PM for teens Maybe 7 or 8 PM for younger children Even parents could have a rule applied here, i.e., must call home if parent is planning to be late. 11

12. Example – Curfews (cont.) Johnny is 16 Don’t be late for family appointed curfew. Do be home before the family appointed curfew time. Parents Don’t fail to communicate with the family. Do call home if you are going to be late. 12

13. 13 Instruction to Family Rules Draw a line down the middle of the paper. On the top of one column write Do’s On the top of the other column write Don’ts Write four or five family rules.

14. Closure Review family rules Make sure they are fair, clear, reasonable and doable. Home practice in you book (see handout) 14