1. STEPS TO SOCIALIZATION
13 South Bayles Ave
Port Washington, NY 11050
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.
Lisa Freeman and Evelyn Kashinsky
Co-founders

2. OUR PLAN What is socialization?
The difference between teaching social thinking and teaching social skills.
The 3 theories of social thinking.
What do we teach.
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

3. “She’s very social.” What are some of the things she does…..
- Greet people (without being told)
Look at the person they’re speaking to (think with the eyes; listening with whole body)
Initiate and maintain a conversation (referencing the listener)
Know how to act in different situations
(expected/unexpected behavior)
Understand and use nonverbal language (body language,
gestures, facial expression, tone of voice)
‘Fit in’ (following the hidden rules)
Know how close to stand to someone (physical presence)
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

4. Socialization can also be thought as
Social Thinking
Social thinking refers to the process of thinking about your own thoughts and the thoughts of others (perspective taking).
Social thinking is figuring out how to make other people think the way you want them to think about you and knowing that you can change the way people think about you.
When do we use social thinking? ALL THE TIME driving a car, getting into an elevator, sitting next to someone on a train or bus,, walking down the street

5. What is the difference between social thinking
and social skills?
We view social skills as a scripted set of behaviors. These are behaviors that are learned in a specific setting or context and are:
often over generalized to all situations or
b) only used in the learned context.
Social thinking teaches the how and why behind the skills so that students can understand and appropriately generalize the skills. Students are taught to be more aware of the world around them and how their behavior impacts both others and themselves.
Give examples: hand shaking A social skill will teach that when you meet someone new you should hold out your hand and shake and introduce yourself by name.
This is awkward. It is not appropriate in all situations.
Social thinking requires a person to observe others. So when you say hello to your grandparents, you go over and hug and kiss them. How do you know, by watching others, like mom and dad, by seeing the commonality, mom and dad and my brother are family and are doing that, so it is ok for me to do this.
Your brothers friend is not someone you would shake hands with. How do you learn what to do? By observing and making inferences. The boys do a head nod or a wave. They are friends. I should do the same.

6. What do we do when we think socially?
We think with our eyes – we look at the people around us
and notice the following: what is their facial expression, what is their body language telling us, are they alone or with someone, you consider the setting in order to figure out what they’re thinking.
We use of our social memory – do we know the people, what do we remember about them, what behaviors/action/etc do we expect, what usually happens in this situation/context
We take other people’s perspective – we think about what they might be thinking, we think about their beliefs, motives and intentions and what they might want to talk about.
For most of us this is intuitive and happens in a
split second – before we are even aware of it!
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

7. Social thinking strategies are used
when sharing space with others
to interpret and understand movies, TV
shows, literature
to understand academic subjects such as
social studies and language arts
when working in groups with peers
to understand people’s motives and
intentions
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

8. Central Coherence Theory Executive Function Theory
The Puzzle of Social Thinking
Theory of the mind
Perspective taking
Central Coherence Theory
Executive Function Theory
Organization,
Planning and
Impulse Control
Getting the
Whole Picture

9. What concepts do we teach?
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10. Concept
Definition
Activities
Thinking with your eyes
Directing your eye gaze toward the speaker.
Looking at what the speaker is looking at (sharing attention).
Understanding that what someone is looking at is what they are thinking about.
- When you look at me I know you are listening to me
1. What Am I Looking At?
Choose something/someone to look at. Have your child make a smart guess about what you are looking at. Remind them that ‘eyes are like arrows’ that point to what people are looking at.
2. What Am I Thinking About?
The next step is to understand that what someone is
looking at is most likely what they are thinking
about. After your child identifies what you are
looking at ask your child what you might be thinking
about. For example, if your looking at the refrigerator
you are probably thinking “I’m hungry I’m going to
get something to eat.”

11. Concept
Definition
Activities
Thinking with your eyes continued
3. ‘Read’ the pictures in a book, magazine etc…
Try to figure out what the people are looking at, what they are thinking, and what might happen next
4. What’s He/She Thinking About?
Now we want to be ‘social detectives’ and observe the people around us. Figure out what they are looking at and make a smart guess about what they might be thinking based on the direction they are looking in. For example, You notice that the woman standing in front of Dunkin’ Donuts is looking a her wrist. What do you think she’s thinking about?
5. Use movies and TV shows to observe and discuss what the characters are looking at and thinking about to predict (smart guess) what may happen.

12. Concept Definition Activities
Expected/
Unexpected
Behaviors
Expected behaviors make you feel comfortable – it’s the way you expect to feel in that setting. It’s predictable.
Unexpected behaviors make you feel uncomfortable. You didn’t expect to feel that way in that setting. It wasn’t predictable.
If you want to ‘fit in’ with the group you do what the group expects you to do.
Discuss where you going and what behaviors are expected in that situation. Talk about issues that might come up and strategies for handling them. i.e. a birthday party. You might say, “today we’re going to Sam’s party.
When we go there it’s expected that you join in group activities, sing happy birthday, eat cake.
It’s unexpected for you to not do what the group is doing or to blow out the candles or to try to open the presents.
Don’t assume they already know
what they’re expected to do!

13. You can change how I feel
OUR ACTIONS CAUSE REACTIONS
You can change how I feel
Our behaviors impact on the people around us and cause them to react based on how they feel.
Explain that when you do what’s expected people feel comfortable with you and want to be with you. Which makes you feel good about yourself.
When you do something that’s unexpected, people feel uncomfortable and don’t want to be with you. This does not make you feel good about yourself!
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

14. Expected /Unexpected Consequence Chart
Your Behavior
Expected/
Unexpected
How It Makes Others Feel
Others Reaction/Behavior
How You Feel About Yourself
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

15. Behavior Chart Behavior: What did I do? How did the other person feel?
The Reaction: What did the other person do?
How did their reaction make me feel? How can I change my behavior?
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

16. Concept
Definition
Activities
Taking someone else’s perspective
Thinking about other’s, and how they think about you.
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Figuring out what someone else is thinking; what are their needs and wants.
1. I Spy with My Eye – Choose something in the room and
have them try to guess what it is. The idea is that you
know what the object is and the child doesn’t. You have a
different thoughts and knowledge than they do.
2. What’s Your Favorite? Discuss what each family likes
(food, game, movie etc..). Does everyone like the same
thing? What do younger children like to do? What about
the older children? The adults? Grandparents
3. If I was ….Think of different people, characters, animals
and what they gift they might want.

17. Concept
Definition
Activities
Taking someone else’s perspective
continued
Thinking about other’s, and how they think about you.
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Figuring out what someone else is thinking; what are their needs and wants.
4. Watch your child’s favorite TV show or read a book
with them and discuss what happened and the different
viewpoints of the characters. What happened to the
character? How did it make him feel?
5. As situations arise discuss how you feel about the
situation and the way that each person felt and reacted.

18. Concept
Definition
Activities
Non-verbal Language
Body language, facial expression, gestures, tone of voice.
Understanding non-verbal cues requires thinking with your eyes. If you don’t look you at people you can’t read non-verbal cues.
60-80% of our communication is non-verbal.
1. Practice making varied facial expressions in the
mirror. Many of the children don’t realize what they
look like and that they don’t always look as friendly as
they think they do.
2. Have your child identify the non-verbal cues of
family members. i.e. Does daddy look happy? How do
know? What is his face doing? What is his body doing?
What’s his tone of voice?
How do you know your sister is upset? What is her
expression telling you? Her body language? Her tone of
voice?
3. Who Can I say Hello to?
The focus here is on distinguishing a friendly face from
an unfriendly face. Discuss the characteristics of a
friendly face (smile, lips turn up, cheeks are up, eyes
close a little) vs. an unfriendly face (a frown or flat
lips). Look through magazines, books and have your
child point out which one’s are friendly/unfriendly and
who you would say hello to.

19. Concept
Definition
Activities
Non-verbal Language
continued
4. How Are They Feeling?
When you’re reading with your child or watching TV
look at the characters facial expression and body
language. Discuss how they are feeling and how you
know that’s what they are feeling.
5. Listen to a book on tape, TV, movie and notice the
tone of voice of the speaker. Are they being
pleasant/happy, sarcastic, angry etc…

20. Concepts
Definition
Activities
The Size of the Problem
Little problem/
Big Problem/
CATASTROPHE
The size of the problem should determine the size of the reaction.
If the reaction is too big the problem becomes larger.
EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS!!!
Draw the 1-10 scale. Write some problems on file
cards. Discuss the size of the problem and where to
place it on the scale,
how big your reaction to the problem should be, how
many people will be affected, possible solutions and
long it will take to fix the problem.
2. At dinnertime, discuss what happened during the
day. Talk about ‘a problem’ that occurred and how you
reacted. Let each family member say how they would
have reacted. Would you react the same way?
3. Use the books your child is reading or TV shows
they watch to talk about size of the problem. How did
the character react? Was the reaction appropriate to
the size of the problem? Did you agree with the
solution? What other solutions were possible?

21. Concept: What is the size of the Problem?
Little Problem
Is fixed in 1 or 2 steps.
Usually does not affect a lot of people
Does not require a lot of time to problem solve
Small Reaction
Big Problem
Requires more steps to fix
May/may not affect several people.
Requires more time to problem solve
Medium Reaction
Catastrophe
Requires many steps to fix
May/may not affect many people.
Requires significant time to problem solve
Large Reaction 1 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
Concept: What is the size of the Problem?

22. Concept: Emotion Thermometer10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
0-2 Times
Calm Neutral
Happy
3 – 4
Times
Irritated
Frustrated
5 – 6
Annoyed
7 – 8
Upset
9-10
Angry
Concept: Emotion Thermometer
How what you do makes someone else feel:
1 – 2 : You can do something once or twice and people will still be happy calm or neutral
3 – 4 : When you do something 3 or 4 times people become irritated and frustrated.
5 – 6 : When you do something 5 – 6 times people become annoyed.
7 – 8 : When you do something 7 or 8 times people become upset.
9 – 10: When you do something 9 or 10 times you can expect someone to become angry. At this point Anything can now tip the other person into anger – It’s the straw the broke the camel’s back!

23. Concept
Definition
Activities
Why Care?
My child doesn’t care if he doesn’t have friends.
Even if you don’t want to play with others you need to think about other people because you’re in a group with them – you’re sharing space with them. We want them to have good thoughts about us and not think we’re awkward or odd.
The focus here is to realize that we are always
thinking about other people AND they are always
thinking about us.
1.Come up with a list of places that your child is in
during the week. Are they alone or with other
people? If they are with other people then they are
having thoughts about them. i.e. Whose sitting next
to me? Are they too close to me? What are they
wearing? Are they looking at me? Etc…
2. Now discuss the idea that even when we are
alone we have thoughts about other people. For
example, if I don’t clean up my room mom will be
upset. If I don’t do my homework my teacher will
fail me. If I wear the same shirt everyday people will
look at me funny.

24. Steps to Socialization
Questions?
Contact us at:
Steps to Socialization
13 South Bayles Ave.
Port Washington 11050
Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.