1. 1 Day #5 of 8 What is grief? Part 2 Roster:Handouts: Please verify your information and put a checkmark next to your name or add your name. Please pick up a copy of today’s handouts. http://www.canyons.edu/faculty/rafterm

2. The Psychology of Love & Loss “What is Grief?” Part 2 Day #5 of 8 Loss & Change: The impact on one’s identity (John Stephenson & Erik Erickson) The effects of life-change related stress (Thomas Holmes & Richard Rahe)

3. Phases of Grief John Stephenson: Phases of Grief Identity Formation Erik Erikson: Identity Formation Readjustment Due to Loss of & Change in a relationship: The Impact on One’s Identity

4. R eaction D isorganization & Reorganization R eorientation & Recovery Phases of Grief John Stephenson’s Phases of Grief

5. Shock Numbness Bewilderment in particular to the news in general to the universe Crying Strong and quick mood shifts REACTION

6. Despair Unfocused thoughts Former patterns of behavior examined, abandoned, changed Loss of a sense of self, loss of one’s identity, loss of one’s mind DISORGANIZATION & REORGANIZATION

7. Activities are reorganized A change in the relationship with the deceased New avenues for creative living A new identity independent of the relationship once had with the deceased REORIENTATION & RECOVERY

8. Erikson’s Two-Step Identity Formation Crisis: actively exploring alternative ways of being Commitment: selecting one way as part of one’s identity and excluding all others

9. Identity Status CrisisCommitment DiffusedNo ForeclosedNoYes MoratoriumYesNo AchievedYes Erikson’s Two-Step Identity Formation

10. Identity Status CrisisCommitment DiffusedReaction & Disorganization ForeclosedReaction MoratoriumReorganization AchievedRecovery ERIKSON & STEPHENSON

11. Review one year of your life in terms of Holmes & Rahe’s 43-item Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) OUR “NO HOMEWORK” Life Change Event# of times in the one yearX the LCU’s Retirement X 45 Change in health of family member X 44 Pregnancy X 40 Gain of a new family member X 39 Business readjustments X 39 …and the camel’s back, next.

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13. THE RESPONSE OF OTHERS 13

14. THE RESPONSE OF OTHERS 14

15. THE RESPONSE OF OTHERS 15 The Narcissistic Response

18. “Ring Theory” …from The Los Angeles Times Sunday, April 7, 2013 Page: A26 18

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20. TWO BOOKS FROM OUR LIST 20

21. 41. Stephenson, J.S. (1985). Death, grief, and mourning: Individual and social realities. New York: Free Press. This work is the primary resource for information regarding the phases of grief, and these three phases take up only 10 of the 290 pages. John addresses the topics of death, grief and mourning with reference to academic research, diverse theories, literary descriptions, and first person accounts. This is a weighty work, but accessible, and it offers the type of understanding that increases acceptance. 21

22. 21. Kelly, L. (2000). Don't ask for the dead man's golf clubs: What to do and say (and what not to) when a friend loses a loved one. New York: Workman Publishing Company. The title of this one allows you to reliably judge this book by its cover. Lynn has done a great service with this work – a copy of which I once loaned out, and I trust it is still changing hands somewhere even today. One woman whose husband had recently died found this book to be a great comfort in coming to terms with some of the distressing visits she received. 22

23. 23 The End. May all our hearts enjoy the benefit of tender loving care.