1. Social Health Unit 16

2. Bell Activity What is a healthful relationship? –A. A relationship between two people who eat healthy. –B. A relationship between two people who care about each other and respect each other. –C. A relationship between two people who exercise together. –D. A relationship between two people who study together.

3. Health Goal # 40 I will develop healthful friendships.

4. FamilyEducation.com A Typical 6 th Grader: –Where They Are The average eleven-year-old is heading towards adolescence. He: Shows more self-assertion and curiosity. Is socially expansive and aware. Is physically exuberant, restless, wiggly, and talks a lot. Has a range and intensity of emotions. Is moody and easily frustrated. Can relate feelings. Is competitive, wants to excel, and may put down the "out group." Exhibits "off-color" humor and silliness. Teases and tussles.

5. A Typical 6 th Grader Where they’re going: At eleven years old, the child is making the transition to adolescence. Help by encouraging her as she: –Copes with changes. –Transitions to adolescence. –Works on her interpersonal skills. –Handles peer groups and pressure. –Develops personal interests and abilities. –Takes on greater responsibility for her behavior and decisions.

6. A Typical 7 th Grader Where They Are : The average twelve-year-old is entering the stage in between childish and mature behavior. He: –Is spirited and enthusiastic. –Can "stay put" longer and exercise self-control. –Develops a growing sense of intuition and insight into self and others. –Becomes less moody and may become good-natured around adults. –Becomes increasingly self-reliant and self-centered. –Is curious but not ready for long-term planning. –Has strong desire to be like peers.

7. A Typical 7 th Grader At this age the child is learning how to be independent as she undergoes many changes. Help by encouraging her as she: –Learns to cope with changes. –Makes the transition to adolescence. –Works on interpersonal skills. –Adjusts to peer groups and pressure. –Develops her personal interests and abilities. –Gains a greater sense of responsibility for her behavior and decisions.

8. A Typical 8 th Grader Social –Neatness is a key issue with personal appearance, but not with personal environment. –The mirror is their best friend and worst enemy. –Kids this age are often quieter than 12- or 14-year-olds. –They like to be left alone at home. –Their feelings are easily hurt and they can easily hurt other's feelings. –Kids this age are often mean when they're scared. –Close friendships are often more important to girls. –Boys hang out in groups. –Girls are more interested in older boys. –Both genders have a strong interest in sports. –Telephone, computer, video games, and other electronic diversions are a major time factor. –Music is becoming a major preoccupation. –Peer pressure increases regarding dress, language, music, in-out, being cool. –Kids this age worry about school work. –Their humor is highlighted by increasing sarcasm. –Horseplay and practical jokes are still popular with boys. –Girls enjoy collecting things (jewelry, make-up, CDs).

9. What is Social Health? P. 5 Maintaining (keeping) social health means taking care of the ways in which you get along with other people. You can do this in the following ways: –Have a friendly, open attitude toward other people –Learn to communicate effectively –Respect and care for family members

10. Ways to get along with others… Be a loyal, truthful, and dependable friend Honor other people’s feelings Respect other people’s property Learn to disagree without arguing Learn to resolve conflicts effectively Give support and help when it is needed

11. A Healthful Friendship (CSHE p. 154) A healthful friendship is a balanced relationship that promotes mutual respect and healthful behavior. Having healthful friendships improves the quality of life. Friends take a personal interest in each other. They support each other in their successes and encourage each other during difficult times.

12. “A friend is a gift you give yourself.” Good friends share interests, help each other solve problems, teach each other new things and help each other feel good about themselves. “To have a friend, you must be a friend.” –Making new friends takes time and effort, but it is worth it.

13. Initiating Friendships Before initiating a friendship, it is smart to make a background check on the person. There are questions young people should ask themselves about a prospective friend. –What do I know about this person? –Does this person have good character? –Do my parents or guardians know this person? –Will my parents or guardians approve of my spending time with this person?

14. Carrying on a Conversation Many young people worry about how to talk with another person. Success in developing new friendships often depends on having the ability to carry on a conversation.

15. Conversation Keepers Asking questions Showing interest in what someone else is saying Listening carefully Responding to others Considering other ideas Using correct grammar Encouraging another person Being positive Sharing your ideas and feelings Encouraging someone to talk Making eye contact

16. Conversation Killers Talking about yourself Appearing disinterested in what someone else is saying Interrupting someone Changing the topic Being a know-it-all Using slang words BraggingComplaining Talking about others Dominating the conversation Avoiding eye contact

17. Handling Rejection Everyone experiences rejection at times. Rejection is the feeling of being unwelcome or unwanted. How should a person respond to rejection? –Hurt, anger, or disappointment should be expressed in a healthful way: Use I-messages to share your feelings with the person who rejected your gestures of friendship Share your feelings with a trusted adult if you are unable t share them with the person who rejected your friendship gestures Reaffirm your high self-worth even when a person rejects your friendship

18. Balanced Friendships A friendship requires the commitment of two people. A balanced friendship is a friendship in which two people give to and receive from each other acts of kindness. Giving and receiving are valuable to a friendship.

19. Ways to Give Listening when a friend is discouraged Helping a friend celebrate a success Buying a friend a special gift on a special occasion Can anyone think of any more?

20. Ways to Receive Listening to a friend’s compliments Accepting a friend’s gifts Accepting a friend’s help When a friend goes the extra mile, a person should express gratitude.

21. One-Sided Friendships A one-sided friendship is a friendship in which one person does most of the giving and the other person does most of the receiving. There are at least 2 reasons why a person might choose to do most of the giving in a friendship. –First, people who do most of the giving in a friendship may be people pleasers. A people pleaser is a person who constantly seeks the approval of others.

22. Second Reason They do not know how to receive acts of kindness from others. They are uncomfortable accepting gifts of time or support from others. They have never learned to rely on others to meet any of their needs. So they play the role of the giver in most of their relationships.

23. Assignment Get into a group of 3. You will perform a skit on one of the following: –One-sided friendship –Giver role in the friendship –Receiver role in the friendship –A balanced friendship –A people pleaser ** DO NOT tell the class which skit you are doing.

24. Lesson 2 BELL ACTIVITY A people pleaser is someone who: A. Speaks at events. B. Likes to please people. C. Seeks the approval of others D. Wants to be liked and noticed by others. E. All of the above. F. All of the above, except A.

25. Health Goal # 41 I will develop skills to communicate appropriately with others.

26. Ending Friendships p. 156 CSHE Changing friends is a part of growing up. Friendships change for many reasons. A friend may move away and not keep in touch. A friend may break confidence and the relationship is never the same again. Sometimes interests change, and new friends replace old ones.

27. Ending Friendships However, there are times when a person needs to be objective about a friend and decide if that person truly is a friend. For example, if a friend regularly encourages wrong actions or actions contrary to one’s own values, it might be time to end the friendship.

28. Dating Skills 101 1. DO NOT base your self-worth on your ability to get a date. 2. Ask questions and get the facts before accepting a date. 3. Decline a date when there will be pressure to do things against your own values. 4. Honor your dating commitments and don’t change your plans if someone “better” comes along.

29. Dating 101 5. Recognize the advantages of dating a variety of people rather than going steady. –The teen years provide an opportunity to practice dating skills. 6. Make a fast exit from a date when you find yourself in a situation that violates your parents’ or guardian’s guidelines. –The faster you leave a bad situation, the better!

30. Dating 101 7. Don’t hesitate to call your parents or guardian if you’re on a date and need help. 8. Feel comfortable about staying home when you don’t want to date. 9. Be clear about your expectations when you give or receive a gift in a dating situation.

31. Dating 101 10. Be honest and kind when you turn someone down for a date. –This situation should be handled with lass and is an opportunity for you to practice social graces. –Thank the person for the invitation. –The best policy is to avoid dishonesty.

32. Relationships (Friend) A relationship is a connection a person has with another person. A person’s health status is affected by the quality of the relationships he/she has with others. A healthful relationship is a relationship that promotes self-respect, encourages productivity and health, and is free of violence or drug misuse and abuse.

33. Harmful Relationships A harmful relationship is a relationship that harms self-respect, interferes with productivity and health, and includes violence or drug misuse and abuse. The people pleaser. –The people pleaser constantly seeks the approval of others. A people pleaser will do almost anything to be liked, including harmful behavior such as using alcohol or other drugs.

34. The People Pleaser Other people describe people pleasers as “doormats” because others can walk all over them with no consequences. People pleasers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships because others do not respect them.

35. The Enabler The enabler supports others’ harmful behavior. The enabler might deny or overlook another person’s harmful behavior, such as drinking, gambling or cheating, and make excuses or cover up for that person. The enabler might contribute to another person’s harmful behavior.

36. The Clinger The clinger is needy and dependent. The clinger feels empty inside and constantly turns to another person to feel better. When the clinger has this person’s attention or affection, the clinger feels better. Clingers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space.

37. The Fixer The fixer tries to fix other people’s problems. Fixers take on problems that are not their responsibility but are the responsibility of another person. Fixers are quick to give advice. They will identify different possible solutions to the other person’s problems and try them for the person. In the process of getting involved with other people’s problems, fixers avoid their own feelings and problems.

38. The Distancer The distancer is emotionally unavailable to others. The distancer keeps other people from getting too close in a number of ways, such as being too busy to spend time with other people and avoiding sharing feelings. Distancers keep other people at a distance to avoid getting hurt. Distancers sabotage their chances to have a healthy relationship by not risking emotional involvement.

39. The Controller The controller is possessive, jealous, and domineering. The controller seeks power. Controllers might tell another person what to do, what to wear, and what to believe, and they do not like to share the object of their attention with anyone else. Controllers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships by not respecting the interests or opinions of others and trying to dominate them.

40. The Center The center is self-centered. It is almost as if the center is wearing a badge that says, “ME, ME, ME.” Centers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships by focusing on being the center of attention and ignoring others’ needs.

41. The Abuser The abuser is a person who is abusive. The abuser might constantly put others down or harm others. The abuser might threaten, begin fights, and act in other violent ways, such as forcing another person to do something they don’t want to. Abusers sabotage their chances of having healthful relationships by threatening or harming others.

42. The Liar The liar does not tell the truth. Honesty is a foundation in any healthful relationship – people base many of their responses to others o what others tell them in conversation and actions. When a liar does not tell the truth, other people respond based on false information, doing and saying things they might not have done or said had they known the truth. This is exactly what the liar wants! Liars sabotage their chances at having a healthful relationship by lying to others to get the response they want.

43. The Promise Breaker The promise breaker is not reliable. The promise breaker will make pans with another person and then be a “no show,” opting instead to do something better than has come along. Promise breakers sabotage their chances at having healthful relationships by not keeping their word.

44. Activity EXAMPLE: A Promise Breaker & A People Pleaser - The promise breaker makes plans to go to a movie with a people pleaser. What happens? Get into a group of 2. You will EACH choose a “profile” of a harmful relationship. Ex: People pleaser, enabler, clinger, fixer, distancer, controller, center, abuser, liar, promise breaker. Then, you will act out a “MATCH UP”

45. Lesson 3 BELL ACTIVITY Which of the following profiles is that of a person who is needy and dependent? –A. Fixer –B. Distancer –C. Clinger –D. Liar

46. Health Goal # 42 I will develop skills to adequately listen to others before jumping to conclusions.

48. A Group of Friends vs. A Clique Figuring out friendship is part of growing up. It can be great to have a BFF or a group of pals to hang out with. It can be great to have a BFF or a group of pals to hang out with. Being part of a group can help make your day easier to deal with — and you can learn some great life skills like being a good listener, sharing experiences, and respecting people.

49. Groups can form around things people have in common. So jocks, goths, preps, skaters, and even the math club are naturally drawn together because they share similar interests. The people in these groups feel they have a place where they are welcome and supported, and where they can be themselves, quirks and all. The people in these groups feel they have a place where they are welcome and supported, and where they can be themselves, quirks and all. Some people form groups from being in drama club, or liking the same music or movies, or even just because they like to hang out at the mall. Some people form groups from being in drama club, or liking the same music or movies, or even just because they like to hang out at the mall.

50. Some groups stick together for a long time. Others drift apart after a while as people develop new interests, make different friends, or just find they have less in common. People can move in and out of different groups and can even be part of several at the same time. Even within a group, people often have one or two friends they feel closest to and enjoy the most.

51. Some friendship groups seem pretty flexible and welcome people to join in. Others seem much more restricted, though. People in these groups make it clear that not just anyone can be part of their crowd. That type of restricted group is sometimes called a clique.

52. What’s the deal with cliques? Cliques are tight groups that usually have a strict code of membership and ways to act. Instead of being centered on shared values and beliefs, many cliques tend to focus on maintaining their status and popularity. For instance, a certain clique may try to make it seem like the people in the clique are "better" than those outside, or that their clique is higher status than another clique.

53. People in cliques sometimes use their power to hurt others on purpose, either by excluding them, being mean, or both. Sometimes they might insult people by trying to "fix" them or give them "makeovers." Sometimes it becomes more serious and someone outside the group is targeted or victimized for being, looking, or acting different.

54. Unlike regular groups of friends, where members are free to socialize with others outside the group, people in cliques do everything together. They sit together in class, go to the mall together after school — and they only do stuff with other clique members or people they decide are "cool."

55. Although people might think it's better to belong to a clique than to be excluded, many times people in cliques end up dealing with lots of pressures and rules. They soon start to worry about whether they'll continue to be popular or whether they'll be dropped. After a while, they may begin to realize that true friends wouldn't be so bossy or demanding.

57. The View from the Inside It's not all roses inside a clique either. A person's standing within the group can always be under threat. Most of the followers cling to the leader not out of true friendship but because they want to keep their position in the group. But even the leader can lose her power.

58. Falling in a clique… In fact, the queen bee in a strong girl clique probably worries as much — or even more — about being popular and accepted as the outsiders do. Because no one feels secure, clique members often use the tools of flattery, humiliation, or rumors to manipulate situations and preserve their status.

59. Be Confident A few girls manage to stay friends with people both inside and outside the clique. But that can be hard to do because there's often intense pressure from the group to be friends only with people on the approved list. It takes a lot of self-confidence to dare to be friends with someone outside the clique.

60. Surviving Cliques Know yourself — and your reputation. –Now is a time for getting in touch with your values, interests, and beliefs. –If you're encountering cliques, it's a good opportunity to ask yourself some self- discovery questions about what you and your true friends give each other.

61. Surviving Cliques Stay involved in activities that make you feel good about yourself. – If you're in a clique, don't let the group pressure you into giving up things you love or spending time and money on things that aren't important to you. –If you're on the outside and feeling left out, getting involved in things that interest you is a great way to find a sense of belonging, help you feel valued, and take your mind off a group that's not welcoming.

62. Surviving Cliques Keep your social circles open and diverse. –Cliques can be very limiting in the way they control how members look, think, dress, and behave. –Don't let them make you miss out on getting to know people who may become close friends. –If you're on the outside, it can help to find a close friend or group of friends whose values, goals, and behaviors fit in with yours.

63. Surviving Cliques Speak out. –If you feel your group of friends is turning into a clique, take a stand for your beliefs. –Be prepared that the clique might go on without you (remember those girls who feel threatened by someone else's strength). – But there's also a chance that others might follow your lead and stop acting so clique-y.

64. Surviving Cliques Have a mind of your own. – Be sensitive to others and don't go along with what you don't believe is right — even if others are doing it. –You are the only one responsible for how you act. True friends will respect your mind, your rights, and your independent choices. –Even if someone tells you to do something that is "just a joke," say no if you know it's not right. Try not to be intimidated.

65. The Real Secret Be a good friend yourself. People who enjoy true and lasting popularity are those who have good friendship skills. Being a friend means being respectful, fair, interested, trustworthy, honest, caring, and kind. So if you want to have friends, be just the kind of friend you'd like to have and stay true to who you are

66. Closing Write a one page paper on the type of friend you want to be. Turn in when finished. Have a good day! Have a good day!