1. Gaming By the ranter, TheChrisD – thechrisd.com

2. What is gaming? The art of playing video games on one of many formats. In a way, the art of playing board or card games – but not as much. It is not the art of playing Snake, or whatever iPhone app on your phone on those boring bus/train/tram journeys. It also means something else (as in “to game the system”) but that’s not important right here.

3. The formats Xbox 360 PC Nintendo DS Nintendo Wii Playstation 3 …and other ones no- one else really gives a crap about

4. What is a gamer? Generally a gamer is someone who plays video games - which can be broken down into four major types: 1. Casual gamer – The wimps 2. Hardcore gamer – Spends as much time as possible playing games. 3. Retro gamer – Boring old noobs. 4. Import gamer – Someone who really should just move to Japan already. 5. Pro gamer – Like the hardcore, only they make money out of it.

5. Becoming a gamer Purchase your preferred format With the exception of Nintendo consoles, come up with your handle/persona/gamertag: a genuinely annoying name using a combination of as many i’s, x’s, l’s and numbers as possible. Join a clan or gaming group that contain the words “Pro”, “Uber”, “Leet/1337” or other similar important-sounding words in the title.

6. Achieving the mindset of a gamer 1. Compare everything to a well-known video game, and 2. Learn a wide vocabulary of profanities, and memorise key insult phrases. 3. Constantly brag about your skills, even when you have none whatsoever. 4. Over-react to every minor accomplishment you happen to make, in order to inflate your ego.

7. Retro Gaming Only good if: Modern revamp or re- write (Ikaruga, Jetpac Refuelled) Open Source version (OpenTTD) ROM Hack (VIP series of Super Mario World hacks)

8. Baby Bear in gaming