1. “Are you a real man?”

2. “Of course I am, baby. Was there any doubt?”

3. “Then you have to treat me with respect. That means no name calling, no pushing me around, and I’m not sure I like you calling me ‘baby.’ I hardly know you.”

4. What is Relationship Aggression? Domestic Violence/Abuse Domestic Violence/Abuse Dating Violence/Abuse Dating Violence/Abuse Physical, Sexual, Psychological Physical, Sexual, Psychological Physical: hitting, kicking, punching, slapping, using physical force Physical: hitting, kicking, punching, slapping, using physical force

5. Who does it? Perpetrator and victim can be either male or female Perpetrator and victim can be either male or female Most common scenario is male perpetrator and female victim Most common scenario is male perpetrator and female victim This activity will use a male perpetrator and female victim in its examples, but remember, either sex can take on either role This activity will use a male perpetrator and female victim in its examples, but remember, either sex can take on either role Victim Bystande r Perp

6. “She started it.” Society tends to overlook it if the female started the violence. We focus on the male’s actions Society tends to overlook it if the female started the violence. We focus on the male’s actions You will get in trouble if you let it escalate You will get in trouble if you let it escalate It doesn’t matter. You have to stop it.

7. “She deserved it.” “C’mon man! No one deserves to be the victim of violence.”

8. “I didn’t do it.” Look at why the claim is being made Look at why the claim is being made People have different definitions of violence People have different definitions of violence If she thinks what your doing is violent, don’t do it If she thinks what your doing is violent, don’t do it Yes you did

9. The Cycle of Violence Explosion Tension Building Remission or Honeymoon

10. Stage 1: Tension Building Tension builds around victim Arguing, blaming, anger toward victim Victim tries to please aggressor

11. Stage 2: Explosion Event of severe violence Built-up stress and tension eliminated Victim blames self

12. Stage 3: Remission or Honeymoon Aggressor supports victim Aggressor offers justifications and apologies Shortens in length over time, and may eventually disappear

13. Reflection: Tension-Building Think about how tension built up before violence happened Think about how tension built up before violence happened What was happening? What was happening? What were you feeling? What were you feeling?

14. Reflection: Explosion Think about the explosion Think about the explosion What happened? What happened? How did you feel? How did you feel?

15. Reflection: Honeymoon Think about the honeymoon period that came after the explosion Think about the honeymoon period that came after the explosion How did you act during this stage? How did you act during this stage? How did you feel? How did you feel? How long did the honeymoon last? How long did the honeymoon last?

16. Reflection: The Cycle Did the cycle repeat itself? Did the cycle repeat itself?

17. What is violence?

18. Violence in your Past What were you taught about violence as you grew up? What were models of violence that you grew up with? You still have to accept responsibility for your own actions.

19. Your Personal Strengths What are your strengths? What are you good at? What are your strengths? What are you good at? Use your strengths to help deal with situations that could potentially turn violent Use your strengths to help deal with situations that could potentially turn violent

20. Your Plan for Keeping a Cool Head Plan to help avoid using violence in the future Plan to help avoid using violence in the future Complete “My Plan for Keeping a Cool Head” worksheet Complete “My Plan for Keeping a Cool Head” worksheet

21. Step 1: Identify Warning Signs Breathing hard Breathing hard Increased heart rate Increased heart rate Tunnel vision Tunnel vision Repetitive movements (like tapping) Repetitive movements (like tapping) Trouble focusing on environment Trouble focusing on environment Voice changes Voice changes Sweating Sweating Shaking or trembling Shaking or trembling Clenched jaw Clenched jaw

22. Step 2: Things to Tell Myself Write down some of your personal strengths from the worksheet Write down some of your personal strengths from the worksheet Use these to help you avoid using violence in the future Use these to help you avoid using violence in the future

23. Step 3: Avoiding Violence Walk away Walk away Take a deep breath Take a deep breath Take a break from the relationship Take a break from the relationship Listen to music Listen to music Take a nap Take a nap Talk to somebody Talk to somebody Read a book Read a book Have something to eat Have something to eat Watch TV or a movie Watch TV or a movie

24. Step 4: People I can Talk To Teachers Teachers Family members Family members Mentors Mentors Religious leaders Religious leaders Friends Friends Neighbors Neighbors Counselors Counselors Specific names of people Specific names of people

25. Your Finished Crisis Prevention Plan What will you do with this? What will you do with this? Where will you keep it? Where will you keep it?

26. What are you going to do?

27. References Ozark Guidance, (n.d.). Anger management: Recognizing anger signs. Retrieved January 19, 2008, from http://www.ozarkguidance.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&i d=5812&cn=116. Ozark Guidance, (n.d.). Anger management: Recognizing anger signs. Retrieved January 19, 2008, from http://www.ozarkguidance.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&i d=5812&cn=116. Domestic Violence Intervention Center, (n.d.). The cycle of violence. Retrieved December 21, 2007, from http://www.dvic.org/Cycle-of-Violence.php. Domestic Violence Intervention Center, (n.d.). The cycle of violence. Retrieved December 21, 2007, from http://www.dvic.org/Cycle-of-Violence.php. Murray, Christine E. & Kardatzke, Kerrie N. (2007). Dating violence among college students: Key issues for college counselors. Journal of College Counseling, 10, 79-89. Murray, Christine E. & Kardatzke, Kerrie N. (2007). Dating violence among college students: Key issues for college counselors. Journal of College Counseling, 10, 79-89. Seligman, Martin E. P. (2002). Authentic happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. New York: Free Press Seligman, Martin E. P. (2002). Authentic happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. New York: Free Press