1. Using Rhetorical Strategies to Help the Reader Understand and Remember What’s Important

2. Rhetorical Strategies: Sentences Controlling passive voice Pruning –Choose words for precision –Consider combining sentences Clarifying pronoun reference Controlling abstraction Combining or dividing sentences Unstuffing sentences

3. Passive Voice Active Voice l Elapsed time is indicated by a pointer. l The project was completed by the installation crew. It is suggested that readings be recorded hourly. l A pointer indicates elapsed time. l The installation crew completed the project. l I suggest you record readings hourly. Rhetorical Strategies Which is better?

4. Controlling Passive Voice Passive Voice –literary –longer –more vague –less active verb –emphasizes the thing acted upon –sometimes, the only accurate way to go Active Voice –the way we speak –more concise –says who did it –more active verb –emphasizes the doer of the action –all things being equal, the way to go

5. Should this sentence be changed to Active Voice?

6. Controlling Passive Voice It was discovered during Exxon’s initial modeling efforts that the reservoir was actually a retrograde condensate reservoir. Better: Exxon’s initial modeling efforts showed that the reservoir was actually a retrograde condensate reservoir.

7. When to use which? to emphasize the agent of the action: Previous researchers established the relationship between chemical qualities and model parameters. Active VoicePassive Voice to emphasize the object: The relationship between chemical qualities and model parameters was established by previous researchers. The water sample was heated to a temperature of 100 0 C. to emphasize the action: JMC Consulting recommends that BPAmoco adopt a risk-communication plan

8. Pruning Blackout order of 1942 Such preparations shall be made as will completely obscure all Federal buildings and non-federal buildings occupied by the federal government during an air raid for any period of time from visibility by reason of internal or external illumination President Roosevelt said : “Tell them that in buildings where they have to keep the work going to put something across the windows.” William Zinsser, On Writing Well

9. Word Choice Instead of: utilize deem during the course of with respect to make use of despite the fact that give consideration to Use: use think during about use although consider

10. Pruning One evidence of this expected deep water production increase is the large number of tracts in water deeper than 5000 feet that were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing. Check for these: –forms of the verb “to be” –prepositional phrases –“that” clauses especially when they are all clustered together.

11. Pruning large number of tracts One evidence of this expected deep water production increase is the large number of tracts in water deeper than 5000 feet that were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing.

12. Precision and Clarity X number of tracts in water deeper than 5000 feet were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing. This increase in deep water production confirms...

13. Pruning: Removing the Dead Wood The following report outlines the different aspects relating to the current feasibility of constructing a magnetically levitated bullet train in Central Texas. Guide, section 5.2

14. Pronoun Reference Be sure that the antecedent for each pronoun is clear. Notice the ambiguity of “their” in this example: We reviewed controls protecting the computer from environmental hazards so that we could determine their effectiveness.

15. Pronoun Reference In the future, the accountant responsible for the proofs should initial and date appropriate reports, sign out in the proof log, and revise checklist procedures accordingly. This will clearly indicate who has done the proof and when it was performed. procedure

16. Empty Pronouns It was subsequently confirmed by NOEX USA that the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d. This meant that the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in.

17. Empty Pronouns It was subsequently confirmed by NOEX USA that the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d. This meant that the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in. (36 words) NOEX USA subsequently confirmed the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d, meaning the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in. (30 words)

18. Abstractions: Turning Verbs into Nouns The thermal decomposition of the TMAH occurs rapidly at these temperatures and results in the formation of trimethylamine and methyl alcohol. TMAH decomposes quickly at these temperatures and forms trimethylamine and methyl alcohol.

19. Use these strategies to make concepts concrete Visual imagery Examples Comparisons Descriptions Questions In many clinical situations, such as mammography, there is a need to distinguish between different kinds of soft tissue – between tumors and normal tissue, for instance. Because the absorption is small to begin with, and differences in density and composition are slight, standard x-ray imaging is not as successful at this task.

20. Combining Sentences: longer sentences may produce a shorter passage. Does combining these sentences improve their readability? What problems does combining solve? The population explosion in and around the Austin area has proved to be problematic regarding water-drainage structures. It has particularly affected the Brushy Creek area in southern Williamson County.

21. Combining Sentences The population explosion in and around the Austin area has proved to be problematic regarding water-drainage structures, particularly in the Brushy Creek area in southern Williamson County.

22. Noun Strings When you run a string of nouns together and make some of them act as adjectives, your reader gets really confused really fast. Phrases such as these: community environment decision making processes volunteer group greenway initiators make it hard to tell quickly who is doing what to whom.

23. Sometimes, you have to unstuff a sentence! community environment decision making processes Try adding prepositions... process by which a community makes decisions about environmental issues.

24. Noun Strings – these sentences need unstuffing

25. Better... Though not shorter!