1. Habits: Form New Ones and Break the Bad Ones sakhisanga@gmail.comsakhisanga@gmail.com, sakhisanga.blogspot.com, Facebook.com/Sakhisanga

2. Habits : Your Behavior

3. Habits : Your Daily Routine

4. Event A learned behavioral response that has become associated with a particular situation, esp one frequently repeated

5. State of Mind and Being- Your belief System, your Internal Thermostat!

7. State of being dependent on something

8. Having No Habits Is Also A Habit!!

9. Stephen Covey once wrote, “Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.”

10. How are habits formed? Association and Contemplation Upbringing People, Friends, Culture, Media, Sights and Sounds, Conceptions Bhagavad Gita References: 2.62-63, 15.7-9

11. How are habits formed? Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Bhagavad Gita: 3.36-37

12. How are habits formed? Bhagavad Gita: 3.36-37

13. How are habits formed?

14. What is our Reward? RepetitionReward I slap/ yell back/ scream I feel powerful, authoritative and in control I don’t do something I have been told to do By not doing that I got a chance to do something more interesting for myself. OR I feel I was able to get back to my present or past authority. Chewing my nails when I am stressed I feel relaxed Smoking, Drinking or Doing drugs I can drown out the pain from life, I feel I am on a high Shopping I feel my purchases have enhanced my life OR have helped me satisfy my lacking in the heart OR will help me project that I am rich I procrastinate I don’t have to feel the boredom and pressure of doing the work till later I hate and criticize I feel better about myself. I also don’t have to get close to people I blame someone else for the situation I do not have to own my part. I do not fall in trouble. People do not think badly about me

15. I did not do well in college so I cannot do well anywhere Our excuse for not living our best life In my culture this is how we behave! I am a _______ type so I do ______ I am not good enough I am the best so how can any feedback or lecture apply to me If situation X arises I do Y If someone slaps me I slap them back If someone does not acknowledge my presence, I don’t say “Hare Krsna” to them I am a rich person and I have a high standard I do this because my parents did this and this is right thing I am powerless, because my husband/ mother/ boss is in control I did this thing because my husband wanted me to I did it like this because I was forced to The principles of Bhakti are true but they do/will not work for me

16. We discover that these habits limit our creativity, render us ineffective, or cause us to suffer and block us from developing a relationship with Krsna. Soul identifies with this identitySoul identifies with this identity Habits =Blueprint= Comfort Zone=Attachment=Fears=Patterns= Conditioning=Memes=Identity Bhagavad Gita Reference: Chapter 16

17. Habits =Blueprint= Comfort Zone=Attachment=Fears=Patterns= Conditioning=Memes=Identity Gopi bhartur pada kamalayor dasa dasa das anu dasa- I am eternal soul, servant of Krsna and His devotees. False Self ! Real Self! Bhagavad Gita References: Chapter 16 Trying to be sacidananda through the false self leads to frustration!

18. Are we just like the mice trapped in a Digital Skinner box or is there a way out? Bhagavad Gita :7.14

19. Through Self Observation, Self Acceptance, Practice and Detachment and above all Prayer we can overcome the bad ones and strengthen the good ones Bhagavad Gita References: 14.11, 6.34-35,7.14

20. Exercise!! Step 1 – Write down the bad habit you are trying to quit. Start Simple. Choose Just One!! Step 2 – Remember the last time you found yourself doing it. Observe your behavior objectively, almost as an outsider might see you.

22. Step 2: – Note the details in black in your observation Rationale for your response Feelings Physical Sensations Event Trigger Resulting Behavior(Habit) (energy, tension, tightness, warmth, numbness anger, anxiety, joy, excitement Observable as language (stories, interpretation, justification, etc.) Reward!

23. Share your observations with your partner!

25. How do you feel about yourself or others in the situation?

26. I did it because she/he is bad, nasty, wrong in doing this to me I am so stupid, bad, useless,good for nothing I am the best. Everyone should think I am the best and that there is nothing imperfect about me. I care for myself(image and self image) I am the best. Everyone should think I am the best and that there is nothing imperfect about me. I care for myself(image and self image) I can accept myself only if I am perfect By doing this, somewhere we are trying to compete with Krsna as the most perfect person. I want to be better than somebody is the biggest disease. I am trying to fill an inner lacking by being so

27. Look at the situation as a third person. Can you lovingly accept the imperfect person?

28. Self –Acceptance is being and neutral and compassionate. I am tiny and imperfect, yet lovable. Krsna loves me unconditionally- I will make the change because I wish to reciprocate with His love I did it because she triggered me. Its not my fault How could I do something so stupid? Hmm. That was not very nice of me to respond like that. I really hurt her. She must have felt terrible I lovingly accept myself with my imperfect parts. I don’t have to convince myself or others that I was perfect in responding in the wrong way. I care for myself. I lovingly accept myself with my imperfect parts. I don’t have to convince myself or others that I was perfect in responding in the wrong way. I care for myself.

29. Step 3:Self Acceptance – Don’t beat yourself up – Don’t cover for yourself – Be neutral and compassionate!! I am tiny, imperfect and lovable I deeply care for myself, my relationship with Krishna – Krsna is loving, He accepts us completely with all our faults – Compassionate to my own myself- accepting myself in that situation then from the platform I can bring about some change. – E.g. If we hurt someone but they still love us, then we are inspired to make a change so we do not hurt them again. E.g parents love their child anyway- so the child feels the impetus to change. Am I comfortable with myself being imperfect? Can I tolerate myself with my imperfect parts?

30. Step 3:Self Acceptance From Acceptance comes Transformation Self Acceptance Humility Impetus to Change

33. Step 4:Prayer We feel humbled by our behavior. We find this internal work very hard to do on our own We cry out the Holy Names so Krsna protects us from ourselves Self AcceptanceHumility Impetus to Change Really cry out to Krsna for help

36. Over the week Is the reward in the habit you are trying to fix really worth it! Develop an awareness of the triggers and the three gears that go in motion: – Physical Sensations – Feelings – Rationale for your response Note whether you are self accepting of the observations you have made about yourself Rationale for your response Feelings Physical Sensations

37. Next Week We will encourage some of you to share your observations during the week Prayer Detachment – What is? – Its role in Habit Change Replacing Bad Habit circuit with the Good Habits by aspiring for better Rewards

38. QUESTIONS / COMMENTS/ ADDITIONS Thank you!

39. APPENDIX Reference verses from Bhagavad Gtia for the topics discussed Other related material

40. Our excuse for not living our best life Memes : – “thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes in your mind that can be spread to and from other people’s minds.” – Memes are ideas that are transmitted, like viruses, and take up residence in our heads. – Their presence can influence our behavior and limit us in ways we don’t even notice unless we make a real effort to examine what we think and why. – Memes die hard because they’ve become who we think we are.

41. The self

42. HABITS FORMATION THROUGH ASSOCIATION AND CONTEMPLATION

43. Bg 2.62Bg 2.62 — While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person develops attachment for them, and from such attachment lust develops, and from lust anger arises. Bg 2.63 — From anger, complete delusion arises, and from delusion bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost one falls down again into the material pool. Bg 2.63

44. HABITS FORMATION THROUGH REPETITION AND REWARD Why do we act out our habits as if pulled by a force- see Lord Krsna’s answer to Arjuna’s question

45. Bg 3.36Bg 3.36 — Arjuna said: O descendant of Vṛṣṇi, by what is one impelled to sinful acts, even unwillingly, as if engaged by force?

46. Bg 3.37 — The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: It is lust only, Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material mode of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring sinful enemy of this world. Bg 3.37

47. Bg 15.7Bg 15.7 — The living entities in this conditioned world are My eternal fragmental parts. Due to conditioned life, they are struggling very hard with the six senses, which include the mind. Bg 15.8 — The living entity in the material world carries his different conceptions of life from one body to another, as the air carries aromas. Thus he takes one kind of body and again quits it to take another. Bg 15.9 — The living entity, thus taking another gross body, obtains a certain type of ear, eye, tongue, nose and sense of touch, which are grouped about the mind. He thus enjoys a particular set of sense objects. Bg 15.8 Bg 15.9 Senses and body are grouped about the mind The present and next, life path and bodies we get is dependent upon our habits and choices

48. SELF OBSERVATION- MODE OF GOODNESS - PAUSE

49. BG 14.11 — The manifestation of the mode of goodness can be experienced when all the gates of the body are illuminated by knowledge. BG 14.11 Cultivate the mode of goodness: Gita wisdom encourages us to regain our rightful position as the master of our impulses by cultivating the mode of goodness. The Bhagavad-gita (14.11) states that the mode of goodness illuminates our senses with wisdom. This indicates that the mode of goodness gives us the inner illumination with which to use our outer senses wisely. How can we cultivate the mode of goodness? One practical and powerful way is by installing and activating an internal pause button. Just as a pause button halts an electronic device in mid-action, our internal pause button halts our psychophysical device – our body and mind – in mid-action. How can we develop such an internal pause button? Through Self Observation. Review exercise on next page

50. Step 2: – Note the details in black in your observation Rationale for your response Feelings Physical Sensations Event Trigger Resulting Behavior(Habit) (energy, tension, tightness, warmth, numbness anger, anxiety, joy, excitement Observable as language (stories, interpretation, justification, etc.) Reward!

51. How can we develop such an internal pause button? Through constant practice and detachment(Bhagavad Gita verses 6.34-6.35) Hindsight: We use 20/20 hindsight to reflect at the end of our day using the exercise in the prev page. We remember that we actually did engage in something we did not want to earlier in the day. We jot down notes about our experience, and become curious. (“Hey! Maybe I really do interrupt!”) Hindsight, closer in time: After several days, we become increasingly attuned to the behavior. We begin to notice it sooner. (“Oops! I just interrupted Anita!”) Still hindsight, but closer in time. In the moment observation: Soon, the internal observer, which we’ve been cultivating, begins to notice what we’re doing as we do it. (“I’m interrupting Sheela right now!”) Because the bulk of our awareness is wrapped up in the critically important thing we’re interrupting Sheela to say, we finish saying it anyway, but awareness is dawning. Before the moment observation, followed by alternate action: We begin to notice our impulse before the behavior. (“I feel my energy increasing and my back straightening. I feel impatient. I know what we should do. I’m about to interrupt Anita. No, this time, I’m going to hear him out instead. Slow down, relax, breathe, listen.”) Now, we are changing our behavior. But it happened simply, easily, almost by itself.

52. Bg 6.34 — The mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Kṛṣṇa, and to subdue it, I think, is more difficult than controlling the wind. Bg 6.34 Bg 6.35 — Lord Śrī Kṛṣṇa said: O mighty-armed son of Kuntī, it is undoubtedly very difficult to curb the restless mind, but it is possible by suitable practice and by detachment. Bg 6.35

53. Bg 7.14 — This divine energy of Mine, consisting of the three modes of material nature, is difficult to overcome. But those who have surrendered unto Me can easily cross beyond it. Bg 7.14