1. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Chapter 8 You and Your Friends

2. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Chapter Outline A. Meeting People 1. Are First Impressions Important? 2. Mistaken Impressions 3. Shyness

3. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall B. Interpersonal Attraction 1. Friendships Are Precious 2. When Friends Get Together 3. Self-disclosure – Those Little Secrets 4. Same-sex, Opposite-Sex Friends 5, Staying Friends or Breaking Up 6. Loneliness

4. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall A. Meeting People: We need both intimate and casual friendships. Those who lack such relationships feel lonesome. People differ in their respective needs for social relationships. Even our momentary moods can influence how social we prefer to be.

5. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 1. Are First Impressions Most Important? First Impressions are those initial impressions we form of others and are based on very little information. First impressions do appear to be most important. In impression management, not all impressions are treated equally. There are a number of factors on which we base our first impressions (see next few slides):

6. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Type of Behavior Matters: Positive behavior is the expected norm. Thus, when someone does something negative, it stands out in our minds. We therefore presume the negative behavior was done intentionally.

7. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Physical Attractiveness is also important: Physical attractiveness of new acquaintances colors our first impressions. Attractive people are judged to be more compassionate, successful, intelligent, interesting, sociable, etc., although this may not be the case in reality. Unattractive others are perceived negatively. People usually settle for someone about as attractive as they are – the matching hypothesis.

8. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Other Factors Also Influence First Impressions: Reputation – hearsay from someone else influences us. Similarity – assumed similarity leads to liking. Propinquity – the less the physical distance, the more the liking. Nonverbal signals – a person’s posture and gestures also influence our attraction to them.

9. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 2. Mistaken Impressions: We often use mental shortcuts (heuristics) to form impressions; thus, the impressions can be incorrect. Stereotypes or widespread generalizations based little on reality also shape our impressions of others. Various errors of judgment also make us misconstrue others. For example, the fundamental attribution error tends to make us focus on traits, not on situations.

10. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Shyness Shy people often are perceived as aloof. Some shy people may experience an extreme form of shyness known as social anxiety. Shy people dislike being shy and see shyness as a personal fault. Shyness can be reduced by learning to censor or cut off self-monitoring of thoughts and behaviors. Shyness is on the rise in America. Some people are finding relief from shyness on the internet.

11. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall B. Interpersonal Attraction The desire for interpersonal connectedness appears to be a fundamental human motive. The more we get to know someone, the more likely the attraction will ripen into friendship.

12. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 1. Friendships Are Precious Friendship can be defined as the affectionate attachment between two or more people. Friendship is more than attraction, though. High quality friendships are characterized by: Helping Disclosure of secrets Praise Loyalty Warmth and closeness

13. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 2. When Friends Get Together: One of the most common activities among friends is the sharing of intimate talk. In intimate talks, friends are participating in self- disclosure – which is the sharing of personal information with someone else. Women are more likely than men to self-disclose. Doing favors for one another is a sign of friendship. Another common activity among friends is social support – a process whereby one individual or group offers comfort and advice to others so they can use it for coping.

14. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 3. Self-disclosure: Those Little Secrets Self-disclosure is defined as the sharing of intimate or personal information with others. Self-disclosure may help us vent or share emotions with another person. This may be a healthy thing to do if done carefully. There are certain “unwritten rules” about self-disclosure. For example: - don’t disclose intimate information to strangers - don’t disclose so much to a friend that he or she feels obligated to disclose equally sensitive material and thus feels uncomfortable. There are gender differences in self-disclosure, with women more willing to disclose information.

15. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 4. Same-Sex, Opposite-Sex Friends Intimacy plays a more central role in women-to-women friendships. Men are not as close to each other as women are to each other. Men typically do “buddy activities (e.g. sports) ” with one another rather than share intimate information. Opposite-sex friends are sometimes used to explore ways to meet others of the opposite-sex.

16. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 5. Staying Friends or Breaking Up There are several reasons friendships break up. One major factor that contributes to the dissolution of friendship is life transition. One friend moves away, takes a new job, or becomes too busy, for example. Another reason friends break up is that trust or confidentiality is broken. Yet a different reason is that friends realize they are more different than they initially thought or that one person experiences personal growth and the other doesn’t.

17. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall 6. Loneliness: Loneliness is a subjective state where the quality and quantity of relations wanted is lower than what is available. College students often report high levels of loneliness. Loneliness tends to decline as we age.

18. Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Loneliness Cont’d Many factors contribute to loneliness, such as low self- esteem, poor social skills, culture, and passivity. People with high levels of emotional intelligence (EQ) report being less lonely than those without high EQ. EQ is defined as the ability to regulate one’s own emotions as well as to be empathic for others’ emotions. The end