1. Rand Essay Revision #1

2. Do Now: Self-Revision Read your own introduction/ highlight the thesis statement. Check that you have listed any traits or ideas in the EXACT ORDER they appear in the essay/ your thesis statement should OUTLINE your essay Make changes in order as needed.

3. Self-Revision Continued Highlight WORD GLUE in your topic sentences & concluding sentences in EACH BODY paragraph If you are missing this word glue, add it in now. If you are missing either the topic sentence or concluding sentence of a paragraph, add it in now.

4. Self-Revision Continued Highlight QUOTES Check that they are blended! If they are not, please blend them now. Label the TCS of each quotation sentence: ◦ Transition, context, and speaker ◦ For example, just when Jack is about to attack Danny, he turns on himself, saying, “quote”. If you are missing the TCS for any quote, add it in now.

5. Random pass to anyone in the room. Read the introduction paragraph only/ label each part of the paragraph in the margin: ◦ Attention-grabber at the beginning ◦ Transition ◦ Thesis statement If any part is missing, please make a note in the margin. If any part does not flow like it should/ if you have to STOP at any point because you’re lost or something doesn’t make sense, put an * in that spot because the writer needs to revise!

6. Pass the essay to a new person. Read the first topic sentence of the first body paragraph and THEN the thesis. Does the topic sentence connect to the thesis? Does it contain word glue back to the thesis? Is it about the first idea listed in the thesis statement? ◦ Make notes as needed.

7. Same person. Read the first body paragraph and label the parts of the paragraph in the margins: ◦ Topic Sentence ◦ Quote #1 ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Quote #2 ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Quote #3 ***(depending on essay) ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Concluding sentence If any part is missing, please make a note in the margin.

8. Pass the essay to a new person. Read the topic sentence of the second body paragraph and THEN the thesis. Does the topic sentence connect to the thesis? Does it contain word glue back to the thesis? Is it about the first idea listed in the thesis statement? ◦ Make notes as needed.

9. Same person. Read the second body paragraph and label the parts of the paragraph in the margins: ◦ Topic Sentence ◦ Quote #1 ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Quote #2 ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Quote #3 ***(depending on essay) ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Concluding sentence If any part is missing, please make a note in the margin.

10. Pass the essay to a new person. Read the topic sentence of the third body paragraph and THEN the thesis. Does the topic sentence connect to the thesis? Does it contain word glue back to the thesis? Is it about the first idea listed in the thesis statement? ◦ Make notes as needed.

11. Same person. Read the third body paragraph and label the parts of the paragraph in the margins: ◦ Topic Sentence ◦ Quote #1 ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Quote #2 ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Quote #3 ***(depending on essay) ◦ Commentary (at least two sentences) ◦ Concluding sentence If any part is missing, please make a note in the margin.

12. Pass to a new person. Skim read the entire essay for PRESENT TENSE VERBS– only OUTSIDE of the quotes!! Danny says, “quote.” Jack screams, “quote.” Circle any verbs that slip into past tense and may need to be changed

13. Pass back to the owner. Take your commentary deeper. HW: Add another sentence of commentary to EACH quote! Use the commentary handout to do this. Write the new sentences into the margins/ back of your essay!!