1. INVOLVING MEMBERS WHO DON’T PLAY WELL ON TEAMS. Leadership Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

2. Who are the members of my team? Contact Dr. Michael J. Martin at membership@nationalgrange.org Do we even see the same teammates?

3. Which team member do you see? Contact Dr. Michael J. Martin at membership@nationalgrange.org

4. Don’t get dragged down  “Misery loves company.”  Be aware of the Debbie and David Downers in your Grange  Make sure you are not sucked up into their world of negativity  Keep your guard up!

5. Listen  It’s tempting to just tune these people out  This rarely stops them  They may argue more forcefully because they think nobody cares about them  Best technique is to use good, normal active listening skills, as you would for anyone else

6. Can you even identify everyone on your team? Contact Dr. Michael J. Martin at membership@nationalgrange.org

7. Use a time limit for venting  There is a difference between being a perpetual pessimist and having an occasional need to vent  Everybody has tough times; sharing feelings can make us feel better  Use the “5-minute rule”  Let a member vent for five minutes  After that, assume he’s entered Downer mode, and proceed with the next steps

8. Don’t agree  It’s tempting to try to appease Debbie Downer to make her stop and go away  You might be inclined to give a little nod or a “what can we do?”  Even though these responses seem harmless, they just throw fuel on the flames

9. Don’t stay silent  If you are clearly listening but say nothing  Your silence will be interpreted as agreement  Worse, if others are present, they too will assume you agree  Silence means you agree with the complainer

10. Do switch extremes into facts  Negative people often speak in extreme terms that match their worldviews  They talk about “never” and “always.”  Your first goal is to switch them to fact-based statements

11. Which side of the team are you on? Contact Dr. Michael J. Martin at membership@nationalgrange.org

12. Move to problem solving  People who whine a lot often feel powerless  They believe the situation is hopeless  Your only chance of ending their negativity is to move them into a problem solving mode  This doesn’t always work, but it’s the only antidote known

13. Where’s your focus? Contact Dr. Michael J. Martin at membership@nationalgrange.org

14. Cut them off  If all your efforts fail  If you deem these people to be hopelessly negative  You need to cut them off  You: “Can we change the subject? You’re really bumming me out. If you want to vent for a couple minutes, fine. If you want me to help you solve the problem, fine. But life is too short to wallow. Let’s move on to something else, OK?”

15. Lessons for team members  From Grange Ritual  In the Fourth Degree, the Master talks about lessons we take from a particularly colorful and very hard stone.   “Let the Agate be to you an emblem of Fidelity. May your principles of manhood and womanhood be as firmly impressed as the lasting colors in the stone, and may our friendship be as firm as the stone itself.”   That speaks to our ability as Patrons of Husbandry to befriend our Brothers and Sisters and maintain those friendships over time.

16. Lessons for team members  From Grange Ritual  Oliver Hudson Kelley had personal values that led him to create the Grange: In answer to an enquiry about his hopes for the downtrodden farmer, Kelley wrote:   I have noticed particularly those engaged in cultivating the soil, who comprise the bulk of the population and among these are noble mind, - rough diamonds that only need the polishing wheel of education to show their real values. 

17. Lessons for team members  From Grange Ritual  In the First Degree, the Overseer exhibits to the candidates a memorandum book, a knife and a pencil. “Note down the new and useful ideas that come to you that they be not lost; for new ideas are the material with which progress is made. The knife is used to prune a straggling branch, to cut off the nests of insects, or to cut a plant whose nature you may wish to study.”   The Overseer continues, “In your intercourse with your fellow beings correct an error kindly, and with the smooth edge of affection, and do not bruise a wound you wish to heal.”

18. Lessons for team members  From Grange Ritual  Again from Brother Davis’ “Notes and Quotes:”   “While the task of establishing a compact, unified, successful, and increasing organization is herculean, and requires the dissemination of exact and accurate knowledge of all its most minute forms, the power to cripple, stagnate, and possibly destroy such an organization is not beyond the ability even of its humblest friends