1. assuredcommunications ™ Dealing with Difficult Behavior Donna Collins Sr. Manager, Learning & Development

2. assuredcommunications ™ Presentation Objective By the time we are done you will be able to: Assess the behaviors that are personally most difficult for you, and understand best practices for dealing with these behaviors Explain how the brain functions under stress, and how to exercise self-management Clarify the difference between passive, aggressive and assertive communication Practice assertiveness tools

3. assuredcommunications ™ Which is your most challenging & Why? The “Sherman Tank” –Attacks. Behaves in abusive, abrupt, intimidating manner, leaving victims on the defensive, feeling overwhelmed and powerless. The “Complainer” –Finds fault with everything. Implies others should be doing something about their problems. May spread rumors. The “Know-It-All” –Bulldozing expert on all matters. Projects absolute certainty and usually leave others feeling one-down, stupid, or worthless. The “Exploder” –Temper Tantrums. Outbursts filled with rage that barely seems under control. The “Wet Blanket” –Negative. Feel as if everything is out of their control. “It won’t work. It’s no use.”

4. assuredcommunications ™ Understanding Your Brain Frontal Lobe Executive Center Planning, prioritizing, organizing, reason, logic, impulse control, empathy Limbic System Emotional Center Memory, learning, emotions Brain Stem Survival Center Fight, flight, freeze (attack or defend) THREAT!!!! www.consciousdiscipline.com

5. assuredcommunications ™ Give the Brain What it Needs 1.Breathe! Take 3 deep breaths to turn off your body’s stress response 2.Address the other person’s need for safety (brain stem) Remain calm Use “safe” language; stick to the facts and be specific Use the “disarming technique” Find and acknowledge some truth in what they are saying 3.Address their need for understanding (limbic system) Reflect both the content and feeling(s) expressed by the other person Acknowledge their position, intention or what they want 4.From your executive center (frontal lobe), tell them what you want or what your position is Find your “big voice”; be clear and direct

6. assuredcommunications ™ Assertiveness Tools Basic Empathic Escalating Confrontive I-Messages Positive Broken Record Disarming

7. assuredcommunications ™ Victim Accountability Model ACCOUNTABLE SITUATION Success or Failure Self-Assessment Learn Prepared Acceptance Encouragement/ Self-Confidence No Learning No Preparation INTENTION CHOICE Denial Self-Doubt Blame Others VICTIM IMPAQ© Create? Promote? Allow?

8. assuredcommunications ™ Power Control Responsibility Whomever you believe to be in charge of your feelings… you have placed in charge of you It’s a Trilogy www.consciousdiscipline.com

9. assuredcommunications ™ Who is Your Power Going To? Responsibility is not a weight to carry, but a key to reclaiming your power Blame is an escape from responsibility and a way to give away your power www.consciousdiscipline.com

10. assuredcommunications ™ Power Under - Passivity Belief: I get my needs met only by pleasing others. I am safe only when others are happy. –Based on inner sense of fear Comes from mind reading Give up own needs Blame & Punish Self –“I can’t take this anymore!” www.consciousdiscipline.com

11. assuredcommunications ™ Power Over - Aggression Belief: I can be safe and get my needs met only by controlling other people and situations. –Based on inner sense of fear Looks like striving Assert one’s own needs without concern for the other’s Blame & Punish Others –“You’re always dominating the discussion. It’s no mystery why we can’t come to a consensus.” www.consciousdiscipline.com

12. assuredcommunications ™ Personal Power - Assertiveness Belief: I can get my own needs met and the world is a safe place –Based on inner sense of safety Self-Control Assert one’s needs while considering those of the other person Assume Responsibility –“I recognize that you want it done by the end of the week. I don’t see how we can accomplish that without adding more resources.” www.consciousdiscipline.com

13. assuredcommunications ™ When you are upset you are focused on what you don’t want Focusing on what you don’t want pits your body chemistry against your willpower www.consciousdiscipline.com The Challenge

14. assuredcommunications ™ Practice Being Assertive Practice in Pairs Get with one other person and take turns practicing assertively telling the person to stop speaking to you the way they are and to speak to you respectfully –Note how you sound, feel and what your thoughts are Exercise:

15. assuredcommunications ™ Thank You! Donna Collins Sr. Manager, Learning & Development