1. copyright ed young, PhD 1 The Structure of Family and Organization Roles on Children’s Personality Development The Structure of a Hypothetical but Typical Set of Parents: Father as Enforcer of Discipline - Mother as Caretaker –In the beginning this structure seems natural but roles begin to, and slowly, progressively, polarize As roles polarize, parents communicate less and children differentiate their concepts of what to expect from each –Children learn how to tell each parent a different story, how to manipulate each parent, and how to play one off against the other The more successful the children are at these games, the more alienated they become from their own true selves and true feelings

2. copyright ed young, PhD 2 An Example of a STRUCTURAL ANALYSIS of the Analogous Roles of Institutional Staff Compared to Parents vis-a-vis Youth By Comparing these two sets of Role Structures: we can gain a perspective on how Structures, in and of themselves, have powerful, determinative influences on the way personalities of our youths are developed. From this perspective, we can explore how to RESTRUCTURE surrogate parent roles to promote healthier development.

3. copyright ed young, PhD 3 The Interaction of Conflicting Parental Roles and Styles of Child Rearing and Their Effects on Their Children Parental Roles and Styles Are Never Exactly the Same. Sometimes These Differences Result in Conflict and a Process of Polarization of Styles That Escalates Over Time.

4. copyright ed young, PhD 4 She’s too soft. I need to get harder. She’s too soft. I need to get harder. I need to get softer. He’s too hard. I need to get softer. He’s too hard. CYCLE OF POLARIZATION TO INCREASINGLY EXTREME PARENTING STYLES Increasingly harsh discipline Increasingly sympathetic understanding Polarization of Roles and Styles FROM INITIAL HARMONY AT THE BEGINNING OF MARRIAGE TO THE BIRTH OF A CHILD AND FROM THEN ON, PARENTS OFTEN SEE EACH OTHER AS BEING ‘TOO MUCH’ IN THEIR PARENTING STYLE AND COMPENSATE BY GOING A LITTLE IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. EVENTUALLY THEY ARE POLARIZING TO GREAT EXTREMES AND AT EACH OTHER’S THROATS BECAUSE OF IT!

5. copyright ed young, PhD 5 Polarization Has a Negative Effect on the Child’s Development Parent AParent B ANGRY HOSTILE SYMPATHETIC COMFORTING UNCONSCIOUS MOTIVATION Maybe I’ll do something really bad and blame it on A and B will take up for me as an ally against A and make A look really bad and be lots of trouble for A! Implicit Parent AImplicit Parent B “I hate you A. I won’t listen to you. When you boss me around, I’ll find some way to not do it or to mess it up. You, too, can to H! I’ll go to B. B will be sweet to me and listen to me tell about how bad I think A really is!” Child of A + B I wonder what is wrong with me? Since A hates me, there must be something wrong with me! If A hates me and B loves me, maybe I really am bad and B just feels a need to pity and be pitied. Parents Taking Opposite Stands Toward the Child Implant Impossible Conflicts in the Child, Setting the Child at War in Its Head, Causing the Child to be Preoccupied With Unresolved Conflicts and be Stressed, Unable to Focus, and Plotting Schemes to Resolve the Conflict

6. copyright ed young, PhD 6 FATHER Responsible for Finances, Being Forceful, and Forcefully Disciplining Children MOTHER Responsible for Health, Welfare, Emotional Well Being, and Persuasive Discipline of Children Child # 1 Child # 2 Child # 1 Child # 2 The Polarization and Specialization of Roles of Parents Vis-a-Vis Children in the Family

7. copyright ed young, PhD 7 In families there are trends toward the polarization of parental roles. Children’s behavior adapts to this pattern by learning deception and manipulation. Such a differentiation of parental roles leads to forming alliances and siding with one parent and developing opposition and deception toward the other, polarizing the parents against one another. Father Responsible for finances and forceful control of and discipline of children. Parents polarized on purchases, distribution of goods and tasks, and control of behavior Mother Responsible for health and welfare and persuasive discipline of children Father: Children go to him for purchases. Superficially obedient, diplomatic, pretentious, deceptive, and resentful toward father. Mother: Children go to her for sympathy, nurturance, and to get out of harsh demands, prohibitions, and punishment from father. Disobedient and manipulative toward mother but open and honest. Sides with mother and tries to form alliance against father. PARENTAL ROLE DIFFERENTIATION AND ALLIANCES Child # 1Child # 2 Child # 1Child # 2

8. copyright ed young, PhD 8 THE POLARIZATION OF STAFF ROLES VIS-A VIS YOUTH IN THE INSTITUTION’S ORGANIZATION

9. copyright ed young, PhD 9 The Polarization of Staff Roles Vis-à-vis Youth in the Institution’s Organization Teaches the Youth to Manipulate, Deceive, Play Dorm Parents off Against Counselors Supervisor and Dorm Parents Responsible for Enforcing Order and Peace in Dorms and Institution Director of Case Work and Counselors Responsible for Counseling, Privileges and Recording Progress #1 Youth Relates to Counselor as good parent and Dorm Parent as Bad Patent #4 Youth Relates to Counselor as good parent and Dorm Parent as Bad Patent #2 Youth Relates to Counselor as good parent and Dorm Parent as Bad Patent #3 Youth Relates to Counselor as good parent and Dorm Parent as Bad Patent

10. copyright ed young, PhD 10 COORDINATING AND UNIFYING ROLES WITH A SINGLE MISSION HELPS TO OVERCOME THE STRUCTURAL CAUSATION OF CHILDHOOD PATHOLOGY

11. copyright ed young, PhD 11 The Role Structure of Institution Staff and Parents Is Analogous and Has Similar Negative Effects An institution’s Supervisors & Dorm Parents & a Family’s Father are enforcers & dispensers of withdrawal of privileges, punishment, & negative feedback to children. Youth perceive them in a negative light, learn to be deceptive toward them, & contrast them with the Counselor/Mother. Alliances are seldom formed with enforcers against nurturers. Enforcers have final control & are targets of demands, resentment, & grievances. The stress both feel in working for peace & survival is repaid by the youth with alienation. An institution’s Counselors & a Family’s Mother are the comforting, understanding, nurturing ones who dispense the goods. Youth perceive them in a positive light, tend to play on their sympathy, confide their hurts, fears, hopes, & desires in them & contrast them with the Dorm Parent/ Father. Children often form alliances with the Mother/Counselor against the Father/Dorm Parent. Mother/ Counselors are both in similar positions as children dependent on the Dorm Parent/Father who has the ultimate, enforcing control.

12. copyright ed young, PhD 12 BONDING MATURITY COACH ADOLESCENT REPLACING IMPLICIT OTHERS WITH MATURITY COACH WORLD VIEW TRANSFORMED AND NOW SEEN THROUGH THE LENS OF THE MATURITY COACH

13. copyright ed young, PhD 13 EXIT AND RETURN>