1. Attraction and Exclusion
Chapter 11
Attraction and Exclusion
I’m starting to like you more and more.
© Wadsworth Cengage Learning

2. Chapter Topics The Need to Belong Attraction: Who Likes Whom?
Rejection

3. Attraction and Exclusion
Anything that draws two or more people together
Social acceptance
People like you and include you in their groups
Rejection (social exclusion)
People exclude you from their groups

4. The Need to Belong
Is the desire to form and maintain close, lasting relationships with other individuals.
Failure to satisfy the need to belong leads to significant health problems, up to and including a higher risk of death.
Belongingness as a Basic Need
Has Two ingredients
Regular social contacts with others
Ongoing relationship characterized by mutual concern

5. The need to belong is an important need!

6. Tradeoffs: Testosterone A Blessing and a Curse
Testosterone: hormone associated with masculinity
Testosterone is a mixed blessing
High testosterone men are more exciting, but less reliable
Testosterone is better suited for finding mates than maintaining stable families
Testosterone peaks around age 20 and declines thereafter
Testosterone drops in new fathers
Technology Tip: “Feminine Males More Attractive” is a student-friendly research review published by the BBC on testosterone, feminine versus masculine faces, and perceived attractiveness (
Technology Tip: Invite students to participate in an online study of perceived attractiveness at

7. Figure These data link low testosterone to a stable marriage; higher levels go with single status and divorce.

8. Best Friends, Lovers, & Groups
Some can satisfy the need to belong by belonging to a group or an organization.
Why is belonging a need, rather than a want?
What are some of the side effects of not belonging?
How can belonging to a group satisfy the need when friends can’t?
Why do you think this works better for men than women?

9. Attraction: Who Likes Whom?
Ingratiation
What people actively do to try to make others like them
Similarity
Common and significant cause of attraction

10. Attraction: Similarity
Spouses tend to be close to each other in IQ, attractiveness, education and socioeconomic status.
Matching hypothesis – is the proposition that people tend to pair up with others who are equally attractive.
Attraction to similar others may lie in evolution and something related more to being social animals than cultural animals.
How does self-monitoring impact the way people socialize?
High self-monitoring: maximize each social situation
Low self-monitoring: interest in permanent connections and feeling

11. Attraction: Similarity (cont’d.)
In what ways are couples usually similar?
How does similarity in attractiveness predict the course of the relationship?
What is the matching hypothesis? How does it predict relationships?
Why are people attracted to similar features in others?
How can evolution explain similarity in attraction?

12. Figure Dissimilarity in physical attractiveness increases the risk of breaking up (White, 1980).

13. Attraction: Similarity (cont’d.)
As cultures progress and form large, complex groups, how does attraction change?
Which group needs dictate the way people seek new members?
Does this change the way people seek friends and lovers? Why or why not?

14. Attraction: Social Rewards
Reinforcement theory
We tend to like the people that make us feel good.
Who do nice things for us and praise us
How does doing favors for someone make them like you?
How does praise inform attraction?

15. Attraction: Reciprocity
How does reciprocity impact attraction?
We like those who like us, and trust promotes expectation of reciprocity.
What are the differences in reciprocity in friendships versus romantic relationships?
How do people respond to unwanted attraction from another person?

16. Attraction: Exposure
What is the propinquity effect? How does it impact people?
How can the mere exposure effect explain the influence of propinquity on attraction?
Technology Tip: The website advises men to take advantage of the mere exposure effect to make it more likely they will be appealing to certain women.

17. Familiarity and Exposure
Why do familiarity and shared experiences promote liking?
How can evolution explain why familiarity promotes liking?
What is the social allergy effect?
How does it compare to the propinquity effect?

18. Figure The longer the relationship continues, the more people are bothered by their partner’s minor annoying habits, and the more negative emotion they have in response to them.

19. Looking Good
What is the “what is beautiful is good” effect? How does it relate to attraction?
How is attractiveness measured?
What do women find attractive in men?
What female body types do men find attractive?
How does body shape influence attractiveness?
How do cultural norms sway opinions about attractiveness and body types?

20. The Social Side of Sex: What Is Beauty?
Beauty in women is linked to being a good mate and partner; therefore, young and healthy is more attractive
Symmetry is a powerful source of beauty
Typicality is a source of beauty
Average or composite faces are more attractive than individual faces
Technology Tip: This project finds a strong relationship between symmetry and dancing ability, especially for men. See details online at “Dance Symmetry Project” (
Technology Tip: Judith Langlois has an extensive website detailing her work on physical attractiveness. See the images of the “average” faces she used in her research along with additional details at the “Langlois Social Development Lab” (

21. Attraction in the 21st Century
How have dating customs changed throughout the centuries?
How are dating customs different across cultures?
How has online dating changed romance?
What are some of the benefits of online dating? What are some of the drawbacks?

22. Rejection (Social Exclusion)
Ostracism
Being excluded, rejected, and ignored
Has been used for centuries to convey a community or individual’s displeasure with someone’s behavior.
Effects of ostracism can be devastating.

23. Effects of Rejection Inner Reactions:
People have negative psychological and physical effects when rejected.
Increases rejection sensitivity.
Hurt varies in relation to the importance of the relationship.
Numbness, including reduced sensitivity to physical pain, is related.
It interferes with cognitive processing and self-regulation.
Rejection does increase attention to social cues.

24. Behavioral Effects of Rejection
Rejected people:
Show decreases in intelligent thought
Approach new interactions with skepticism
Are typically less generous, less cooperative, and less helpful
Are more willing to cheat or break rules
Act in shortsighted, impulsive, and self-destructive ways
Some can turn rejection to a positive experience.
Repeated rejection can result in aggression.
School violence is often the result of social exclusion.
Rejected individual who are able to join another group can act in pro social ways.
Aggression can lead to rejection

25. Loneliness What is loneliness?
What is the difference between temporary and chronic loneliness?
In what ways can loneliness be about quantity or quality of relationships?
How do lonely people differ from non-lonely people? How are they similar?
How do people stave off loneliness?
How is loneliness bad for physical health?

26. What Leads to Social Rejection?
What are the three main reasons children are rejected by peers?
aggression,
withdrawal
deviance
What is the primary reason most adults are rejected by peers?
Deviance

27. Romantic Rejection and Unrequited Love
How can attribution theory help explain the reasons why women refuse the offer of a date?
What is the difference between the real reasons and the reasons given?
How did the reasons given encourage the man to ask again?

28. Romantic Rejection and Unrequited Love (cont’d.)
What is unrequited love? Is a situation in which one person loves another but the other does not return that love.
Which gender is most likely to suffer from unrequited love?
What are the differences in how each party views and feels about the situation?
How does stalking affect people?
Which gender is most likely to be stalked?

29. Restraining orders for stalkers can sometimes be strict. Don’t stalk!

30. What Makes Us Human? The basic need to belong is not unique to humans
How does language allow humans to form relationships? How does it allow humans to reject others?
Why is the human quest for belonging more complex than other animals’?
How do human relationships require cultural involvement?

31. Discussion: Dealing with Rejection
Consider the link between rejection and school shootings
What can communities do to prevent shootings from happening?
What are some healthy and unhealthy methods to deal with rejection?
How often do you employ the healthy methods versus unhealthy methods?

32. Conclusion The need to belong is a powerful drive in humans
People are often attracted to others based on reciprocity, similarity, and propinquity
Groups often reject people who are different, out of fear that a deviant will negatively impact the group