1. EMPATHY ‘The ability to understand the world of another as if it were your own whilst never loosing the ‘as if’ quality’. standing in someone else’s shoes but remembering that they are not yours and you shouldn’t walk off in them…

2. ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS 1a REFLECTION of content Paraphrasing Aim: To communicate back succinctly and briefly key themes. Clarifies. Conveys listening – builds trust. Allows teller to hear own story. ‘You need to talk to me about some concerns that you have following our restructuring.’ Why?

3. 1b REFLECTION of feelings Listening to the bass line Aim: to reflect acknowledgement and acceptance of feelings as well as help identify feelings which have, as yet, not been voiced. Why? ‘You’ve lost confidence in your capabilites.’ ‘Yes that’s right I do feel overwhelmed.’ Hearing the emotional as well as the factual content of the story. To convey interest in its’ fulness – not just the story.

4. 1c REFLECTION of process How the story’s being told, pacing, pauses, silences etc Aim: to articulate and offer back the unspoken dimension of the story Why? Conveys listening and attentiveness at depth – hearing more than just the words. If words are difficult conveys continued interest of listener and can help focus speaker. Try and identify what underlying message is being conveyed- what is being ‘said’ by the pacing. Set it in the context of all the other information you are receiving. ‘I can see how hard it is for you to tell me all this.’

5. When to use reflection Reflection of both content and feelings can be used relatively frequently in order to clarify and communicate listening and understanding. Reflection of process can be particularly useful if communication seems stuck. Remember: reflection only requires a sentence or two Don’t use it to just fill awkward silences.

6. 2 PROMPTS / ENCOURAGEMENT Aim: to convey engagement and listening and to gently encourage continuation nodding ‘mm’ ing ‘ah ah’ing simply repeating the last few words that the speaker has given and leaving space for continuation. ‘there’s no rush, take your time.’

7. CLOSED QUESTIONS Aim: to gather information Closed questions generally invite a simple yes or no answer and do not give the speaker the opportunity to elaborate. OPEN QUESTIONS Aim: to allow the speaker to elaborate and explore their thoughts and feelings more widely ‘How can I help ?’ Have you had any thoughts on other options?’ That’s not such a bad idea now is it?’ 3 QUESTIONS

8. Questions can be helpful but can also take away from the direction that the speaker wants to go in. Questions used to gather information just for the listeners curiosity or as a ‘gap filler’ should be avoided. Use questions wisely and consciously.

9. 4 SUMMARISING Aim: To bring together both content and feeling in one whole, reflecting both back to the speaker. Why? To convey attentive listening at the end of a session. To clarify and ensure correct understanding of content and feelings - particularly important if a lot of information has been given. ‘I can see how hard it is for you to tell me all this Jane. It seems that what we thought was pretty straight forward on paper now seems almost overwhelming for you in practice – you’ve lost confidence in your capabilities.’

10. Non- verbal communication and the sound of silence.

11. Congruence