1. Inner Healing for Self-Growth
Presented by:
James J. Messina, Ph.D.
Available on:

2. So What is Your View of the World?
Let’s see what Louis Armstrong had to sing:

3. Our Goals for Today! To assess if we are a “Can Do” people
To identify what is low self-esteem and where it comes from
To look at the behavioral patterns of Low Self-esteem
To learn about Healthy Self-Esteem
To learn the Tools for Recovery from Low Self-Esteem
To use some CHILD strategies to move us along the path to a healthier more serene being

5. “I THINK I CAN” 5

6. Let’s look closer
We find a little Engine at the beginning of the book chugging, puffing, and “ding donging” along as a happy little train bringing good things to kids on the other side of the mountain
She was happy because she was carrying a full load of things which were good for these little girls and boys
She had cars filled with toy animals, dolls, toy clowns, toy engines, airplanes, tops, jack-knives, puzzles, and books 6

7. Our Engine becomes Down & Out
She also was carrying cars filled with good things for girls and boys to eat like oranges, apples, creamy milk, fresh spinach, peppermint drops and lollypops
Then ALL OF A SUDDEN she stopped with a jerk and she could not get her wheels to turn any longer she became Down & Out!
OH Boy! What were all the good little girls and boys on the other side of the mountain going to do without all these goodies the engine was carrying? 7

8. Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007
Down & Out
Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007 8

9. Consider the Goal of Down & Out
Down & Out was doing a service for others. She was not just delivering items. She was in the process of enhancing and enriching the lives of the girls and boys on the other side of the mountain
Down & Out was not just doing a job, she was in the process of making life better for others
Down & Out was being a Legend to those on the other side of the mountain for the good she was providing them
Down & Out did not feel like she was working a j.o.b. She felt like she was on a mission!
But our little engine became Down & Out 9

10. Are You Down & Out? Have you been experiencing:
A desire to just give up and stop trying
A sense of “is it worth the effort?”
A feeling of being lost and abandoned, forgotten, isolated, alone…….
If so then you need to become a NEW ENGINE to pull the train of your self-esteem out of the rut! 10

11. First up was Shiny the new passenger engine
The first to appear after Down & Out broke down was the Shiny New Engine
The toys on the train pleaded to Shiny to pull their train over the mountain so that the girls and boys on the other side of the mountain would have toys to play with and food to eat
Shiny said: “I am a Passenger Engine entitled to only carry the finest of cars and people and there is no way I would pull the likes of your train! Indeed not!” 11

12. Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007
Shiny
Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007 12

13. Wow! Are you a Shiny?
Do you believe like Shiny that you are entitled to be given good things without putting yourself out to get them?
Are you not open to doing more than the bare minimum to care for yourself and others?
Are you not at all committed to a mission of caring for yourself so you can do for others in the process?
Are you more focused on what minimally you need to do to get by?
Are you self-absorbed with your “Poor Me’ness”?
Are you a Shiny New Engine who can’t? 13

14. Well maybe BIGGIE the Freight Engine will help!
After Shiny went to the round house where engines that are not busy go, along came BIGGIE a Big Freight Engine
Again the toys and dolls asked him to bring the train over to the other side of the mountain to give the good little girls and boys things to play with and food to eat
Well BIGGIE said he was a Freight Engine who had just done major work of great importance and that he would not pull the likes of the children’s train and he puffed off indignantly to the roundhouse 14

15. Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007
BIGGIE
Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007 15

16. Yikes! Are you a BIGGIE?
Are you filled with self-importance and wait for others to recognize your worth and value without extending yourself to others?
Are you so full of yourself that you can only think of your needs and not the needs of others?
Are you always on the defense lest someone ask you to do something that you feel is beneath you?
Are you a BIGGIE who is a “little nobody who thinks of self as being a big somebody” but is one who can’t think outside of him or herself for others? 16

17. Yea! Maybe Rusty, the old engine will do it!
As BIGGIE rolled into the roundhouse, the toys and dolls waved to a dingy, rusty old engine and asked for help
But Rusty sighed and said that he was so tired that he had to rest his weary wheels
Rusty went on to say: I cannot, I cannot, I cannot!... 17

18. Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007
Rusty
Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007 18

19. Ugh!! Are you Rusty ?
Are you so burned out and tired that you do not have the energy or desire to change even if the opportunity is great and rewarding in the end?
Are you so blind by your being a “victim” that you cannot see yourself being a “winner?”
Are you so worn out from the day to day struggles of your life, you have lost any vision or imagination of how things could get better?
Are you Rusty who cannot, cannot, cannot? 19

20. Along comes Little Blue
Little Blue was chugging along merrily when asked by the toys and dolls to carry their train over to the girls and boys on the other side of the mountain
Little Blue was honest with them saying that she was not very big and had never been over the mountain and that she was only used for switching trains 20

21. Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007
Little Blue
Center for Organizational and Relational Excellence ©2007 21

22. Little Blue has a heart for self and other people!
Little Blue listened to the request of the toys and dolls and she was moved when she saw the tears in their eyes as they explained how the children on the other side of the mountain would not have any good things to play with or good foods to eat!
Little Blue thought about the poor children on the other side of the mountain who would be going without and she… 22

23. Little Blue said “I think I can!”
Little Blue hitched herself to the little train and tugged, pulled and slowly started off!
Puff, puff, chug, chug Little Blue started off
Little Blue was saying as she went: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
Up, up, faster and faster she climbed until she reached the top of the mountain, down in the valley was the city with the little girls and boys… 23

24. Little Blue proclaims “I thought I could”
“Hurray” cried the clowns and dolls at the top of the mountain-the little girls and boys in the city would be happy because Little Blue helped the little train achieve its goal!
Little Blue smiled and said “I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could…” 24

25. So are you like Little Blue?
Do you have your mind and heart open to “possibility thinking” rather than “impossibility thinking?”
Do you allow yourself to put yourself out for yourself first and others once your needs are met, knowing that this is extending yourself well beyond your comfort zone?
Do you allow yourself to be optimistic in your outlook and set aside the negatives in your life which could hinder your attitude and perspective on life? 25

26. So are you like Little Blue?
Are you able to take risks to change the way you think, feel, and act in situations like Little Blue or are you stuck like Down & Out, Shiny, BIGGIE, and Rusty?
Are you able to “step out of yourself” and show concern for your’s and others’ needs?
Do you want rewards which are visible or can you be as happy with knowing you are doing good like Little Blue was feeling once she came down the mountain to the city with the train for the little girls and boys? 26

27. So are you like Little Blue?
Are rewards, recognition, and appreciation from others the only way you feel rewarded in life or are you like Little Blue who is rewarded by knowing that you have done the right thing by taking care of yourself and others?
So can you be like Little Blue and develop your “can do attitude?” 27

28. The Little Engine that Could by Walter Piper. Grosset & Dunlap 1978
The Website Home of The Little Engine that Could:
View original The Little Engine 1963 film at: 28

29. What is Low Self-Esteem?
Insecurity
Closed to Others
Poor Decision Maker
Anxious
Fear of Intimacy
Not able to have fun
Black and White Thinker
Poor Anger Control
High Need for Approval
Lots of Guilt
Lots of Depression

31. What is Healthy Self-Esteem?
Sense of Productivity
Sense of Autonomy
Sense of Uniqueness
Altruistic
Leadership Ability
Sense of Competence
Self-Confidence
Healthy Self-Concept
Independent Thinker
Self-Accepting & Loving
Good Decision Maker

32. What Contributes to Low Self-Esteem
Dysfunctional Environments
Bad relationships
Codependent
Has Disability
Non-supportive school, work
Abused
Conditional acceptance and love

33. What causes Dysfunction?
Things more important than people
Mental illness
Major Losses
Abuse
Rigid feelings
Ice Boxes
Addiction
Disability
Big Pay Off

34. 9 Behavioral Patterns of People with Low Self-Esteem
Looking Good
Acting Out
Pulling In
Entertainer
Troubled Person
Enabler
People Pleaser
Rescuer
Non-Feeling

35. Looking -Good Hero High Achiever Over-responsible Driven
Approval Seeker
Looks together
Goal: Denial of Problems

37. Acting Out Scapegoat Irresponsible Trouble-Maker Rebellious
Poor - Under Achiever
Anti-authority
Self-destructive
Caustic
Goal: Divert focus

39. Pulling In Invisible Loner Bookish Quiet - Recluse Hard to know Aloof
Avoid problems
Protect self -overweight
Goal: withdraws to survive

41. ENTERTAINER Clown Mascot Comic Relief Immature Hyperactive
Not taken seriously
Distracter
Attention getting
Talks a lot
Goal: Divert attention

43. Troubled Person Irresponsible Addict Unstable Blame others
Out of control
Broken
Con artist
Denial of problems
Problem for others
Goal: Self-serving

45. Enabling Protect & Save others Over-responsible Co-dependent Nagger
Covers up
Controlling
Demanding
Goal: get troubled people to change

47. Rescuing Helper Motivated Victimized Stuck Irrational Loyalty
Burdened-down
Self-Negated
Unassertive
Goal: reduce tension, hurt & pain

49. People Pleasing Easily liked Placator Always smiling Outgoing Friendly
Courteous
Generous
Fits in
Works hard to please
Goal: get approval

51. Non-Feeling Stoic Nothing bothers Intense thinker Low-Key
Steady even-tempered
No strong feelings
Black & White
Goal: deny feelings to survive

53. Impact of Low Self-Esteem

54. Healthy Adult Self-Esteem

55. Self-Esteem Recovery Model

56. So How About It? Do You Connect with Others?
That’s What Friends are For?:
Your Social Support System is what it is all about as you Recover from Low Self-Esteem!

57. The Tree that Survived the Winter
The Tree that Survived the Winter by Mary Fahy. Paulist Press, 1989.
The Oklahoma Survivor Tree at the Site of the Oklahoma Bombing on 9:01 am April 19, 1995 see the memorial site and survivor tree at:

58. How Similar is Your Story to the Tree’s?
Have you survived being replanted?
Have you survived winters?
Have you tuned into your inner voice?
Have you a social network to rejoice in your successes?
Have you spent time to heal the bruised feelings and emotions from your past?

59. Tools for Healing Low Self-Esteem
TEA
ALERT
ANGER
CHILD
LET GO
RELAPSE

60. TEA System
Thoughts
Emotions
Actions

61. TEA System

62. ALERT System
ASSESS
LESSEN
EASE OUT
RELAX
TAKE STEPS

64. ANGER System
ACCEPT
NAME IT
GET IT OUT
ENERGIZE
RELEASE

68. CHILD System
CALM
HEAL
INFORM
LIGHTEN
DIRECT

70. A Love Song for Our Inner Child
Stevie Wonder sings our Inner Child Anthem: You are the Sunshine of My Life:

71. LET GO System LIGHTEN NEED EXERCISE RIGHTS TAKE STEPS GIVE UP CONTROL
ORDER LIFE

74. RELAPSE System
RECOGNIZE
EXERCISE
LEARN
ACT
PROTECT
SUPPORT
EVALUATE

75. RELAPSE System

77. MIND-BODY CONNECTION BRAIN rational reasoning
HEART-GUT involuntary organic systems
heart rate pressure gastric acid adrenaline
IMMUNE SYSTEM

78. The Velveteen Rabbit
The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams, Double Day Publishers, Website:
The Velveteen Rabbit as told by Meryl Streep:

79. POWER OF HUGGING BIG HUG KIND WORD A TOUCH THANK YOU FORGIVE ME
CAN I HELP
I’M SORRY
CONNECTING
AFFIRMING
VALIDATING
ENCOURAGE

80. The Missing Piece Meets the Big O
The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Siverstein. Harper and Row, 1981.
On You Tube:

81. MISSING PIECE HELPLESS DEPENDENT MANIPULATE SURVIVOR TROUBLED
ACTING OUT
PLEASER
VIOLATES BOUNDARIES
LOW SELF-ESTEEM

82. PERFECT FIT FIXER CARETAKER MANIPULATE INTIMDATOR IDEALIST RESCUER
ENABLER
CO-DEPENDENT
IS VIOLATED
LOW SELF-ESTEEM

83. BIG O SELF-CONTROL DETACHED LETS GO OF CONTROL NO CONDITIONS POWERLESS
RESPONSIBLE
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
ASSERTIVE
HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

84. The Giving Tree
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. Harper & Row, 1964
View original video by Shel Silverstein of the Giving Tree at:

85. THE BOY Always taking, taking, taking Never giving, giving, giving
Always focused on own needs
Never focused on needs of tree
Always self-centered
Never other-focused

86. The Tree Never taking, taking, taking Always giving, giving, giving
Never focused on own needs
Always focused on needs of boy
Never self-centered
Always other-focused – during boy’s lifetime

87. So… Are you the Boy or the Tree? Which would you prefer to be?
Which do you believe would be the healthiest for you to be?
What did you learn from this story?

88. Prayer for Serenity God Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
Wisdom to know the difference
living one day at a time
enjoying one moment at a time
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace
Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it, not as I would have it
Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to your will
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen

89. Is the way to experience life to its fullest by appreciating each day
HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM
Is the way to experience life to its fullest by appreciating each day
one day at a time

90. So What is Your View of the World?
Let’s see Louis Armstrong’s words as he sings our theme: What a Wonderful World!!!