1. SEAL RELATIONSHIPS WORKSHOP Presenter: SEAL Team SEAL RELATIONSHIPS STAFFROOM ACTIVITIES

2. RELATIONSHIPS – KEY POINTS FOR ACTIVITIES See Purple Set – Relationships – Staffroom Activities Designed to be carried out in the staff room to help adults tune into the strands of the theme at an adult level –Opportunity for participants to experience at first hand some of the activities children will be engaging with at different stages, prior to introducing to staff in school –Health warning – sensitive issues –Theme deals with loss. It is likely that there will be members of staff who have experienced recent loss – emotions could be very raw – know your audience – allow for withdrawal– how will you support? –Important for staff to identify, acknowledge, explore and reflect on their own emotions and responses to loss before working with the children

3. RELATIONSHIPS – BUILDING ON PREVIOUS THEME – GOOD TO BE ME Builds on (and underpinned by) Key Ideas from previous Theme – Good to Be Me Building emotional resilience Coping with anxiety and worrying Calming down Understanding feelings and how they influence our behaviour

4. GOOD TO BE ME – Building Emotional Resilience Children need to become resilient if they are to be healthy and effective life long learners

5. RELATIONSHIPS – WHY TEACH ABOUT LOSS? Not a comfortable subject – so we need to be clear about why we need to teach it ‘Death is one of the greatest taboos. It doesn’t square with our worship of youth, but the truth, after all, is that we are all terminally ill. Once we recognise that, we can enjoy the life we have left.’ Elizabeth Kubler Ross, 1982 (From Good Grief, By Barbara Ward and Jamie Houghton).

6. RELATIONSHIPS – WHY TEACH ABOUT LOSS? SOME STATISTICS One in three marriages ends in divorce: within the school community there will be many individuals who have suffered loss through the break-up of family relationships. One quarter to one third of children, following a significant loss, have been found to be overactive or aggressive or to destroy property. Growing evidence linking childhood loss with adult depression, anxiety and alcoholism. Recent study found that 70% of children permanently excluded from school had experienced a significant family bereavement. Research by Youth Justice Board found that 54% of young offenders had experienced the death of a friend or close family member in the two years before their offence.

7. RELATIONSHIPS – WHY TEACH ABOUT LOSS? Relatively few children are bereaved BUT... Most will experience significant losses of other kinds during their childhood – e.g. Losing a home Losing a pet Changing schools Losing friends because of moving house or changing schools Leaving their country

8. Slide 1.6 Social and emotional aspects of learning 5 RELATIONSHIPS – WHY TEACH ABOUT LOSS? By helping children learn how to express and manage their feelings, you are helping them to remain emotionally healthy and to engage with learning more effectively

9. Relationships - Activity One – Types of Loss Links: Based on Activity for Children in Green Set Year 6 Resources: Cards with the following written on them, and blank cards on which to write additional ideas Moving House Changing schools or jobs A pet dying A grandparent dying Falling out with a friend Losing a favourite possession Having an accident that means you will never be able to run again Leaving your country Breaking up with a best friend Flip chart paper and Felts

10. Relationships Activity One – Types of Loss What to do: Work in pairs Read through the cards and add any ideas about additional losses on the blank cards Place the cards in order, according to how bad you might feel if these things happened to you Now work together as a whole-staff group to generate as many ideas as you can for a spider diagram showing the types of loss that children may experience in their lives In groups choose one or two types of loss from your spider diagram and consider: How you already support children who have suffered this type of loss How the school currently supports children who have suffered this type of loss What the school might do differently and what more is it reasonable for the school to do to support children who have suffered this type of loss

11. Relationships - Activity 2 Feelings of Grief 1 Resources: Copies of the speech bubble game from the Green Set Year 6 Background: Grief reactions vary but there is a consensus that there are different phases that many people go through when they suffer a significant loss. These can be seen as a progression from one phase to another starting with shock, disbelief and denial, and ending with acceptance. People who have experienced loss will say that the route is not direct, that there are many times when they regress to an earlier stage and, even once they feel they have accepted the loss, there are times when they are overwhelmed by despair and distress. Reactions to loss are highly individual, and there is no right or normal way to grieve.

12. Relationships - Activity 2 Feelings of Grief 2 We have called the feelings associated with significant loss the ‘feelings of grief ’ PhaseAssociated Thoughts and Feelings DisbeliefShock, denial, numbness and disbelief Recognising the lossYearning, anger, guilt, sadness, despair, pain and distress RealisationSadness, hopelessness and depression AcceptanceComing to terms with the loss. The full range of feelings What to do: Using copies of the speech bubble page from the Green Set, Year 6, in which characters express different feelings about a loss, identify which phase of the feelings of grief they are operating within.

13. Relationships - Activity 3 Loss through separation and divorce 1 This activity is suggested to help staff support children who have experienced loss through parental separation or divorce. Maintaining emotional safety when tackling this issue will be important, as will exploring your own personal experiences before working with children. Resources: Copy of the story Wils or Pilgrim from the Blue set resource sheets Flipchart and pens Background: This activity is based on the techniques used in the Philosophy for Children approach. More information in the Guidance Booklet from the Whole-School SEAL Resource (Appendix 6 ‘Communities of enquiry)

14. Relationships – Activity 3 Loss through separation and divorce - 2 What to do: Volunteer(s) should read the story of Wils or Pilgrim to the group In pairs, agree a question that you think you would like to explore deeply, based upon the story. (If the group is small, a thought shower might be used to generate questions). You might particularly think about how the story provides an allegory for separation and divorce. The questions should be written on a flipchart. When all the groups have written up their question, the whole group should choose, by voting, a question they would like to explore. One person should act as a facilitator. Their role should be to support the discussion by prompting people to keep to the question and, if they feel confident enough, to ask facilitative questions. The pair whose question was chosen might start the discussion by explaining why they thought of this question and what they thought answers might include.

15. Relationships Activity 4 – Setting the ground rules for working with children in distress and maintaining emotional safety - 1 Resources: Copy of the handout What are the worst things that could happen when we try to help? Flipchart or Whiteboard Background: As adults we are often worried about talking to children about their loss, especially if the loss is due to bereavement. However, talking about loss is often useful to a child, as it makes it feel normal and acceptable rather than something too horrible and scary to mention. This activity is designed to challenge some of our fears by asking the question: ‘What is the worst that could happen?’

16. Relationships Activity 4 – Setting the ground rules for working with children in distress and maintaining emotional safety - 2 What to do: First thought shower some of those fears by asking the question: What is the worst that could happen? Record responses on the whiteboard or flipchart In groups choose a fear from the thought-showered list and discuss the following questions about the fear: How might we avoid this? What should we do if our fear does happen? The ideas might be shared with the whole group and written up as a chart for reference.

17. Relationships - Activity 5: What are we doing now? What else could we do? What to do: Reflect together on the following questions: What have you learned from the activities? What five or six principles should the school have when considering how to support children who have suffered loss? Note: These principles should be designed to ensure the emotional safety and well-being of the adults and children involved. In groups, look back at the spider diagram you made during Activity 1. Use this to agree some of your key approaches to supporting children in dealing with loss – some that you are already doing and others that you intend to do.

18. When does a child need extra support? No easy answer to this Principle to use when considering what the child might need is to consider what is the least intrusive intervention that might be effective. When considering the individual, you might like to answer these questions: Are the feelings associated with loss preventing the child from learning and taking part in school life? Is the child’s behaviour a concern to themselves and to others?

19. When does a child need extra support? 2 Does the child seem excessively distressed and unhappy? Does the child seem lethargic, depressed and hopeless? Has the child asked for help? Have you tried to support the child within the class and within the school’s own resources? Have you spoken to the child’s parents/carers? What are their views? Does the child want additional help?

20. Do we need to know more? Children’s Services’ support to schools where bereavement has been a particular issue for the whole school community. Contact Paul Nicklin, School Psychological Service Make sure that all staff know about the organisations and websites that can help them when they are supporting children who have experienced loss. www.itsnotyourfault.org A website to support and inform children whose parents are separating or divorcingwww.itsnotyourfault.org www.childbereavement.org.uk The website of the Child Bereavement Trust, which publishes a helpful information pack called Supporting Bereaved Children in Schoolwww.childbereavement.org.uk www.rd4u.org.uk A website for children and young people who have been bereaved and want news and information designed for themwww.rd4u.org.uk www.childline.org.uk Offers a chance for children and young people to talk in confidence about their feelings and emotionswww.childline.org.uk

21. More Information www.winstonswish.org.uk Provides resources for schools and grief support programmes for childrenwww.winstonswish.org.uk www.ncb.org.uk/cbn The National Children’s Bureau’s Child Bereavement Network: a database of organisations that offer services to bereaved children as well as guidelines for best practicewww.ncb.org.uk/cbn www.partnershipforchildren.org.uk Provides resources for parents and teachers about how children cope with bereavement, divorce and separation.www.partnershipforchildren.org.uk Supporting Bereaved Children – A Handbook – Diane MacBrairdy Bradford Context – Available from the Bradford Interfaith Centre