1. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: The Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being Troubled Youth Conference, Utah May 7, 2015

2. Linda Graham, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being 2013 Books for a Better life award 2014 Better Books for a Better World award linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net

3. It’s as wrong to deny the possible As it is to deny the problem. - Dennis Seleeby

4. Resilience Deal with challenges and crises Bounce back from adversity Recover our balance and equilibrium Find refuges and maximize resources Cope skillfully, flexibly, adaptively Shift perspectives, open to possibilities, create options, find meaning and purpose

5. Resilience for Students Manage impulses, appropriate behavior Curiosity, openness to learning and change Process-encode information into memory Use information creatively and productively Imagine, think, plan Navigate social world, social intelligence Empathic interactions with others Develop identity, core values, moral compass Contribute to larger community, world

6. Resilience Hardiness: capacities to last, to endure, to persevere, to follow through, capacities of determination and grit. Coping: Face and deal with disappointments, difficulties, even disasters; bounce back from troubles, from adversity, from the unexpected, from the truly awful. Flexibility: Adaptability, capacity to shift gears

7. It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptive to change. - Charles Darwin

8. Between a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. - Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, survivor of Auschwitz

9. Response Flexibility=Resilience Catch the moment; make a choice - Janet Friedman Every moment has a choice; Every choice has an impact. - Julia Butterfly Hill

10. Evolutionary legacy Genetic templates Family of origin conditioning Norms-expectations of culture-society Who we are and how we cope…. …is not our fault.

11. Given neuroplasticity And choices of self-directed neuroplasticity Who we are and how we cope… …is our responsibility - Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind

12. 6 C’s of Coping Calm Compassion Clarity Connections to Resources Competence Courage

13. Calm Manage disruptive emotions Tolerate distress Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

14. Compassion Being touched, moved by experience of pain and suffering Flow of kindness, tenderness, care and concern toward experiencer of pain and suffering Wise action to alleviate pain and suffering One cannot live with sighted eyes and feeling heart and not know the misery which affects the world. - Lorraine Hansberry Compassion is a verb. – Thich Nhat Hanh

15. Clarity Pause, become present Notice and name Step back, dis-entangle, reflect Shift perspectives; shift states Discern options Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesome

16. Connections Increasing the social connections in our lives is probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. - Matthew Lieberman, UCLA author of Wired to Connect

17. Competence Empowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do this.” You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. - Jon Kabat-Zinn

18. Courage Using signal anxiety as cue to: Try something new Take risks Move resilience beyond personal self

19. Modern Brain Science Neuroscience technology is 25 years old The field of neuroscience is so new, we must be comfortable not only venturing into the unknown but into error. - Richard Mendius, M.D.

20. Neuroscience of Resilience Mindfulness meditation improves attention and impulse control; students get better grades, higher SAT scores; schools have less violence, less bullying Oxytocin (neurostransmitter of safety and trust) can calm a panic attack in less than a minute Kindness and comfort protects against stress, trauma, psychopathology - lifelong

21. Neuroplasticity Growing new neurons Strengthening synaptic connections Myelinating pathways – faster processing Creating and altering brain structure and circuitry Organizing and re-organizing functions of brain structures

22. Mechanisms of Brain Change Conditioning New Conditioning Re-Conditioning De-Conditioning

23. Conditioning Experience causes neurons to fire Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings Neurons that fire together wire together Strengthen synaptic connections Connections stabilize into neural pathways Without intervention, is what the brain does all the time Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negative

24. The brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome. - Richard J. Davidson, PhD

25. Pre-Frontal Cortex Development kindled in relationships Executive center of higher brain Evolved most recently – makes us human Matures the latest – 25 years of age Most integrative structure of brain Evolutionary masterpiece CEO of resilience

26. Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex Regulate body and nervous system Quell fear response of amygdala Manage emotions Attunement – felt sense of feelings Empathy – making sense of expereince Insight and self-knowing Response flexibility Planning, decision making

27. New Conditioning Choose new experiences Gratitude practice, listening skills, focusing attention, self-compassion, self-acceptance Create new learning, new memory Encode new wiring Install new pattern of response

28. Re-conditioning Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation “Light up” neural networks Juxtapose old negative with new positive Neurons fall apart, rewire New rewires old

29. Modes of Processing Focused Attention Tasks and details Deliberate, guided change New conditioning and re-conditioning De-focused Attention Default network Mental play space – random change De-conditioning

30. De-Conditioning Default network De-focusing, loosens grip of attention Creates mental play space, free association Can drop into worry, rumination Plane of open possibilities Brain makes new links, associations New insights, aha!s new behaviors

31. De-Conditioning Imagination Guided visualizations Guided meditations Reverie, daydreams Brain “plays,” makes own associations and links, connect dots in new ways Reflect on new insights

32. Practices to Accelerate Brain Change Presence – primes receptivity of brain Intention/choice – activates plasticity Practice – creates new pathways, new more resilient habits of coping Perseverance – installs change

33. Keep Calm and Carry On Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amidst the storm. - author unknown

34. Calm Manage disruptive emotions Tolerate distress Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

35. 3 Motivational Systems Threat-protection cortisol Satisfaction-reward dopamine Soothing-comfort-caregiving oxytocin

36. Hand on the Heart Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust Deep breathing – parasympathetic Breathing ease into heart center Brakes on survival responses Coherent heart rate Being loved and cherihed Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol Pre-empts stress response

37. Touch Hand on heart, hand on cheek Head rubs, foot rubs Massage back of neck Hold thumb as “inner child” Hugs – 20 second full bodied

38. Calm through the Body Hand on the Heart Touch/Hugs Body Scan Progressive Muscle Relaxation Power Posing

39. Power Posing Amy Cuddy TED talk Before important meeting or interview: Stand tall and straight, like mountain pose in yoga Lift your arms in triumph or Place hands on hips (Wonder Woman)

40. Mindfulness and Compassion Awareness of what’s happening (and our reactions to what’s happening) Acceptance of what’s happening (and our reactions to what’s happening) Two most powerful agents of brain change known to science; both foster response flexibility Rewiring that is safe, efficient, effective

41. Compassion Practice Mindfulness Awareness of what’s happening (and our reaction to what’s happening) Self-Compassion Acceptance of what’s happening (and our reaction to what’s happening) Compassion – Common Humanity Wise effort in response to what’s happening (and our reactions to what’s happening)

42. Mindfulness and Compassion Activate Caregiving System Mindfulness Focuses awareness on experience May I accept this moment, exactly as it is Self-Compassion Focuses kindness on experiencer May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment Activates caregiving system Shift from reactivity and contraction to openness, engagement

43. Self-Compassion Break Notice moment of suffering Ouch! This hurts! This is painful. Soothing touch (hand on heart, cheek, hug) Kindness toward experiencer May I be kind to myself in this moment May I accept this moment exactly as it is May I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am May I give myself all the compassion I need to respond to this moment wisely

44. Loving Kindness with Self-Compassion Sit comfortably, focus on gentle breathing, in and out Feel breath in entire body; let your body breathe you Breathe into areas of physical stress, discomfort Notice difficult emotions; incline awareness toward contraction or discomfort Self-compassion phrases: “May I be….” Your own phrases of kindness, tenderness, care Rest in stillness and peace in body

45. Benefits of Self-Compassion Increased motivation; efforts to learn and grow Less fear of failure; greater likelihood to try again Taking responsibility for mistakes; apologies and forgiveness More resilience in coping with life stressors Less depression, anxiety, stress, avoidance Healthier relationships; more support and, less control and/or aggression Increased social connectedness, life satisfaction, and happiness

46. Positive Emotions GratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy Trust

47. Negativity Bias – Left Shift Brain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid experience Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and action

48. Positive Emotions Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness More friendships, social support, collaboration Shift in perspectives, more optimism More creativity, productivity Better health, better sleep Live on average 7-9 years longer Resilience is direct outcome

49. Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin

50. Circle of Support Call to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have “had your back” Currently, in the past, in imagination Imagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in coping Imagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situations

51. Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and appreciate

52. Mindfulness Focused attention on present moment experience without judgment or resistance. - Jon Kabat-Zinn

53. Mindfulness Pause, become present Notice and name Step back, dis-entangle, reflect Shift perspectives; shift states Discern options Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesome Response flexibility creates resilience

54. Mindfulness and Therapy/Counseling Even-hovering attention Unconditional positive regard Observing ego “What are you noticing now?” Catch the moment; make a choice

55. Affectionate Breathing Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently. Incline your awareness toward your breathing with tenderness and curiosity Let the body breathe itself; notice the natural nourishing and soothing of the body Feel the whole body breathe Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath Savor the stillness and peace in the body

56. Soles of the Feet Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor Rock back and forth, rock side to side Make little circles with your knees Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations Offer gratitude to your feet that support your entire body, all day long

57. Autobiography in Five Short Chapters – Portia Nelson I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost…I am helpless It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

58. II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

59. III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in…it’s a habit My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

60. IV I walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V I walk down another street. -Portia Nelson

61. Ah, the comfort, The inexpressible comfort Of feeling safe with a person. Having neither to weigh out thoughts Nor words, But pouring them all right out, just as they are, Chaff and grain together; Certain that a faithful hand Will take them and sift them; Keeping what is worth keeping and, With the breath of kindness, Blow the rest away. - Dinah Craik

62. Compassionate Friend Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awareness Imagine safe place Imagine warm, compassionate figure – Compassionate Friend Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need to hear from compassionate friend Receive object of remembrance from friend Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom

63. Shame De-Rails Resilience Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others. - Brene Brown, PhD

64. Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self

65. Competence Empowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do this.” You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. -Jon Kabat-Zinn

66. Learning Model Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence

67. Coherent Narrative This is what happened. This is what I did. This has been the cost. This is what I learned. This is what I would do differently going forward.

68. Find the Gift in the Mistake Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment What’s Right with this Wrong? What’s the Lesson? What’s the Cue to Act Differently? Find the Gift in the Mistake

69. I am no longer afraid of storms, For I am learning how to sail my ship. - Louisa May Alcott

70. Courage A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. - Grace Hopper Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking - Tim McMahon

71. Do One Scary Thing a Day Venture into New or Unknown Somatic marker of “Uh, oh” Dopamine disrupted Cross threshold into new Satisfaction, mastery Dopamine restored

72. There is a natural and inviolable tendency in things to bloom into whatever they truly are in the core of their being. All we have to do is align ourselves with what wants to happen naturally and put in the effort that is our part in helping it happen. - David Richo

73. Mastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol Orsborn

74. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: The Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being Momentous Institute April 10, 2015